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Funny you should mention exes coming back...


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Mine called this morning. The call woke me up (I work overnight so I sleep late). I looked at my phone, saw it was the ex, thought "that's random" and went back to sleep.

 

He left a message saying he was going to be in my town (in a different state than his, about 5 hours away) tomorrow, and asked me to call him back.

 

I just went on with my usual day, then about 7 hours after he'd called I called him back. I let him know that my work schedule would not permit me to spend any time with him tomorrow, and that I didn't have a day off until the end of the weekend. He kind of laughed and said he was only going to be in town tomorrow. I told him it wouldn't be possible, then. We made small talk for a minute or two, then he ended the conversation with "well, if you can hang out tomorrow let me know." Um, I just said I had to work, but whatever. I wished him a safe trip and hung up.

 

Some history...this is the guy who, when he broke up with me (he wasn't "feeling it"), I was devastated. I cried for two entire months, could hardly get out of bed, and swore to anyone who would listen that this guy was "the love of my life" whom I would "love FOREVER!!!111"

 

Well...he wasn't, and I didn't...and I don't.

 

If anyone had told me at the time of the breakup that he would be asking to see me and I'd turn him down, I would have denied it. I would have said they were crazy, that I LOVED him and always would. I would have imagined a passionate reunion, with me pulling out all stops to find a way to see him. The me back then would have assumed the me of today would have gone to work early or late, would have called out, or would have quit my job...anything, anything at all to see him, to accommodate him.

 

But the me of today not only doesn't love him, but I know now he was never the man of my dreams like I thought he was. Without going into details, he's just got too many issues for me to want to hitch my wagon to him (including drug arrests and a prison record).

 

This is the second opportunity to spend time with him I've turned down.

 

So, for all of those who think they will never, ever get over someone...you can and you will.

 

These men are not gods up on pedestals. They're human. And guess what? There are millions of humans on the planet. Nothing about them makes them any better than anyone else. And the mere fact that they've CHOSEN not to be with us takes them off the plate anyway...right?

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Nicely done bolltrun 😊👌

I'm always wary when exes come back and I agree with what you say about moving on.

My ex is being an ass atm with blocking/unblocking me and we haven't spoken since before xmas.

My god do I want an apology for his ty behaviour but I won't reach out

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This ex didn't apologize for dumping me. But I didn't expect him to. Why should he apologize for not loving me?

 

What I found amusing was his little laugh and his last statement (to let him know if I can hang out tomorrow when I'd already told him I couldn't). I think he still thinks I'll trip all over myself to see him like I used to. But I'm not that person anymore. As Gloria Gaynor said "I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you".

 

Funny how they think you'll be infatuated with them forever. And that they think they're so "all that", that you won't ever be able to get over them.

 

Irish, if you can stop wishing for an apology that will never come, you'll go a long way toward indifference. And really, a lifetime of being treated "like crap" is no way to live.

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I once ran into an ex who had cheated on me, so I had walked away. He said "its too bad we couldn't work things out". I looked at him incredulous. I said "you are still living with the woman you cheated with".

 

And he replied "well...I still love you".

 

I just walked away. Again!

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It's like a used car salesman...give a sense of pressure all the time, it's the only way I know how to close!

 

It's so awesome reading a story about someone moving from a sense of feeling trapped under the pressure of another, to a place where she can say "you know what, I'm going to pass, have a nice day". There is nothing they can say to that.

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Actually I haven't heard from him since I told him "no, thanks" about six months ago, except for a one-word text maybe three months ago.

 

I know he doesn't want me back. I think he wants to be "friends", but with benefits attached.

 

He always was lazy, preferring the sex to come to him instead of him having to search for it.

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Nicely done, boltnrun. Mhowe, how did you not pelt that man with rotten fruit? You are truly a better woman than I.

 

The not so bright never get it. But look at it on the bright side, it reminds you why they're an ex.

 

To be honest...I was speechless. I think I walked away muttering to myself.

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I once ran into an ex who had cheated on me, so I had walked away. He said "its too bad we couldn't work things out". I looked at him incredulous. I said "you are still living with the woman you cheated with".

 

And he replied "well...I still love you".

 

I just walked away. Again!

 

On the day of our divorce, my ex H called me sobbing. I mean, hardly getting enough air to speak kind of sobbing. (I was not at the courthouse; only he had to be there.) I'm so sorry and so sad etc etc

 

I was incredulous. "But you live with the woman you've been seeing since before we separated..."

 

I don't even remember what else he said. I just let him run himself out of comments, saying nothing but "This is your doing" in different combinations.

 

So odd.

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I Appluade You So Much boltnrun I am Still Having A Hard Time Getting Over My Ex Boyfriemd I Have Been Doing My Best In Trying Not To Think About Him I Just Wish It Didn't Hurt So Much And The Pain Will Hurry And Be Gone I Never Thought I Would Go Through This Especially Since This Is The First Time I Ever Been In Love 😢.... But Me Reading What You Wrote Really Gives Me Hope That I Can Hopefully Soon Get Over This So Thank You And Best Wishes To You!!!!

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On the day of our divorce, my ex H called me sobbing. I mean, hardly getting enough air to speak kind of sobbing. (I was not at the courthouse; only he had to be there.) I'm so sorry and so sad etc etc

 

I was incredulous. "But you live with the woman you've been seeing since before we separated..."

 

I don't even remember what else he said. I just let him run himself out of comments, saying nothing but "This is your doing" in different combinations.

 

So odd.

 

Oh --- I forgot the final chapter.

 

When my father died (and my bf had known my father when said bf was in his 20's) ---- he sent me.....a handwritten poem that he had written.

And said that if I ever wanted to talk about my dad (who, upon finding out that he had cheated on me HATED him) that he could share a lot of stories.

 

I wanted to respond "are you fffffinn' kidding me?" but I just read it and threw it out.

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Mhowe, that ex of yours takes the cake for impudence and stupidity combined! He's so bad, I'm laughing!

 

ParisPaulette, I now have this mental image of you on some street, hurling slimy pears at a formerly cocksure but now cowering numbskull who's got his arms crossed over his head, and is yelling, "Hey! Hey! What did I do?!"

 

Youareworthy

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Mhowe, that ex of yours takes the cake for impudence and stupidity combined! He's so bad, I'm laughing!

 

ParisPaulette, I now have this mental image of you on some street, hurling slimy pears at a formerly cocksure but now cowering numbskull who's got his arms crossed over his head, and is yelling, "Hey! Hey! What did I do?!"

 

Youareworthy

 

He is still an alcoholic (he wasn't when we started dating, but by the end he was), he is still with the "cheater" woman --- and he is so debilated from years of drinking and drug abuse that he is housebound and in poverty....at age 62. He has also been disowned by his family for punching his then 81 yr old father in a drunken rage.

 

I walked away over 15 years ago. People said "he was my destiny" --- sober he was charismatic, charming and successful. That ended more than 20 yrs ago.

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I've had a couple of these moments. It does cause you to sit back and compare the desperation you once felt and compare it to the indifference you feel now.

There is something to be learned here. In my case I can't help but wonder and try to understand -that if I'm capable of having two extreme opposite feelings for the same person, how much of it did it really have to do with them to begin with?

The lesson for me is it has much more to do with me then I care to admit at the time

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He is still an alcoholic (he wasn't when we started dating, but by the end he was), he is still with the "cheater" woman --- and he is so debilitated from years of drinking and drug abuse that he is housebound and in poverty....at age 62. He has also been disowned by his family for punching his then 81 yr old father in a drunken rage.

 

What a mess he and his addictions have made of his life. The "cheater" woman sounds like she has very little self-respect, to have stayed with him when he is this screwed up.

 

I walked away over 15 years ago. People said "he was my destiny" --- sober he was charismatic, charming and successful. That ended more than 20 yrs ago.

 

What do "people" know? I'm glad you went with your gut. Look at how happy you are with your present love! This really inspires me not to settle!

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