I don't trust my husband

Hi I'm 21 and a while ago I found a msg from a girl saying how she will be in bed with him soon and that she misses him to so I asked him about it. He said he told her he's married and to stop talking to him and that he never responded to any of her flirting. But I talked to her and she had no idea he was married at all. I just don't know what to do anymore, I can ask him about it all I want but I'll never know if he's still lying or not. What do I do

I also forgot to mention that I have found messages from woman on his phone and all but the last two or three messages got deleted and it's very unlike him to delete things like he has messages from friends from like 6 months ago and the messages that get deleted are deleted immediately after being sent or received

Dear 21needingadvic,

One of them is lying. I hope for your sake it is the other woman, but I have a suspicion it was your husband. You can contact the cell phone company and ask for the call/text records, and that will show you who is originating these contacts, how often, when this started, all the details. If he really doesn't want her to call/email/text, then he should block her.

I don't blame you for not trusting him at this point. How long have you been married? Do you have children?

Youareworthy

I have a 2 year old girl that he adopted and we have been married for about a year. Would the phone company let me do that because we aren't on the same contract or anything like that.

If you have access online, you can find the Same info. How about email? Can you check that? Does he have time to carry on an affair? Gone long periods of time? Unexplained absences?

that's awful. I think all you can do now is get all the information you can including from your husband. Could you contact her perhaps? A friend of mine did that and confronted the woman and said "I know that you've been doing such and such because my husband told me" even though he didn't, but she then told her everything. I don't know. Now you're in a difficult situation. I think though you need to get as much information as you can, and stop him lying to you right now, then see if there are enough pieces to pick it back up and try again, and try to rebuild trust. If he admits to his behaviour and really shows you he's sorry that's kind of the minimum requirement to carry on from here and it will still be hard. Good luck.

I wouldn't try to pick it back up. Your only 21 and you got married to a guy you barely knew who also adopted your daughter. I don't mean to be harsh here but those are not good decisions for a young mother to make.

You need to be more cautious going forward in who you allow access to your child. He is now legally her father and you are probably going to break up. Where does that leave your child??

Dear starlight89,

You are right, these may not have been the best decisions. Bear in mind that HE is the one cheating, not the OP, so he and his mistress are the ones to blame for throwing the hand grenade into this little family.

Dear 21needsadvic,

It sounds like you were 19 when you had your daughter. Very few of us made wonderful decisions when we were 18, 19, 20, 21. It is especially hard to make great choices when the prefrontal cortex of your brain isn't even fully developed. I am assuming that your husband may have been a real sweetheart at first, or is a very persuasive liar. Women far older, and dare I say wiser, have been deceived by and cheated on by their husbands.

Where the situation leaves your child now is that she may or may not have visits with him, and this little girl is now entitled to a fair financial provision from him, because caring for a child's needs for shelter, water, food, clothing, and medical care is one of the jobs of being a parent, biological or adoptive.

I would try couple's counseling, but in this case it doesn't seem like he'll go for it. If not, I would contact a mediator and begin exploring your options.

Youareworthy

Honestly when I was 18/19/20 I was a complete moron who made mistake after mistake

Don't beat yourself up too hard over it, its part of growing up