He suggested a threesome before even meeting me. Is it a red flag?

Hey everybody... So I have been chatting with this guy for 2 months. He is a lawyer (I am sure about it, I have proof, it's not catfish, at least he's saying the truth about his job), very successful, good looking, smart. I met him in OkCupid, chatting with him was okay and normal, he seemed to be a nice guy, flirty, witty, sarcastic and a little cocky at times but He didn't seem to play games...

He asked if he could meet each other, I said fine...

Then we kept talking till he said "you could stay at my place if you want... There's room for one more in my bed...I could use a cuddle buddy "

Then I said : "ohhh you're talking dirty today, huh?"

Then he said: "Well in fact there's room for 2 more if you're bringing a friend "

I got so mad!!! I told him it's just creepy to say such a thing to someone you haven't even met! I didn't even sext him, I had never done it , and then he said this out of nowhere. I told him I am not talking to him again.

He said he was just messing around, that I shouldn't be so uptight, that I'm a prude and overreacting.

Am I really overreacting for not wanting to talk to him again???

If it was a joke, it was tasteless.

If it was a suggestion, it was who he really is.

He was probing to see if you were up for a threesome. A tasteless joke.

UGH. He only said he was joking and quickly back-peddled because he noticed you weren't impressed. You are not a prude. You've just seen the real side of him. You know what to do.

Hey everybody... So I have been chatting with this guy for 2 months. He is a lawyer (I am sure about it, I have proof, it's not catfish, at least he's saying the truth about his job), very successful, good looking, smart. I met him in OkCupid, chatting with him was okay and normal, he seemed to be a nice guy, flirty, witty, sarcastic and a little cocky at times but He didn't seem to play games...

He asked if he could meet each other, I said fine...

Then we kept talking till he said "you could stay at my place if you want... There's room for one more in my bed...I could use a cuddle buddy "

Then I said : "ohhh you're talking dirty today, huh?"

 

Then he said: "Well in fact there's room for 2 more if you're bringing a friend "

 

I got so mad!!! I told him it's just creepy to say such a thing to someone you haven't even met! I didn't even sext him, I had never done it , and then he said this out of nowhere. I told him I am not talking to him again.

 

He said he was just messing around, that I shouldn't be so uptight, that I'm a prude and overreacting.

 

Am I really overreacting for not wanting to talk to him again???

The guy is a creep! he is only looking for sex.

Don't be so easily impressed by looks and profession.

Well, it's only okay if a) you've been looking for the right person to have that threesome with b) you have zero interest in a relationship, blech relationships, hate 'em, just want sex. If the answer these to these scenarios I've laid out is a resounding yes then you have met the man of your dreams. Make sure he doesn't get all needy and whiny on you though, hate that.

IF however you are of a mind to have a relationship with someone that entails mutual respect and getting to know each other in terms of monogamy, something serious etc. then no, absolutely not, this is not the guy for you. Why on earth would you even question whether or not you should go out with him simply because he made fun of you and tried to bully you into overlooking his lack of manners. Do you open your purse to the guy who tries to rob you then tells you, "What a stingy person you are, don't be so uptight. Share your paycheck even if I didn't earn it."

And personally for me even making such a crude "joke" to a near stranger is in such poor taste I hope you're okay with a guy who spits in public and belches or farts at the restaurant then expects you to "laugh" at that "joke" too. Come on, unless you're on a dating site specifically for the purpose of swinging, NSA sex, and threesomes this is just in such poor taste no matter what his intent was that you should simply block and delete him. When they talk sex before they've even met you their intentions are very, very clear--they want sex, not a relationship.

I'm going to presume dating is new for you so I will tell you now, get yourself boundaries and what you consider acceptable or not, walk away from people who step over those boundaries right away. And definitely walk away when someone tries to guilt, bully, or manipulate you to be okay with something you aren't. Most decent guys would at the very least apologize--not try to make you think something is wrong with you for not leaping in bed with half the town in the tow. (Rolls eyes)

I have yet to ever meet the "tasteless joke" to a near or total stranger not be a sign of no filter or no manners, neither ends well unless you're like that too.

P.S. I'd say the same if you were a guy posting about a girl and upset about it too. I'd tell you to run, fast, the other direction.

I think it was a tasteless joke meant to find out if you'd be interested in a threesome. So, you know what he's like, it's your choice if you are into this or not.

His "joke" was out of line, and his reaction to you calling him on it is what would annoy me as well, he did not apologize, he called you a "prude" and "uptight." If you are not comfortable with his behaviour that does not mean you are overreacting. I would take a pass.

Well, it's only okay if a) you've been looking for the right person to have that threesome with b) you have zero interest in a relationship, blech relationships, hate 'em, just want sex. If the answer these to these scenarios I've laid out is a resounding yes then you have met the man of your dreams. Make sure he doesn't get all needy and whiny on you though, hate that.

 

IF however you are of a mind to have a relationship with someone that entails mutual respect and getting to know each other in terms of monogamy, something serious etc. then no, absolutely not, this is not the guy for you. Why on earth would you even question whether or not you should go out with him simply because he made fun of you and tried to bully you into overlooking his lack of manners. Do you open your purse to the guy who tries to rob you then tells you, "What a stingy person you are, don't be so uptight. Share your paycheck even if I didn't earn it."

 

And personally for me even making such a crude "joke" to a near stranger is in such poor taste I hope you're okay with a guy who spits in public and belches or farts at the restaurant then expects you to "laugh" at that "joke" too. Come on, unless you're on a dating site specifically for the purpose of swinging, NSA sex, and threesomes this is just in such poor taste no matter what his intent was that you should simply block and delete him. When they talk sex before they've even met you their intentions are very, very clear--they want sex, not a relationship.

 

I'm going to presume dating is new for you so I will tell you now, get yourself boundaries and what you consider acceptable or not, walk away from people who step over those boundaries right away. And definitely walk away when someone tries to guilt, bully, or manipulate you to be okay with something you aren't. Most decent guys would at the very least apologize--not try to make you think something is wrong with you for not leaping in bed with half the town in the tow. (Rolls eyes)

 

I have yet to ever meet the "tasteless joke" to a near or total stranger not be a sign of no filter or no manners, neither ends well unless you're like that too.

 

P.S. I'd say the same if you were a guy posting about a girl and upset about it too. I'd tell you to run, fast, the other direction.

Thank you so much for your feedback. I agree with everything you said.

ANY DECENT MAN would have at least apologized.

I told him what offended me the most was the fact that I am an educated woman, who has never talked to him an explicit way and even so he was treating me like someone who likes this kind of thing. So what did he answer??? He said "I am cultured enough to realize who is who". ??? I CLEARLY told him I was offended and he never apologized!

Then I realized having an argument with such a jerk was a waste of time, I told him I had to go and said goodbye. I deleted his number but I forgot to block him first... Then a few days later he messaged me, I ignored his text and blocked him for good.

He was only interested in a hook up. Very bad character, its his problem not yours.

It didn't take long for him to show his true colors. Kudos for dodging a bullet!

It's nice when someone so clearly advertises who they really are.

The "joke" itself I could definitely see someone decent making. Nerves, excitement, make guys say dumb stuff.

The followup... disgusting.

It's nice when someone so clearly advertises who they really are.

 

The "joke" itself I could definitely see someone decent making. Nerves, excitement, make guys say dumb stuff.

 

The followup... disgusting.

Forgot to say that, right after he said such a thing, I said "please, don't be a jerk" and he said "lol! this is hilarious! Newsflash, I'm a man"

Very nice way to offend all men on Earth by implying that all men are horndogs like him.

I'm proud you blocked him. He reminds me of a guy I started talking too a long time ago on a dating site and the immediate red flag was he wanted too when we meet, take me bra shopping and watch me try on bras!!!

Immediately I blocked him.

That's the problem with dating sites you have to weed out a lot of pervs before finding a good one.

Lisa

I'm proud you blocked him. He reminds me of a guy I started talking too a long time ago on a dating site and the immediate red flag was he wanted too when we meet, take me bra shopping and watch me try on bras!!!

 

Immediately I blocked him.

 

That's the problem with dating sites you have to weed out a lot of pervs before finding a good one.

 

Lisa

WOW. What a creep. I can't stand horndogs.

I will give up online dating because I can't find anyone decent in any of these websites.

have you met him in person yet? If no, why not?

Yep, he's a creeper. He's also lying about being lawyer. No professional lawyer would behave this way.

Yep, he's a creeper. He's also lying about being lawyer. No professional lawyer would behave this way.

Good point. And OP glad to hear you blocked him. Fine if you want to be open about what you want, not fine to bully someone when they tell you they feel differently.

have you met him in person yet? If no, why not?

Like I said in my post, I haven't met him and I won't meet him because his joke is just disrespectful. If he likes threesomes okay, it's his life and I won't judge him for That. What I find disturbing is a guy who makes this kind of joke to someone he doesn't even know. Supposing that I had the opportunity to be in a relationship with such a man, two questions would Come to mind :

1. Do I really want to be with a man who wants threesomes in a relationship?

2. Do I really want to be with a man who jokes about that with a stranger in the internet?

That's why I was automatically turned off by it and decided to stop talking to him. I can't be with such a man and I don't feel like meeting such a man in person.

Annie was wondering, why after 2 months, you had not met him in person yet?

I have found, that if I'm messaging guys, and we don't meet within 10 days....we never will! They either fall off the face of the earth by the 10th day...or they become txt (and hoping sext) buddies.....

How old was this guy? Some guys think all sex talk is a joke....and should be o.k. NOT.

Supposing that I had the opportunity to be in a relationship with such a man, two questions would Come to mind :

 

1. Do I really want to be with a man who wants threesomes in a relationship?

2. Do I really want to be with a man who jokes about that with a stranger in the internet?

 

That's why I was automatically turned off by it and decided to stop talking to him. I can't be with such a man and I don't feel like meeting such a man in person.

I push the “next” button for every man who makes sexual comments/jokes before we have even met in person. Threesome is out of the question for me any way. Good you blocked him!

That's the kind of joke only someone with lousy judgement would say to someone he doesn't even know.

If you'd like to date a guy like that, who are we to discourage you?

Respect your Self.

Good for you for blocking him, he was just fishing around to see if you were open to a NSA sexual arrangement, and if there was any chance of you being up for a threesome. I've met my own share of similar creeps lol. It was a half-joke that I noticed many guys use when they want to ask a question they know it's too "out there" to ask seriously, so they hide behind a "joke" to gauge the woman's reply (so they can always back track, if the answer is not favorable). It's great that he showed his true colors before you wasted your time going on a date with him!

The sad part is that so many men do this because there were times in the past when it actually worked. There are many women out there who would have responded favorably to his "joke", turned the conversation into sexting and soon after some casual sex - and yes, threesomes too. If this tactic didn't work on some women, guys wouldn't be using it anymore. Unfortunately there are lots of desperate women out there with zero self worth, who would jump at the chance.

Good for you for passing on the asshat, big bullet dodged right there!

Annie was wondering, why after 2 months, you had not met him in person yet?

 

I have found, that if I'm messaging guys, and we don't meet within 10 days....we never will! They either fall off the face of the earth by the 10th day...or they become txt (and hoping sext) buddies.....

 

How old was this guy? Some guys think all sex talk is a joke....and should be o.k. NOT.

He is 32!!! I mean... He is Damn too old for this kind of attitude.. Acting like a horny teenager. What a turn off.

It took me.a little longer to meet him because we have scheduled a meeting one month after we started talking but he cancelled it because he had friends from.abroad in his house.

Yes, I should have stopped talking to.him at that moment but I decided to.give him the Benefit of doubt... My mistake.

Good for you for blocking him, he was just fishing around to see if you were open to a NSA sexual arrangement, and if there was any chance of you being up for a threesome. I've met my own share of similar creeps lol. It was a half-joke that I noticed many guys use when they want to ask a question they know it's too "out there" to ask seriously, so they hide behind a "joke" to gauge the woman's reply (so they can always back track, if the answer is not favorable). It's great that he showed his true colors before you wasted your time going on a date with him!

 

The sad part is that so many men do this because there were times in the past when it actually worked. There are many women out there who would have responded favorably to his "joke", turned the conversation into sexting and soon after some casual sex - and yes, threesomes too. If this tactic didn't work on some women, guys wouldn't be using it anymore. Unfortunately there are lots of desperate women out there with zero self worth, who would jump at the chance.

Good for you for passing on the asshat, big bullet dodged right there!

Damn but does this stupid pick-up line really work?? I can't believe there are some women who even enjoy this approach. Their self esteem must be ZERO.

What makes me disappointed is that I had never sexted him or disrespected him, yet he acted as if I had been explicit since the beginning! Can't men tell the difference between women who want a hookup and women who want a serious relationship? If they disrespect a woman who has acted respectfully, what's the use of acting respectfully anyway?? Why do they treat women all the same? Why is that I was seen in the end as a blow.up.doll? Everything about this disgusts me