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Why is my ex boyfriend adding so many people on Facebook all of a sudden?


PinkRose282

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I have an opinion question. My ex broke up with me 3 months ago saying he doesn't see a future with me. We tried to stay friends the first 1.5 months, but it was impossible. I was overly jealous of one of his married friends at work and accused him of having an affair with her. About 1.5 months ago, we stopped talking completely after a huge fight. He got really mad at me for accusing him of the affair and completely shut me off.

 

Well, during our entire relationship of 10 months, we both never once added each other on Facebook. We were both too stubborn to add the other, and I use it very rarely, and he uses it very rarely that we just didn't care at all. It was a non issue in our relationship until our breakup, when I used it against him saying "you never added me on Facebook bc you were trying to hide our relationship". I didnt even really mean it, but I said it anyway to try to prove a point i was making. He even admitted during our breakup he was wrong for never adding me, and I was surprised to hear that but I genuinely didn't even really care.

 

Anyway, after our breakup, I would check his "recently added friends" the first 1.5 months and there were none. This was when we were still friends and talking. I think I was snooping to see if he adds girls. Then, after we got in our huge fight and he started hating me, about 1-2 weeks after that, he literally has added almost 100 people in such a short amount of time. A mutual friend asked me "what the heck is going on with your ex, he is becoming friends with so many people. It keeps popping up on my newsfeed" i then went to check out his recently added friends list and was shocked at the amount of people he recently added. A lot of the people were also our coworkers who he hardly even knew. Btw, we work together, so there were so many people he is just acquaintances with at work. He used to complain about how people from work add him and he hates being friends with coworkers. I think it is SO odd and out of character for him. One girl he added for example, I remember talking to him about her and he didn't even know who she was. I was like "thats Jessie's best friend at work" and he said "oh yea i still don't know who that is" and now they are Facebook friends!! He is also liking everyones pictures and statuses all the time, I can see the ones that are our mutual friends. It is just very odd behavior because he never likes anything before or added anyone and would complain of ppl from work adding him. He is also making status posts, one about the powerball recently and one about people should use the app venmo. Even my best friend who is friends with him is like "he never ever makes Facebook posts, this is weird" and he keeps them on "public" so I can easily see it.

 

Anyway, I am trying to analyze this weird social media behavior from him. One best friend said "he is doing it for your attention, he probably knows you are checking up on him and is doing it for you to see". I just can't imagine he would care since he dumped me and then stopped talking to me. My best guy friend said "this is single guy behavior, he is just trying to get back out there". I tried to look up articles to find the psychology behind why a person adds so many people in a short amount of time after never using Facebook for years, but there aren't much. The closest thing I could find is an article that said insecure people add a lot of people they hardly know on Facebook.

 

Anyway, do any of you guys have an opinion about why he is doing this? Or if you acted similar after a breakup, why did you add so many people you hardly knew?

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Why does it matter why he is adding people? No one here can look into his mind about why he's changed his social media habits.

 

I think it would be better to focus on why you're putting so much if your attention on this guy who's no longer in your life.

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Isn’t this what happens often? People break up and do things they have not done before. When I broke up with my first puppy love at 17, I decided to get earrings and I know he hated earrings. My last ex created a Facebook account after we broke up. Women sometimes change their hairstyle / hair colour after a break up. Don’t read too much into it, especially not when it’s about Facebook.

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I agree with Birdie. If I were to guess, I would go with what your guy friend said "He's putting himself out there". Not even necessarily looking to meet women, but to connect with people!

Nothing that strange or wrong with it either. People can change their minds about something and decide to give it a try because, why not?

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Move on. You broke up. What he does on Facebook isn't your concern. Make like the chick in Frozen and "LET IT GO, LET IT GOOOOOO."

 

In all seriousness, he probably isn't thinking about you. It may seem harsh but it's likely true. The only thing you'll accomplish by constantly scrutinizing his Facebook is driving yourself crazy. Trust me, I've done it.

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Maybe he is spending more time online after the break up and that is why so many new adds lately compared to before. I deleted my FB because I had common friends with my ex and didn't like seeing things that popped up, or looking at old photos it became too much, you could maybe deactivate for a bit until you feel less sensitive regarding him.

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Maybe he is spending more time online after the break up and that is why so many new adds lately compared to before. I deleted my FB because I had common friends with my ex and didn't like seeing things that popped up, or looking at old photos it became too much, you could maybe deactivate for a bit until you feel less sensitive regarding him.

 

Great point, I didn't think of that. He probably is online a lot more huh. I was thinking of deleting it too. I just am trying will power for now until I am "over it" like the rest of the posters told me to do. LOL

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I deactivated for a long time after the breakup, as the temptation to peek was too great. We weren't "friends" but he changed his settings to public so I was still able see everything. Take a break - that's what I would suggest if you are anything like I was.

 

Yea everyone is suggesting I do that, and I really probably should. But I guess my point of the question was to ask "why" he is doing what he is doing. For example, your ex boyfriend, why do you think he changes his settings to public? Do you think it was for you to see what he was doing? Don't you think its odd to do that?

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Don't understand why you care.

 

Block him, then you will not obsess on this issue.

 

LOL this isn't answering my question, its just being rude. People care because people are hurt after a breakup. A lot of these posts telling me "why do you care" is very insensitive. Why are we all on this forum? To get insight on things on our mind.

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I'm with LovelyDani. . . block his a**. Not seeing his stuff on FB will give you some breathing room. You'll feel a lot better in a few weeks time.

 

I totally agree, and I should block him. I was just wondering the psychology behind someone who would do something like that, thats all. I guess I am over analyzing his odd behavior, I guess I just wanted other people's perspective, instead of advice. But thanks for your advice anyway.

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Lots of people examine their social life after a breakup or a fight with a friend, and they recognize that they could be doing better socially, but they've been too closed off. So they opt to turbo charge their social media and become more open and active, and this may translate into making more friends and having more to do.

 

I wouldn't agree that he's doing it for your benefit if he's the one who's angry with you and has shut you down. If you accused him of having an affair, then the last thing he's looking for is more scrutiny from you.

 

I'd quit the FB and make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this. I'd ask my friends to avoid talking about him with me, and I'd turbo charge my own social life--away from the computer.

 

Head high.

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Lots of people examine their social life after a breakup or a fight with a friend, and they recognize that they could be doing better socially, but they've been too closed off. So they opt to turbo charge their social media and become more open and active, and this may translate into making more friends and having more to do.

 

I wouldn't agree that he's doing it for your benefit if he's the one who's angry with you and has shut you down. If you accused him of having an affair, then the last thing he's looking for is more scrutiny from you.

 

I'd quit the FB and make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this. I'd ask my friends to avoid talking about him with me, and I'd turbo charge my own social life--away from the computer.

 

Head high.

Thank you for your perspective and advice! I definitely didn't think he was doing any of it for my benefit... I guess I thought more he may be doing it because he has less of a social life now without me (we spent all our free time together) and is probably trying to be more outgoing and social now that we aren't together, using Facebook to make more friends. I guess that is my wishful thinking maybe. I appreciate your psychological analysis though I was hoping for more answers like yours

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Yea everyone is suggesting I do that, and I really probably should. But I guess my point of the question was to ask "why" he is doing what he is doing. For example, your ex boyfriend, why do you think he changes his settings to public? Do you think it was for you to see what he was doing? Don't you think its odd to do that?

 

No, I don't personally think it's odd. I think he's putting himself out there and trying to move on. Whether he's looking for more friends or a girl, who knows. But people do all kinds of new stuff after a break up.

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I totally agree, and I should block him. I was just wondering the psychology behind someone who would do something like that, thats all. I guess I am over analyzing his odd behavior, I guess I just wanted other people's perspective, instead of advice. But thanks for your advice anyway.

 

He's not your problem. The less you care about what he's up to the better off you are. It really doesn't matter what he's doing, especially if it's bothering you.

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I agree with everyone. . Your healing and moving on is being impaired by checking and wondering what he's up to.

And. . I have seen the same thing. Much like someone else said previously.. once you break up you reexamine and sort of reinvent your life.

I think it's pretty typical and also maybe a means of reminding one self that you aren't just 'a couple' but that you do have a life outside of relationship.

Never the less. . it's no longer your concern.

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  • 4 years later...

I just wanted to acknowledge that throughout your relationship with your boyfriend he refused to add you on FB and fight with you over it even though you tried to talk with him time and again hoping he'd make you a priority. I hear that you were concerned that he was hiding your relationship and connecting with other people behind your back. And I hear you didn't add him to your FB because he wouldn't add you--it's not that you didn't want to -you did.

 

And when he broke up with you, you both had a fight a few months after and he friends over a hundred women he doesn't know. Sounds like spite to me.

 

I really wanted to defend and stand by you because this man was manipulating you...and the previous posts just say he's "putting himself out there" or "making new friends." BULL. He's doing this to spite you and give other women the attention, validation, respect and inclusion you were wanting to share with you.

 

He knew your wound and shoved it in your face and that is not ok. Other posters---why are you defending this man's bad behavior?

 

Yes- in the end move on, ignore him, and know he'd beneath you for this behavior AND he was not acting considerate or kind. He was passively agressivly keeping you at a distance and messing with your mind in the relationship and was doing his best to make you jealous by giving others what you wanted but he wouldn't give.

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