Hmm what to do

Ok I'm trying to post this from my phone and this is my second time typing this out so it may be things missing lol

Basically over the years I've developed a close relationship with another dude. We started speaking on a purely friendship level, we met through mutual friends. And in the beginning only saw him when I was around my other friends as we really didn't know each other. But as time went on, as you know, people genuinely become closer. Meaning we got to the point of hanging out not in large group settings. Us two just going out to grab food or the mall normal

Friend stuff. A turning point happened in our friendship when him and his ex broke up. He took it really bad, a lot of us felt bad as we thought those two would be getting married and things like that. He really loved her but I guess she didn't feel the same or wanted a break idk. I did my best to be there for him doing this time and we spent a lot of time together, just trying to get his mind off things. One night he even cried in my car talking about her and I knew at that moment we were really close. At this point I even have a key to his place. (I know kinda odd but I went with it, not even people he's dated has had one lol)

Over time he would start to joke around with me in a sexual way and I would brush it off or joke back. It was like we truly developed a bromance. Then things got kinda strange, he got distant all of a sudden and we didn't see each other as much. He told me he got really busy with work and things and I understood and let it go. Come to find it was because he was attempting to get back with his ex. He was spending all his time and money trying to win her back. I was cool with that, not with the lying part but with the fact he was trying to get her back. I thought it was messed up our relationship had to suffer but it was kinda whatever. Ultimately things didn't work out and they called it quits for sure, she moved on and saw other people. He went down this road of messing with tons of random chicks and things like that. I had to check him and tell him like dude this isn't like you is going on you are losing yourself. He at first told me I don't understand but weeks later came back and said thanks for the reality check. He then tried to make it work with one of the random girls, of course the rebound relationship. That one didn't work out as she lied about a bunch of . Why is this important, well when he was in relationships it would be place distance between us and then we he wasn't he would always be around me.

As time went on we continued growing our friendship and then things kinda changed. He would text me more explicit sexual notions and things like that. I just still brushed it off as a joke and what not. He would then tell me things like "he will always be there for me no matter what" "we will always be in each other's lives" etc. I was like yeah totally we are like bros.

(Ok I'm gonna attempt to get to the point here of my dilemma)

He would develop this jealousy over other guy friends that I had. I'm more social then he is so I do interact with a lot of people and always wanna hang out with people. (Probably has something to do with being an old child for the most part) I would tell him to chill and that no one is gonna replace him as my best friend. He was the only person that I couldn't go a day without speaking to and things like that, so in my head I knew we had some crazy bond.

Fast forwarding I one day got a message with a screenshot of a pic of him and another guy -whom was openly gay, with a suggestive caption under it. I sent it to him and was like why would someone send me this lol.

He blew up on me and was like am I talking to other people about him and blah blah. He even blew up on the dude and made him delete the pic. I sent a message to the dude in the pic as we knew each other kinda but only in passing in at mutual friend events. I told him I wanted to apologize and never intended to mess up with he and my friends relationship (meaning like friendship or whatever it may be) and I wasn't poking fun at my friend for the picture, as I'm not a judgmental person. He told me how he wasn't mad at me, but it sucked if people were tryna judge my friend for hanging out with him. He also made a statement that made me think, he said he didn't understand why my friend go so offended over the caption he made below the pic. He said other straight dudes have been in pics with him and never got offended, if my friend did maybe he was questioning his sexuality. I thought about it and then was like maybe he has a point or maybe he's just pulling at straws.

Well I later found out that this dudes intuition was true and that my friend has messed around with dudes, he actually even sent the dude from the picture tons of nudes. So this is where things go left.

Over time my friends text would get crazier and crazier. He would insinuate that we were in a relationship and things like that. Again I just looked at it as a bromance so to speak and thought nothing of it. But the jealously he had towards me other friends some

Of whom he never met just perplexed me. Like dude just chill you are still my best friend, it was almost like I only could hang out with him. I would tell him like dude chill you act as if me and you are really dating. And he would say because we are. Now I've read things on people falling in love with their best friends and things like that so I could see these feelings as normal. I really just assumed he was using me to fill a void since his last relationship lasted so long and maybe he doesn't know how to be alone.

As time went on I was like well damn maybe we are dating, I wasn't seeing anyone at the time ( at this point in life ive only been with females, in both relationships and sexual) he was my go to, like we did a lot of relationship kinda things, movies, dinner, would buy each other things. It was almost like I didn't need to entertain anymore else. I then begin to think how I never have been this close to anyone before. He then being to see another girl and that's what shook me out of the rut I'm like yeah am I thinking we aren't dating we aren't into each other like that. But then his text and actions would state otherwise. The two of us would get into full blown arguments because I would be out having fun and things like that.

I recently begin showing the text to another good friend of mine who happens to be gay and he tells me that my friend is bi or gay and really needs to be upfront with his feelings. I begin telling my friend how I myself was confused on how i really felt and maybe I too could be in love with him. Like its normal to fall in love and not have any sexual attraction or wanting to actually have sex rather. My friend tells me to tell my friend how I feel and I apprehensively take his advice.

So I text me friend and tell him that idk what to call out relationship but it's more than a friendship and over this years I've developed real feelings for him and maybe actually love him. My friend replies and expresses mutual feelings and way of thinking. So then I'm like damn what next ....

So then the jealously started to make sense and I could understand it in a way. But then I'm like we aren't dating so how could you be jealous. I actually deleted him off social media because of it. Like everything

Recently I found out that my friend had Sex with a dude he worked with. I didn't approach on this because I wanted to make sure it was true. I went through my friends phone and he is sloppy so of course I found the text that confirmed the story to be true. At first I didn't think anything of it, I was like damn he could tell me if he is bi or gay. I wasn't bothered that they had sex tbh. It wasn't until a later date that I saw more text that this dude he has sex with was expressing feelings of like love and such and that's what made me mad. I know begin feeling jealous and we got into an argument about it. My friend at first said I had nothing to worry about because the text were from a girl. Then he says it was a joke and that nothing happened between he and the dude. Then he tries to reassure me that he would never have sex with a dude. He lately has went on a tinder rage and having sex with tons of girls. Idk if this is to prove to me that he only is into to girls or not. But this plan has backfired as I found out its once again like two more dudes he flirts with online and has had sex with.

My issue is this, I've developed feelings for my friend and it took a while for me to process them and cope with the fact that maybe I could be bi. It's pissing me off that now that I've been open with him that nothing has progressed between us. Like we aren't truly in a relationship but he won't let me go. Like we had a big falling out back when I deleted him off everything and stopped the constant texting back and forth. Now we are slowing getting to the point of building our relationship back to the early days.

Sometimes I feel insecure because he's never really made a full out advance at me and I'm like well I guess I'm not good enough. He has helped me, got me to go to the gym and such, even picked a new hair cut that everyone loves for me.

I just don't know what to do. Like we don't have a defined relationship. Then he tries to assure me that he only likes girls. But then I find out he has had sex with guys.

Idk has anyone else been in a similar situation?

You have a friendship. You are bi (0ossibly) and he is either a hetero guy or closeted bi.

You can't make him to anything about it.

I would think talking to him about your confusion and feelings would at least clear the air, but ou don't seem to like the direct approach and prefer to involve the village.

Haven't been in this situation, but you need tp sit down and have a serious talk.

This guy is alllllll over the place, and is not accepting his attraction to men. I would be very careful, as this could be very painful for you.

Are you ready to be open with a man?

Hi there,

I haven't been in this situation before, I'm a 31-year-old bi/pansexual woman, whatever you wanna call it. I've always known I've liked both guys and girls since I was fourteen and been pretty open about it. But I can definitely relate to the initial confusion of realising you like people of the same gender as you! How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

First of all, my advice would be to try to examine your own feelings before trying to convince your friend to be in a romantic relationship with you. As someone who is pansexual, I believe that people may have the capacity to love someone of any gender, as long as they love THEM as a person and who they are, if that makes sense. Also I've always had a lot of GLBTI friends and have been in that scene and learnt (and believe myself) that sexuality can be fluid. Like, someone may be mostly into one gender, but meet a person of another gender as a one off and fall specifically for them and develop a spark/connection. It certainly seems to me that's what's happened for you in terms of your friend. However, you may also be attracted to both men and women, but may not have realised due to lack of opportunity (e.g. not meeting other bi/gay men).

I think the first thing you should probably think about, in what way do you love your friend? I know you said you love him, but would you have sex with him? Do you think about him sexually? I also think that we can sometimes strongly love someone in an emotional way and have a "soulmate" connection, but not necessarily want to have sex with them. I do think that sex is very important in a relationship (unless you're asexual), so this is something you need to think about before jumping the gun.

In terms of your friend, it sounds to me like he may definitely be bi, and quite possibly he may only just be starting to be more drawn to men, the way you are. This could be why he's been meaninglessly sleeping with many women, while it sounds like his real feelings are quite possibly only towards you... He may be in denial...I have actually heard some of my gay and bisexual guy friends say how hard it had been for them to admit they like men because there is often a stigma attached to it and doesn't seem as acceptable as if a woman was bi. Many of my male friends, both GLBTI and straight, have told me that they feel a lot of pressure to be "manly" and are too afraid to even seem a bit effeminate, more sensitive or "gay". It sounds to me like both you and your friend may be worried what other people think, but your friend more so.

It took a lot of guts for you to tell your friend how you feel and I think it sounds like he feels the same, but he's just too afraid/not ready to admit it.

Either way, I think you are very lucky to have found a great friend like this and have such deep connection with him. I really hope it works out for you, whether as best friends or something more.

Ive tried the direct approach and I've either gotten. "Why are you asking a silly question?" Or the "you know how I feel about you?" It's this almost clear, unclear understanding that we are on the same page.

I think the sexual things have come from him so maybe due to the repitition ive gathered those feelings. Like someone said it could be from lack of experience on my part that I'm questioning this, I'm only in my mid 20s. But I mean if someone is constantly telling you that are attracted to you eventually you would develop similar feelings. He is an actual good looking guy like I said he gets tons of attention from both sexes.

Ive tried to set the boundaries lately as trying to set the lead and say we are just friends. I flat out told him, "just to make things clear we are just friends correct?" One minute it's like yeah of course. The next it's no i love you. When I put the title of just friends he often gets sad and thinks that means we won't speak as often or something like that. It's very odd and confusing for me.

We've never gotten to a flat out moment of passion before. But in public he's hugged me, put his arm around me, tried holding me hands, things of that nature. He's saved every text message we've ever sent. He randomly will take pics of me and send them to me at random times. The only person I will stay up all hours of the night to speak to.

The dilemma I find myself in is that the reason I what more definition is because I need to know how to move on with my life. The odd feelings and actions are there, like in a real relationship so to speak. You know when your mate will lie about what they are doing or argue over who is driving or paying lol.

So it's like if you don't want to be serious then let me go on with my life and we stay friends. But don't try to feed me things to kinda keep me stagnant. I know someone asked if I'm ok with being open with a guy and I've said to myself for him because we have this established bond I would do it, if he wanted to. But I've never pursued or entertained anyone from the same sex. It's not a purely sexual thing or experimenting like most would think. The feelings are almost those of pervious relationships with girls that I thought I loved.

So I totally forgot about this forum, I should probably become more active, but pretty much things haven't gotten any better, maybe even worse at almost a year later. I'm reading over the comments in here and "hollyj" was right I should've been more careful as this is painful for me.

So over the course of the year there have been more dudes he's been intimate with and very sloppily actually. By that I mean doing things with people who aren't the most discrete. I've called him out on it and of course it was a quick denial and going out his way to prove otherwise (which was the dead giveaway) especially when I had the proof in my phone.

I think more than anything idc whom he chooses to have sex with but I finally admitted to myself that it made me jealous, which I've even stated to him.

We will fight and argue about dumb like an old married couple. I'll just block him on everything (childish I know, but it helps me focus on not trying to track what he says doing) he will just constantly call or text me, or show up to my house or even my office 🙄

We've had discussions about how I just don't feel like things aren't the same. I noticed a big change once I told him I couldn't spend as much as I use to spend due to taking a different position which resulted in a temporary paycut. (But now I'm back to making more than I did before.) so he got a new group of friends and started doing things that were totally out of the ordinary from him. But I'm just like oh well we're young still trying figure out who we are in life.

But there started to be more and more lies told and I started to build up resentment. You know I would text like "let's hang out" etc etc and would get the "I'm so busy dude" or "I'm so broke man" replies. Log into instagram and he's in Florida or Cali or at the bars doing shots. So I'm just like if you don't wanna be friends anymore just tell me. But he tells me I'm over reacting and he would never not be in my life and all this other random nonsense.

I've been thru a lot with this dude as far as being a good friend. From the advice to the supporting monetarily the list goes on. I can't even focus on even trying to entertain another relationship at this point because it's too much dealing with this one. We've both agreed that it feels like we are in an actual realtionship. So I'm just lost as to why I'm not good enough.....

I've read a lot on this thread and it sounds like you two are simply put, friends. You have caught feelings for him and he clearly loves you as a friend but as a gay man I can tell you based on what I've read - your boy is gay. Now you, have fallin in love. The question is how do you separate your friendship from your attraction? Or do you even attempt and remove yourself all together? I don't think removing yourself all together would work (after I typed it) so my suggestion would be to let him know stra8 up in your bromanship way "Listen, you know I love you and will be here for you no matter what. Soon I'm going to be dating and as my closest friend....I would like to be able to count on you as well." Than punch him, pinch or whatever your two do to bond. You have to move on, but that doesn't mean ending your friendship with him. Just be there for him as his friend....he's slowly but surely coming out of the closet. Trust me.

When I try to push away it doesn't work the frustrating part because I can't get a clear answer. I'm going to upload a few of our text so it paints the right picture. But I've accepted the fact that I've fallen for someone of the same sex, despite the fact I don't have these feelings for another male.

It's feeling more than just a bromance with the fact that he gets so jealous when I'm out with other male friends.

Like I feel like I'll never truly leave but I have to get these emotional tie cut. Like I'm friends with guys both gay and straight and this is the only relationship that is the way it is. These feelings I've developed are based on things he's said or have done.

I've decided after my last post a few days ago to start the NC (no contact). I think it's best for me so I can focus on myself and my life and not constantly worrying about him. We are now mutually blocked on instagram and Facebook which makes it a little easier for the time being. Despite the fact these past few days he's been showing up on other people's feed. Weds was the last day we spoke. But I'll count day one as today for post sake.

Day One 12/24:

Just trying to focus my mind elsewhere, it's hard because not only are we or maybe I should we WERE best friends, so it's Luke a double whammy. Losing a friend and someone you practically were in love with at the same time sucks.

I feel your pain random, but you are doing the right thing. In your case, NC really is the only way to go. Stay strong!!

Thanks and hopefully everyone will hold me accountable.

Thanks and hopefully everyone will hold me accountable. I want a good clean 30 days of no speaking

Day 2: I cracked already... I knew it would happen with the holiday and all. Got the standard "I hope you have a nice Christmas" text. And i replied very generic "you too sir". That was the end of the conversation. I was irritated I even replied but it's ok I guess, I didn't engage in full conversation. Onward and upward.

Day 3: so busy at work didn't even think about anything but work.

Happy new year!

I'm at the point where I'm no longer going thru the motions to purposely ignore him. However, I'm not going out my way to initiate contact either. This way I'm not fixated on the point of not speaking and that has made it easier to focus elsewhere and such. Of course I got the happy new year text. I simply replied "you as well"

Probably at the end of this month I'll ask to have a conversation, get some closure on this situation.

Well.. didn't make it the 30 days of NC like I wanted. We've spoke today, we are suppose to meet up in the next few days. The conversation started on his end, with the same b.s. From before things like "I love you" and "I hope you haven't been seeing anyone else"

It's funny reading this now. And I'm so glad that everyone has given me a space to vent and offer advice. Still currently doing the same song and dance. But I've been able to pull away and not get so bothered by it anymore. This would consume my day but nowadays I expect the bad behavior.

I could be attempting to have a serious conversation and boom random sexual text from him. I just don't get it. A lot of the stuff is really intense and specific.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]11287[/ATTACH]

Just an example of the types of text I get.