am i doing wrong?

so i've been in the dating world (by that i mean the online dating world *shudders*) for about a year now , I've been doing Eharmony and Match. i don't do POF or okCupid, because those sites basically seem like tinder disguised as actual dating sites. I'm 35 years old, never been married, never had kids. I recently met a girl (whos 31) on eharmony and we would talk on the phone for hours a night, our record was 4 hours. We had a date last weekend and to my surprise she was way more reserved in person with me , almost to the point where i thought the date was going badly, until toward the end of the night she asked if i wanted to get drinks (at thi spoint i thought , well maybe she is having a good time?) anyways tried to go in for the kiss, nothing crazy just a peck on the lips , she seemed put off but then went in. Now things i noticed during our phone convos and the date, her conversations center around her work, her friends , the bars she's frequents and her cats. hardly stimulating for me , especially because i'm someone who loves deep conversation and loves to connect with people on and intellectual (philosophical) level. well the next day we text all day, day after that we talk on the phone for 2 hours and it was amazing, like talking to a new person, then later on she sends me an ass pic which i was happy about so all my fears seemed unwarranted. so the next day i decided to tell her that i thought she was having a terrible time and i thought nothing was going to happen beyond the date, she then got pretty awkward that i mentioned that to her and said i overanalyzed everything way too much and that i was at times too outspoken for her (or too honest i guess) and that she just wanted to leave things where it is, so, so far with this dating thing i've been batting 0, im loosing hope and i'm not getting any younger? what the hell am i doing wrong?'

Ass pic=success

Telling her your not confident=turn off

Never let them see you sweat

Never try to hard

Never go for kiss or sex until you know she wants it

Letting her know your insecurities early on is what did you in.

Damn it i knew it!

Ass pic=success

 

Telling her your not confident=turn off

 

Never let them see you sweat

Never try to hard

Never go for kiss or sex until you know she wants it

any tips on masking the insecurities? unfortunately im a little too much of a transparent person at times

Letting her know your insecurities early on is what did you in.

J,

It is tough out there. Internet dating has changed. It is more hook up mentality these days. The one thing I will tell you is that us guys get lots of rejection. You need to be different. You need to be confident. You need to your game plan on.

You need to be comfortable in your own skin. Be easy going. Don't be negative or doubting. Be light and fun.

any tips on masking the insecurities? unfortunately im a little too much of a transparent person at times

As hard as it may be, internalize it or have a buddy to talk to about it. However never look for validation so early on when courting a woman. I have seen countless posts where the guy mess up early on because his insecurities get the better of him despite the girl being into him. Fake the confidence, don't be annoying but always assume that the woman is interested in you. It allows you to be relaxed rather than uptight trying not to make a mistake.

I like this and yes youre right its super weird, because i do not have the hook up mentality really anymore, i want a family and what not, but i dig this advice...

You need to be comfortable in your own skin. Be easy going. Don't be negative or doubting. Be light and fun.

i need to just plant seeds and not over-water basically... internalizing will be tough but i'm def going to try that more

As hard as it may be, internalize it or have a buddy to talk to about it. However never look for validation so early on when courting a woman. I have seen countless posts where the guy mess up early on because his insecurities get the better of him despite the girl being into him. Fake the confidence, don't be annoying but always assume that the woman is interested in you. It allows you to be relaxed rather than uptight trying not to make a mistake.

i need to just plant seeds and not over-water basically... internalizing will be tough but i'm def going to try that more

Good luck man, she was interested enough to send an ass pic so just keep improving for when you meet your woman.

yeah , i really wish i hadnt mess it up , but thanks man, learning experience for sure

Good luck man, she was interested enough to send an ass pic so just keep improving for when you meet your woman.

It takes practice, J. I have been where you are at. You have to have no fear. I recently went on a date. We had chatted before a bit. Went to a movie. I held her hand and knew I was in. We chatted a bit in my car and an opportunity opened up. I just knew she wanted me to kiss her. Years ago I would have not made a move. Now, I am always about being bold.

It has not failed me, yet. My kiss paid off

And if you want to thank us, forward us the ass pic

HAHAH nice , beast mode man! , i just need to calm down that is for sure, so learning experience for sure

It takes practice, J. I have been where you are at. You have to have no fear. I recently went on a date. We had chatted before a bit. Went to a movie. I held her hand and knew I was in. We chatted a bit in my car and an opportunity opened up. I just knew she wanted me to kiss her. Years ago I would have not made a move. Now, I am always about being bold.

It has not failed me, yet. My kiss paid off

HAHAHAHAH i probably shouldn't do that man lol

And if you want to thank us, forward us the ass pic

Sometimes it is just as simple as practicing. Maybe, your goal should be simple right now. Just talk to 10 random women and your only goal is to keep the conversation going. That's it. Nothing else. It will help you build confidence in both speaking and achieving a goal.

Just want to see how badly you screwed up

HAHAHAHAH i probably shouldn't do that man lol

Oh yeah I have been there as well. My fiancee didn't seem into me when I first got her number (and she wasn't) but I didn't let it deter me. The dread, anxiety, and pain that comes with dating is incomparable to anything else in my experience but if you force yourself to experience it over and over it becomes manageable.

Absolutely have to have thick skin. Focus on success not rejection.

right on, but can an old dog learn new tricks? lol im 35

Sometimes it is just as simple as practicing. Maybe, your goal should be simple right now. Just talk to 10 random women and your only goal is to keep the conversation going. That's it. Nothing else. It will help you build confidence in both speaking and achieving a goal.

AMEN my good man!

Absolutely have to have thick skin. Focus on success not rejection.

You absolutely can, J!

My ex was 31 and I am 43. Just takes time and effort and practice.

right on, but can an old dog learn new tricks? lol im 35

Right on man! well then i guess ill take this advice and apply it

You absolutely can, J!

My ex was 31 and I am 43. Just takes time and effort and practice.

what the hell am i doing wrong?'

EVERYTHING. You are doing everything wrong.

1. Online dating is not ideal as a primary way of dating. It should be a supplement to your other, real life, efforts to find someone.

2. Don't spend a bunch of time texting or talking on the phone before you actually meet and try to date.

3. Don't pour out your insecurities to someone you are just starting to date. It's very much a turn-off.

4. Try not to be too desperate. Just relax and get to know people with a more relaxed mindset.