not good enough?

after a devastating breakup, the first of its kind after being together for 5 years I feel so unsure of myself. was I not good enough? how did he lose feelings so easily? am I that bad? I am full of self doubt. how do I believe in myself when im too broken?

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I think there was too much fighting and drama...according to your other threads. That points to incompatibility and isn't necessarily a reflection on you.

after a devastating breakup, the first of its kind after being together for 5 years I feel so unsure of myself. was I not good enough? how did he lose feelings so easily? am I that bad? I am full of self doubt. how do I believe in myself when im too broken?

 

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I'm sorry to hear of your pain.

These feelings are normal. Especially the self doubt.I know it doesn't help now, but these feelings and this time will pass. Try to look after yourself and surround yourself with supportive people. Good luck

don't put this on yourself. you did nothing wrong. people make their own choices. he made a choice to leave you, it is irrelevant to question it. it is hard for you to understand this now, but i have been where you have and everyone on this website said one thing that i know now is true, run. i never understood it in the beginning.

run with your emotions, run to safety. because staying in the same spot will only hurt you. focus on yourself and how you can get back on your feet. everyone has potential to do great things, so find yours and stick to it. be positive, think positive and positive things will follow.

it will take time to adjust so give yourself that time. another good advice i got here is to compartmentalize you pain. so that means assign one hour of your day, preferably after school/work where you allow yourself to feel the pain, cry it out, write down angry thoughts, and then tear it up and toss it in the garbage. you will get better. call it a learning experience and move forward with your life.

I think there was too much fighting and drama...according to your other threads. That points to incompatibility and isn't necessarily a reflection on you.

fighting over silly things because I became needy and lost myself. I was so insecure. incompatibility I don't know but I wish if he and me were to start over, I picture a perfectly happy life. he still loves me and I love him vut we just aren't together.

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I'm sorry to hear of your pain.

These feelings are normal. Especially the self doubt.I know it doesn't help now, but these feelings and this time will pass. Try to look after yourself and surround yourself with supportive people. Good luck

Thanks. My ex sent me a message after the breakup saying that I am a wonderful person, I always was. I do not know if it was meant to just soften the blow or he really meant it.

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don't put this on yourself. you did nothing wrong. people make their own choices. he made a choice to leave you, it is irrelevant to question it. it is hard for you to understand this now, but i have been where you have and everyone on this website said one thing that i know now is true, run. i never understood it in the beginning.

 

run with your emotions, run to safety. because staying in the same spot will only hurt you. focus on yourself and how you can get back on your feet. everyone has potential to do great things, so find yours and stick to it. be positive, think positive and positive things will follow.

 

it will take time to adjust so give yourself that time. another good advice i got here is to compartmentalize you pain. so that means assign one hour of your day, preferably after school/work where you allow yourself to feel the pain, cry it out, write down angry thoughts, and then tear it up and toss it in the garbage. you will get better. call it a learning experience and move forward with your life.

yes, my mind keeps changing. one moment I don't need him, the other I dive deep down into sadness thinking why he wasn't here with me. because he was the love of my life.

I am very pretty( people tell me that), I maintain my body well, that kind of girl who has never had problems getting attention anywhere I went, people call me sweet and loving and talented ( classical dancer, musiciam, swimmer, poet, orator and now a doctor).

I do not have a problem believing I will find someone else, cuz trust me I have been having guys asking me out even when I was in a relationship. but I am just not interested. I doubt if I was too much for him to handle. there used to be a time when he used to say I was such a catch and he was lucky to have me. but now , he doesn't seem to be interested at all.

and I am wondering if all that I was actually failed to keep the one I love close to me...

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The end of the relationship had nothing to do with your appearance and everything to do with hour insecurity and neediness. And that can be exhausting for a partner.

And picturing a "perfect life" is also very unrealistic. Your best shot at happiness is to determined e the root cause of your insecurity and heal it.

The end of the relationship had nothing to do with your appearance and everything to do with hour insecurity and neediness. And that can be exhausting for a partner.

 

And picturing a "perfect life" is also very unrealistic. Your best shot at happiness is to determined e the root cause of your insecurity and heal it.

thank you I shall. I figured out I was needy to the maximum and that was the root of all the drama and fights. I shall work on myself. I never knew I would be so dependent on a guy, because this was my first relationship and I learnt what I could become. I am thinking if I should actually get back with him if he see's that I have changed and tries to reach out? I am on NC. I know all the drama hurt him but

He planned on marrying me someday and of everyone he had met, I was 'the one' to him he said. He just gave up because he couldn't handle the person I had become.

I don't know if he will reach out but what if he does?

Stop focusing on him --- that is part of the problem.

Focus on you. He wont reach out --- he reached the end of his rope.

What are you going to do to fix YOU?

Thanks. My ex sent me a message after the breakup saying that I am a wonderful person, I always was. I do not know if it was meant to just soften the blow or he really meant it.

 

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You're most welcome. He will have meant it and also, to soften the blow as i'm sure he was a nice person. These type of messages and dwelling on them is akin to rubbing salt in the wounds. Try your hardest to build yourself up as a person again and i know it's a big cliche and bloody hard as hell, but work at 'moving on'. It's ok to feel the pain and grief, but just don't get stuck.