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Thread: Struggling with intense negative emotions and self doubt

  1. #1
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    Struggling with intense negative emotions and self doubt

    Long story short.... I feel like I am currently struggling with intense emotions of anger sadness and negativity about myself. I was dumped about 4 months back by a girl who I broke.up with because of her lack of commitment to move relationship forward about 9 months back.

    She came back after the first break after a couple of months (when I was emotionally alright and moving on with life) and asked to get back together. I decided to give her a chance as she seemed genuinely sorry for letting me go. And then after 4 months of resurrecring the relationship (LD) she dumps me because she "just didn't feel it"

    Most humiliating and confusing experience.


    The issue is.... I thought she was really awesome and we shared great chemistry. And now I am starting to blame myself for not being able to give my 100% when she came back. It was sort of like.... My mind was always asking... Is she right... Is she genuine... Etc.... And that maybe showed in my behavior...

    In the end... She just stopped answering my calla when i told her I am not ready for another "break and get back" ... She dumped me just by disappearing like that... And I was so hurt and angry and that after 3 days of calling her and noticing she blocked me on fb... I assumed she has dumped me. I could not convince myself to go begging and lovey dovey after that


    But today... I still feel weird about all this. Sort of like... What the heck happened

    Can someone please help

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I think when we spend a lot of time flogging ourselves with "woulda, coulda' shoulda's" it's an veiled attempt at changing the unchangeable.
    If only you had done this -----fill in the blank, the outcome would be different. After all . . all we have control is is overselves.
    So change yourself, change the outcome?

    Nope!. . there are two people in the equation and she shares the responsibility for the failure. And . . you . . can't . . change . . .her.
    So, now you have no choice but to let it go.

    Punishing yourself serves absolutely no purpose.
    All that energy you are putting into hurting yourself. .turn it around and use that same energy constructively. . - to get right with yourself and carry on.
    It's time to move on. . Today!

  3. #3
    Gold Member patterned's Avatar
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    You're fine, don't doubt yourself.

    Don't worry so much, and don't be so embarrassed. You may not be happy with the outcome, you may not be happy with some of your choices, but that's OK, that's life. In the end, if it was going to work you two would have made it work.

    Do look at yourself and learn, also know that you did what you did for whatever reason. And she played her own part as well.

    The path isn't always clear, but we usually do what we do for a reason.

  4. #4
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    I'be been doing the shoulda, coulda, woulda do. I'be been beating up myself that maybe if I had done things he would still be with me and not her. But you are right when you say you can't change the unchangeable. I am trying to think positive thoughts each day....one of the first being that you cannot control people's behaviour.....sad but true.

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  6. #5
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    Thanks people. I am not sure why but I just can't seem to accept. It's sort of like I am now looking back and thinking... Damn... If she came back asking for a second Chance, why wasn't I more open and trusting. Why didn't I show her the best time... Like the first time.... Its an emotional mess...

    The other reason is that she just disappeared. She didn't tell the reason or anything... So the end was very confusing and sort of like it just slipped out of hand...


    I wanted her to prove that I could trust her again but in that process maybe I built up a wall... Its really difficult to isolate what exactly happened that led to her changing her mind.... I tried to talk to her but it was vain. Her blocking me and stuff made it further difficult for me to really have a meaningful conversation.

    How can someone act like this... You know?


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