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Thread: What should I do about this situation with my boyfriend?

  1. #1
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    What should I do about this situation with my boyfriend?

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months now. He is obsessed with fishing and it gets in the way of our relationship. About 2 months ago I had a big talk with him about it, and I even broke up with him for a bit over it. I did this because it was so bad, he would go fishing all day on days he was supposed to see me, kicking me out of his house so he could go last min with his fishing friends, never do anything nice for me (it was always me paying for things, doing sweet gestures), never a gentleman, and just generally put fishing over me. So after this, he apologized and begged me to take him back. He said that he would never put fishing over me again, and I believed him. We set up 3 days a week that we would see each other- Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday.

    I realize I canít change people but I can tell he is starting to do the same thing again. Itís winter now, and he said multiple times he wouldn't be out fishing because of the season. Well, here he is still going out. And the day before Christmas eve, is one of the days we were supposed to see each other ( its a Wednesday) and he planned a cod fishing trip on a boat for the entire day. This upsets me so much, because I can't see him for the holidays, and I feel like he is going against his word, and I am not a priority to him. Although he said he would make the day up for me, I still feel as if it is wrong. He just went cod fishing today as well (even took off work last min to go) so why go again on one of our days? Especially before the holidays.

    I am 18 years old, and he is my first boyfriend so I don't have a lot of experience with relationships. I don't really know what to do about this situation because I do love him. I love a lot of qualities that he has, so I donít want to break up with him. I would like to fix things, but I feel like I have put sooo much of my time and energy into fixing this. I really donít know what to do at this point. I just wish I could be a bigger priority in his life like he is in mine. I feel like I nag him a lot about how I feel and how i donít like what heís doing, and I donít want to be the type of girlfriend to nag and be clingy to their bf all the time. But sometimes I donít know what else to do. What should I tell him? Is there any hope?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    At nine months in, it's most likely infatuation, not love. And anyway, love alone is never the reason to stay with someone forever if a person doesn't meet your needs. You've done mostly everything right so far. You've communicated your needs. You broke up when he didn't make the effort you wanted. This showed him you were not a doormat and had standards. It was okay to take him back when he said he would change to get you back. Now he's reverting to his old ways. If he wanted to spend time with you on your normal date, he would. He's choosing to spend time on his hobby.

    It's great to have hobbies, but when the time spent on them is obsessive, then leave a person to it. Leave the relationship because it's better to choose someone who you don't want to change. As you've seen, people rarely do change. That's the point of dating. To see who the real person is after the honeymoon period and know if who they are is who you want to pursue a longterm relationship with. You've learned who you don't want. A person should match your dating goals. If they don't, move on and keep at it until you find "the one." He's not it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    He would rather be fishing....for some guys it is an obsession.

    I would say goodbye and not try a third time. There are plenty of guys who don't fish.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Dump him and find a guy who doesn't think that fishing is better than sex.

    You have no reason to waste your time on him and frankly, this is one of those where it would be kind of hard for you to do worse but easy to do better than this guy.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    Well, he could be a fishing guy who likes chewing tobacco!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Just wanted to add one thing about nagging. When you keep sticking around with someone who is not right for you and then try to make them be right for you, you will inevitably turn into a nag. So the way you avoid becoming a nag is you recognize that this person is not a good match for you and cut them loose so you can both find someone who is a good fit.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Just wanted to add one thing about nagging. When you keep sticking around with someone who is not right for you and then try to make them be right for you, you will inevitably turn into a nag. So the way you avoid becoming a nag is you recognize that this person is not a good match for you and cut them loose so you can both find someone who is a good fit.
    Very wise words and should be heeded by everyone!

  9. 12-12-2015, 12:13 AM

  10. #8
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    I think you should embrace fishing because fishing is fun. Have you ever tried it?

    You need to intergrate yourself into some of his hobbies if you want to remain his g/friend. Try it, but if you don't like it at least you tried. I bet he'd love to have you there.

  11. #9
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Break up with him permanently this time and find a guy not obsessed with fishing.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member SpottiOtti's Avatar
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    Well, if you want to stay with this guy, you're either going to have to take up fishing too, or you're going to have to take up some other hobby to fill your time so you aren't sitting around waiting for him to get home from the lake. There aren't any magic words you can say to make him come around to your way of thinking. You either accept him as he is, or you find someone you are more compatible with.

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