Ok .. A little happy help!! :-)

i have been writing my girl nightly readings if you will.. for 37 nights straight i have written either a list of why i love her, ( ive done it by weeks, months, year..) ive wrote stories of dream dates.. so many things.. and i send them to her and she reads them before bed every night. She loves them... yesterday, i went out and bought flowers and side walk chalk. I wrote romantic things on side walks around town, laid the flowers by each writing and took pictures... then made up a date in full detail.. and in the date we walked down the side walk id include one of the pictures as she would see them on our walk..and i text these to her every night before we say good night.. my problem is.. i am running out of ideas! im pretty creative and i like to keep them decently long, not just a paragraph.. but after 37 of them... im running out of ideas!! any creative ideas out there????

First, I will applaud you for your actions. That's brave......little over the top IMO, but brave for sure! Good work.

Second, remember, "NOTHING Is good when taken to the extreme". You know you over did it a bit and now it has become a norm, and now you have to get REALLY creative and work even harder....even though you were already working extremely hard.

What I would do is back off a bit, but slowly. Go from doing it daily to every other day. In 2 weeks, go to every 3 days. Key is to reach "Moderation" or "balance" aka healthy levels. You need to ease into it or your girl will be concerned.

Third, is BALANCE. Has your girl friend given you the amount of "showing love" as much as you have? If not, then what you are doing is not good AT ALL. She should be showing you as much love as you are showing her. Again, when it comes to ANY relationship in life, it's all about balance. Whenever you have one party doing ALL the work and other doing NONE, that's not health/and extreme.

As I like to put it, 50/50 is perfect, combinations of 60/40 or even 70/30 are fine (depending on certain circumstances of course). And the second you are into 80/20....90/10.......100/0...>WATCH OUT, TROUBLE.

Remember, when it comes to friends, family, loved ones......show love (by all means) but do NOT be the only one doing the work. Allow others to prove their love to you BACK. For example, if you are always organizing events with your friend...and they never do, back off and let them do it. if they don't, that shoudl tell you they are not good friends......same for your girl friend.

I usually like to apply "everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but not 3rd" rule. I reach out or organize something once, if other party doesn't do it.....I might do it 2nd time if I feel there is still hope....if there is still nothing, it's done (out of balance/not healthy). and I back off completely and let the other party show interest.

I think I gave you enough to think about for now......

This is probably going to be an unpopular reply but I think you should consider scaling back. She might enjoy it now, but she's going to get bored. Is she investing this kind of energy into you? Think about that. Because if she's not, the balance of things are going to work against you in the long wrong. It's awesome to do nice things for people we care about, but there needs to be a balance.. I'm not saying stop totally, you should absolutely be looking to surprise and excite her, just remember a little push/pull is needed at times. I could be totally off... but you remind of the guy who will eventually show up here with a broken heart saying all you did was treat her like a queen.

Edit! Dof beat me to it.

This is probably going to be an unpopular reply but I think you should consider scaling back. She might enjoy it now, but she's going to get bored. Is she investing this kind of energy into you? Think about that. Because if she's not, the balance of things are going to work against you in the long wrong. It's awesome to do nice things for people we care about, but there needs to be a balance.. I'm not saying stop totally, you should absolutely be looking to surprise and excite her, just remember a little push/pull is needed at times. I could be totally off... but you remind of the guy who will eventually show up here with a broken heart saying all you did was treat her like a queen.

 

 

Edit! Dof beat me to it.

Yep, lots of evidence in the mens world of "going WAY up and above/queen treatment" completely backfiring!!!

Many women also find it to be a big turn off, to be treated like a queen. Treat people based on how well they treat you. If she is not treating you like a king, no queen treatment is required.

PS. This is also a great woman filter IMO. If you treat someone great, and they don't and end up treating you like crap, aka use your niceness against you.....well, those are the worse kind of people in my book (stay away).

Mod Note: Thread moved from the "Sex And Romance" category to the, "Healing After Breakup And Divorce" forum.

I thought you broke up in Nov?

back talking again... a lot of ups and downs... but im still trying

.. it was October..

It's very sweet but has she said she wants to try again? Because unless she does you've got nothing

we havent really talked about it... we just gravitated back to talking.. its up and down.. she back to telling me she loves me so much.. we are talking more.. but still there are issues.

we havent really talked about it... we just gravitated back to talking.. its up and down.. she back to telling me she loves me so much.. we are talking more.. but still there are issues.

So you are telling us you are doing ALL OF THAT to a person you are not even dating?

That is extremely bizzare. I would recommend that you stop right away. You are trying to WIN her love....and that's not how love works.

Back off.......FAST. You are not just scaring her away.....you are probably frightening her at this point.

Also, no she does NOT love you very much at all. LOVE IS DEFINED WITH ACTION. What action has she taken to show you "love".

Sorry, but you are doing it wrong OP.

She dumped the boyfriend she was cheating on you with? any plans to meet this girl for the first time yet? Please tell me, are you supporting her financially because this makes absolutely no sense.

What the!?

I thought this guy was in a relationship. Holy smokes, abort! This is so unhealthy for you.

Looking back at your posts, on November 6 (3 weeks ago) you were posting about wanting to kill yourself and that the only thing keeping you alive was your dog. Now you're saying for 37 days you've been doing cutesy things for this girl and that she loves them.

Sorry but something doesn't add up?

Actually it does add up... Ive never stopped sending them to her.. yes.. basically im an idiot and i cant let go of her. yes, i feel like i want to die. Yes she cheated on me.. yet i still cant let go. she blows me off at times, treats me like she doesn't care at times.. then ends up reeling me back in telling me how much she loves me, she wants to get together so on.. she tells me everyday how much she is looking forward to see what im going to send her every night.. and she keeps them and re-reads them . i dont know if she still talks to this other guy.. so much i dont know. BELIEVE me my head tells me what i should do.. my heart cant let go of her and i dont know why.. its thrown me into a major depression, its affecting my health... i dont know why i cant walk away from her..

OP, may I ask how old you are?

i have been writing my girl nightly readings if you will.. for 37 nights straight i have written either a list of why i love her, ( ive done it by weeks, months, year..) ive wrote stories of dream dates.. so many things.. and i send them to her and she reads them before bed every night. She loves them... yesterday, i went out and bought flowers and side walk chalk. I wrote romantic things on side walks around town, laid the flowers by each writing and took pictures... then made up a date in full detail.. and in the date we walked down the side walk id include one of the pictures as she would see them on our walk..and i text these to her every night before we say good night.. my problem is.. i am running out of ideas! im pretty creative and i like to keep them decently long, not just a paragraph.. but after 37 of them... im running out of ideas!! any creative ideas out there????

While this may seem very sweet in romance novels for teens, I would find it very smothering, suffocating and it would eventually make me feel very uncomfortable. To me it's total over-kill. I would suggest you back off completely - 37 is enough already (imo).