Second chance, rebuilding trust...

Even though I never cheated on my ex, he interpreted me going out one night by myself instead of a pack of girls for safety (NOT to a pick-up bar) and trusting the wrong person to get me home as cheating. The night ended with me driving myself, still drunk, to the ER for an exam and preventative measures just in case, though I fought him off enough he didn't complete the act (they also wrote painkillers).

He had been, at that point, making time for me once a month and only communicating between visits if I initiated it. It turns out that he had also been lying to me at the time about still being enrolled in college.

I didn't tell anyone -- my best friend, my mom, my sister, nobody. And when his finals should have been over, I emailed him to address the issues that I had been holding on to so as not to rock the boat and upset his school performance. No response for a week, then we tried to patch things up but I was in denial still. He was the first person I told, several weeks later, and only when the trauma was getting to me so badly he demanded that I spill.

We were together a year after that and he said he was over it. When we split the last time, I dumped him because he said he was only attracted to me, he didn't love me, and did not see a future. I informed him that the impetus for my self-esteem boost was, in a moment of weakness, giving one of the many guys who asked for my number in the time we were "dating" the number. He lived across from my mother, had seen me several times, and walked over just to ask. I needed that ego boost, though I said I wasn't single. We had two conversations, and I then ended things. Said that I had absolutely no knowledge of if I would even date that guy, but I knew how my "boyfriend" didn't feel, or at least I thought I did.

He said he interpreted that as cheating as well, and became jealous and angry for six months.

Says that he doesn't know if he can trust me, but wants to be with me.

I am drawing my line here. I have male friends and have absolutely no intention of sleeping with them. I will see them, I will talk to them, I might even go to their houses. I am more than fine with setting a rule that he gets to meet anyone first, and veto power for any individual after meeting them if he can provide a justification that is logical and reasonable. But I didn't cheat, damnit.

Lyon two are fundamentally different. I would not revisit this.

No ,you're better off moving on.When the trust is broken, it is very difficult to repair-not only the trust is gone, the bond is broken right there and then. It'll never be the same

No ,you're better off moving on.When the trust is broken, it is very difficult to repair-not only the trust is gone, the bond is broken right there and then. It'll never be the same

No, I want to try to fix whatever trust he feels was broken, but be rational. I will not be one of those women who aren't allowed to ever see any male friends without their guy there, especially because I am *not* a cheater, and in fact ended the relationship I should have ended a lot sooner just so I absolutely couldn't even be tempted to cheat by feeling neglected and unloved.

Feeling neglected and unloved ---- should direct you toward resolving the underlying issues. Not to seek validation in the company of another.

Also, his lack of trust, your set of rules/veto power, etc all point to a "reconciliation" that sounds like it is happening out of loneliness, and not out of any sense of commitment.

Also, I have went out once alone since that awful night in 2013, to the sports bar near my mother's house, with her being responsible for getting me home. It was a test because honestly I have major issues going out in public alone now at all. And I had two Cape Cods.

Feeling neglected and unloved ---- should direct you toward resolving the underlying issues. Not to seek validation in the company of another.

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This I agree with. I made a huge mistake by not being a more pushy girlfriend then, but it had been discussed, just not with enough gumption on my end.

I went out, yes, wearing a nice, ankle-lengh skirt and a touch of makeup, to a sports bar that had NTN trivia. I wasn't going to object to getting hit on for the ego boost, but my intention was that I wasn't just going to sit home alone all the time if he was too busy to hang out, not to meet anyone. Yes, I should have employed a friend's strategy of having a wing-girl for the night, but she asked me to take on that role when she went to one of three bars in my town that have people interested in dancing and finding an intimate partner as a primary clientele.

The dude was told immediately I wasn't available, and said he was just out of a relationship so wasn't looking to score but to play some pool and darts.

I was an idiot. I should have rocked the boat. I am willing to acknowledge both of those, and if I actually went out at all much anymore, I'd be fine with any limits he sets in that regard.

But I don't screw around with other people, emotionally or physically. I have enough respect for any person I am with to end things LONG before screwing or emotions come into play.

As far as rules, he's not asking for them -- I am offering them. I want to understand what lines he felt were broken other than the ones I think I know. I want to make an effort, if he feels betrayed, to understand why and show that I am sincere and never intended to break his trust.

But I also pointed out that we are both going to have to go on trust if we want to start things over fresh, and this kind of stuff must be hashed out first so we know if we are ready to put the past in the past and not hold the old crap over each other's heads.