Feelings Unrequited... :'(

Dear all,

I'm new here and know I should properly introduce myself... but, there's something I really need to get off my chest...

I met someone online whom I've fallen for... she's 9-yrs older than me (I am 31-y/o).

I was surprised that she replied my message because women like her usually ignore me. Not that I'm ugly... I think I look ok... just kinda nerdy and introverted. She's attractive, funloving and outgoing.

I'm a Registered Nurse. She's in Marketing and Sales.

I thought we were too different and did not feel anything for her at first.

She sent me a photo of herself wearing glasses and without makeup. I sensed that it was a test because she asked me, "Do you know how old I am?"

Unfortunately, I fell for that side of her - the face with the wrinkles, freckles, the hair that is not styled, the unflattering clothes. She also happens to be a decent person...

She likes someone else... who is not ready for a long-term relationship. They're not together but are meeting once a week.

I was heartbroken to hear that she likes someone else. I did not tell her how I feel.

We have been texting each other, but, I always initiate. It was frustrating for me, so I told her that I will no longer initiate. I try to reason with myself... that maybe she's busy, maybe there are too many people texting her, maybe she is a face-to-face kinda person... at the end of the day, I can't help feeling that she simply doesn't care...

I texted this, "I'm not telepathic... Should I leave you alone? Can't hear your tone of voice, but sensing that you're trying to hint at me to stop. I'm bad at social cues, so forgive me if i'm wrong..."

Her: "Well, we can be friends. No problem with that.

Me: "I'll leave it up to you whether to keep in contact or not... You decide where to meet if you're ok with the idea."

Her: "I'm going away for a while... will catch up when i'm back. I'm ok being friends."

She is currently on a business trip. She said she will catch up with me once she's back. We plan to meet in person (it was her idea to meet at first. I refused because I was afraid of getting too attached. Then I changed my mind and said we could meet).

She just wants me to be her friend. I have not told her how I feel about her... I said I'm ok being just friends, too.

I would like to change her mind, but, I don't want to try too hard... I just wanna be myself and let her decide if she likes me...

Anyone with a similar experience...?

Any introverts here with an extroverted partner, or, vice versa?

She likes someone else...

 

We have been texting each other, but, I always initiate. . at the end of the day, I can't help feeling that she simply doesn't care...

I texted this, "I'm not telepathic... Should I leave you alone? Can't hear your tone of voice, but sensing that you're trying to hint at me to stop. I'm bad at social cues, so forgive me if i'm wrong..."

 

Her: "Well, we can be friends. No problem with that.

You're right when you say feelings unrequited. She has made it clear she is NOT interested in you in a romantic/relationship way. She doesn't mind being friends, but if you want more from her, then be prepared to get hurt, because she is NOT interested. It would probably be a good idea to find someone else (if you are looking for a partner and not just a friendship).

Btw, do you know if she's straight or not?

She's gay. She's been gay for a long time.

I know she has made it clear that she's not interested, but we haven't met in person.

I was just wondering if things might change if we were to meet and talk face-to-face, whether this has happened to anyone before.

Even though she likes someone else, she's still actively looking for a long-term partner (as that woman does not want a long-term relationship).

And, I haven't told her about my feelings because we haven't met.

Maybe I won't like her after meeting?

But, if I do like her after meeting, I will probably confess after some time.

And, I haven't told her about my feelings ..

Trust me, I think she is fully aware of how you feel.

We have been texting each other, but, I always initiate. It was frustrating for me, so I told her that I will no longer initiate. I try to reason with myself... that maybe she's busy, maybe there are too many people texting her, maybe she is a face-to-face kinda person... at the end of the day, I can't help feeling that she simply doesn't care...

 

I texted this, "I'm not telepathic... Should I leave you alone? Can't hear your tone of voice, but sensing that you're trying to hint at me to stop. I'm bad at social cues, so forgive me if i'm wrong..."

Just reading this part of your post pretty much makes it obvious how you feel and if strangers on the internet can see it, there is no doubt she knows - hence she never initiates and you get the feeling she doesn't care. Believe me, she KNOWS how you feel about her.

We haven't even met yet. And, you're implying we have absolutely no chance.

Thanks.

Why would meeting in person change anything. She is interested in someone else.

We haven't even met yet. And, you're implying we have absolutely no chance..

I never said there is no chance - please don't put words in my mouth. I was only going on information you have provided so far, and so far, it appears she is not interested in a relationship with you. MAYBE, after you have met in person, maybe, things might change, but until then, all we go on is the here and now.

Why would meeting in person change anything. She is interested in someone else.

That woman is not interested in her, so she's open to meeting other people and possibly falling for someone else.

Meeting in person is a lot different from texting. If texting and social media were enough, maybe we should all stay home.

She is the one who is more keen to meet. I am the introverted one. It took me some time to think about it and agree about meeting up.

Anyway, just forget it.

I don't understand - why so angry and defensive?

I don't understand - why so angry and defensive?

 

I think it is more "woe is me" syndrome.

 

Meet her. But don't pretend that this is about wanting to be friends. And remember, it is easier to be articulate in texts than it is in person.