Still a bit awkward with GF of 3 months, should I bring this up?

Hello,

I've been with this girl for over 3 months and we care for each other so much. One thing that's been bothering me is that our conversations are sometimes awkward, with not-so-comfortable silences. Phone conversation is almost non-existent as I prefer texting. I'm a shy, quiet guy and not a good conversationalist. This makes me insecure because she's very talkative with her friends and I'm afraid she'll become bored in the long run. Do you think I should bring this up to her, like "does it bother you that our conversations are not as great as it should be?" Or would that make me look insecure and damage her interest?

Are you good carrying conversations with her in person, and are just not good on the phone? Or do you feel you can't carry a conversation period?

It would make you look insecure and lose her interest. Perhaps it is time to step outside your comfort zone and try to learn to carry on an interesting conversation.

I'd avoid asking that question... but research ways to making a conversation interesting

Are you good carrying conversations with her in person, and are just not good on the phone? Or do you feel you can't carry a conversation period?

I have trouble carrying conversation with basically anyone. She's aware that I'm very quiet from the get-go so she keeps trying to keep conversations alive, and I enjoy being the listener, asking her questions and such. The problem comes when she's run out of things to say and I have no idea what to say to revive the conversation.

Ask her questions. And perhaps read up on world and cultural events.

I certainly wouldn't phrase it that way. Ultimately, a relationship is a friendship. You wouldn't say to a friend, "do u think our convos are not what they ought to be?" Would u? No. You would probably just talk more. Would u be able, as others mentioned, to step out your comfort zone? Try making more conversation just as u would with a friend.

I certainly wouldn't phrase it that way. Ultimately, a relationship is a friendship. You wouldn't say to a friend, "do u think our convos are not what they ought to be?" Would u? No. You would probably just talk more. Would u be able, as others mentioned, to step out your comfort zone? Try making more conversation just as u would with a friend.

It would make you look insecure and lose her interest. Perhaps it is time to step outside your comfort zone and try to learn to carry on an interesting conversation.

true, the best solution is to up my convo game. actually I've been reading stuff since forever about how to keep up a conversation, but when it's time to apply it, my mind often goes blank! or I might think of something but refrain from saying it because I'm afraid it'd sound trivial or uninteresting. do you have any article, book, or video suggestions?

Try a newspaper, a documentary...talk to her. Not at her.

Gimmicks are not going to work. You need to BECOME interesting.

Try a newspaper, a documentary...talk to her. Not at her.

 

Gimmicks are not going to work. You need to BECOME interesting.

I read news and stuff alright, but often I refrain from saying those stuff because I'm afraid she wouldn't get it or not in the mood for serious stuff. Maybe I should step out of my comfort zone and just initiate it, see how she reacts.

I think you are afraid to have an opinion. I am sure she has many interesting conversation about news, current events, etc.

Talk about anything you're interested in at all... Even if it's something she knows nothing about. If she likes you, she'll be interested in hearing you talk about it and will try to learn a bit more about it so she can understand your interests/opinions...

Or maybe she's just vapid... In which case the sooner you figure it out the better...

maybe you are concerned about how she will react to your topics of conversation? I've been there, afraid you'll lose her or afraid you'll create an argument? My advice to you is get this down, because lack of good communication with GF is a relationship killer and has dogged me for years. I'm in "training" right now, learning about "disarming techniques", etc. it sounds like your having problems just talking about anything, non-confrontational stuff, wait until an argument comes up, then it gets harder! My advice is let it fly, tell her about your opinions, what you think about things, anything, and then ask her opinion. The funniest conversations are offbeat, I remember talking for an hour about if dogs go to heaven or not. Actually gave me a lot of insight into her, which is the whole point of dating right?

maybe you are concerned about how she will react to your topics of conversation? I've been there, afraid you'll lose her or afraid you'll create an argument? My advice to you is get this down, because lack of good communication with GF is a relationship killer and has dogged me for years. I'm in "training" right now, learning about "disarming techniques", etc. it sounds like your having problems just talking about anything, non-confrontational stuff, wait until an argument comes up, then it gets harder! My advice is let it fly, tell her about your opinions, what you think about things, anything, and then ask her opinion. The funniest conversations are offbeat, I remember talking for an hour about if dogs go to heaven or not. Actually gave me a lot of insight into her, which is the whole point of dating right?

No, I'm not afraid about argument, it's just that I think some topics would lose her. For example I've been reading stuff about the Syrian refugees. I'd like to talk about it but I know she's not into current affairs and this stuff is more fitted for conversations with the guys. Maybe I should just go ahead and ask her opinions about serious stuff?

Women are perfectly capable of discussing a problem that the world is facing. Or does she only discuss the Kardashians.

No, I'm not afraid about argument, it's just that I think some topics would lose her. For example I've been reading stuff about the Syrian refugees. I'd like to talk about it but I know she's not into current affairs and this stuff is more fitted for conversations with the guys. Maybe I should just go ahead and ask her opinions about serious stuff?

You sound sexist.

You sound sexist.

Agreed... Mind you, if she's completely uninterested in the world happening around her, she may also just be vapid... Either way... Only one way to know for sure....

You sound sexist.

Apologies if I sounded that way but obviously I was only referring to my gf when I said it's more fitted for the guys. Not all women like to discuss heavy stuff and I know for sure she rarely reads the news. Or maybe I underestimate her. I'll try to start more serious stuff and see how she reacts. If it's not positive then maybe we're just not compatible in this area (she's vapid).

How would you know...you never introduce a topic?

Apologies if I sounded that way but obviously I was only referring to my gf when I said it's more fitted for the guys. Not all women like to discuss heavy stuff and I know for sure she rarely reads the news. Or maybe I underestimate her. I'll try to start more serious stuff and see how she reacts. If it's not positive then maybe we're just not compatible in this area (she's vapid).

And you are perhaps too shy and dull.

How would you know...you never introduce a topic?

I try once in a while. Sometimes she asks things, sometimes she just nods and ooh-ing. Certainly we never get deep in serious stuff.

And you are perhaps too shy and dull.

Perhaps I am. I'll try getting out of this comfort zone.

Wow, I just read what vapid actually means. English is not my first language, I thought it only meant not too deep, but not shallow and unmaterialistic. She's certainly not vapid, she's actually smart tbh.

Wow, I just read what vapid actually means. English is not my first language, I thought it only meant not too deep, but not shallow and unmaterialistic. She's certainly not vapid, she's actually smart tbh.

It means that she's boring and offers you no intellectual stimulation/challenge... Materialistic and shallowness fall within the definition, but aren't required, nor exclusive... Likewise, exceptionally intelligent people can be vapid when they lack ordinary social awareness and an inability to relate to others outside of a confined scope of special discipline...

Point is, you shouldn't feel like you need to hide your thoughts from her... If she's intelligent and interested, she'll follow and reciprocate as best as she can.

It means that she's boring and offers you no intellectual stimulation/challenge... Materialistic and shallowness fall within the definition, but aren't required, nor exclusive... Likewise, exceptionally intelligent people can be vapid when they lack ordinary social awareness and an inability to relate to others outside of a confined scope of special discipline...

 

Point is, you shouldn't feel like you need to hide your thoughts from her... If she's intelligent and interested, she'll follow and reciprocate as best as she can.

I see. I was just afraid the word sounded derogatory whereas I didn't mean to.

Maybe I should just go ahead and ask her opinions about serious stuff?

Yes, do this. It might be helpful to lay a foundation that sets up the topic and offers some prevalent opinions rather than just throwing a question on the table that could stump her (ala Sarah Palin).

The goal is to 'welcome' her into a discussion on the subject rather than assuming she's as on top of the latest updates as you may be. For instance, I've been asked what I think of a candidate's latest comments, but those have been so prolific I'm unsure which comments the question refers to.

EnjOy.