We don't want to break up!!!!

I am currently seeing a girl who is amazing. When I met her she identified herself as a lesbian but over a little time we hooked up and she told me she was "fluid"(no real preference). We had built a very great relationship up but I always knew she liked girls too. A week ago she messaged me saying that she was going to meet a girl for drinks that she fancied. She then slept with this girl. I told her that this upset me but a few days later she did it again.i have not been able to accept this and it has caused me great pain to the point where I am unable to sleep or eat correctly. My head is a mess.

Before me she had a long term girlfriend but this was her first before this she dated guys. She tells me the reason for her doing this is that because she has only been with one girl she feels like she has missed out and that it is something she needs to do.

I really love her but I am not able to cope with this situation where she regularly sleeps with a different person. Am I being ridiculous as this is a woman who can give her something that I can't? She has told me that her feelings towards me have not changed and that this other girl is just sex. What should I do? do you think that as she says it is the feeling of what she missed that this will subside? Or will she forever want to sleep with girls also? I am worried that this is going to cause us to break up but unsure what to do😭

She is sleeping with someone else. That person gender is irrelevant.

Grab a handful of self respect and walk away.

She is going to do what she is going to do. You can't make her change who she is. I suggest you move on, she is not the girl for you.

She is sleeping with someone else. That person gender is irrelevant.

 

Grab a handful of self respect and walk away.

What MHOWE said.

Also:

She tells me the reason for her doing this is that because she has only been with one girl she feels like she has missed out and that it is something she needs to do.

This is her telling you that she really doesn't care about how you feel about her sexual escapades. She's rationalized how she "deserves" this opportunity and I think you'd do well to question what feelings she has that "haven't changed" if she doesn't care that she's hurting you.

but I am not able to cope with this situation where she regularly sleeps with a different person

Then you need to break up with her. There's no shame in wanting a monogamous relationship. No matter how much you like this girl, she is not going to give you that.

You'll probably rationalise this to yourself though, that you're being a good boyfriend, that she needs to sleep with other people because she likes both, that it's 2015 and possessiveness is so old fashioned. And then at some point you will have a massive blow up and the break up will be ugly and how you feel about yourself and relationships will be ugly, and it will take you a long time to get over the damage.

I am bi. I've had open relationships. They don't work when they're at the expense of one person. The missing out argument is bull. If you don't want to settle down, you don't settle down. You know what the right thing for you to do is.

Unless... You know... You start seeing blondes, brunettes, heavier, skinnier, different ethnicities... You know... Women who can give you something she can't, but just for sex, obviously...

In all seriousness though, at the very least she should've had the respect to discuss this and propose an open or polyamorous relationship, or at the very least involving you in it as a couple together... That just boils down to knowing yourself and your own needs and expectations... I can't say anything bad about her wanting to fool around and have new experiences, etc... But she definitely didn't handle this maturely or responsibly...

She cheated on you ,simple as that. And you swallowed it , this is worse.

If she had sex with someone while she's been seeing you, that puts off bad signals in my mind. Sure it's not technically cheating, presumably you two aren't in a committed relationship but if she's really interested in being in a long term relationship , that's not a good way to start. I'd say move on

Actually, "we" isn't very accurate.

You don't want to break up, and she doesn't want to be faithful.

She's putting you at risk of STD.

There's no shame in wanting a monogamous relationship. No matter how much you like this girl, she is not going to give you that.

Exactly. It has nothing to do with her being 'fluid' or however she identifies sexual orientation wise. She wants to screw around with many different people. She has that choice. And she has been pretty clear she is comfortable with it.

If YOU want something different, you have to be willing to walk away from what you don't want.

A week ago she messaged me saying that she was going to meet a girl for drinks that she fancied. She then slept with this girl.

Dude, this has nothing to do with sexuality, she's cheating on you.

I am worried that this is going to cause us to break up but unsure what to do

It should cause you to break up because you should be the one doing the breaking-up.

(Other posters: I already have doubts about the truthfulness of this post.)

Would it make any difference to you if she were sleeping with men?

You get to decide if this kind of disloyalty is what you want to accept in a relationship. The higher your self respect, the less likely you'll be to put up with someone who hurts you.

Honestly, you are broken up. The whole point of being "together" is you don't see other people. She's done it twice now. She is telling you the truth: she feels like she is missing out. And sorry, but, that can't last. You will hate yourself for accepting this.