RKO Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Been a while since I posted here, had a break from dating really, off all OLD and just thought I'd let fate do its thing. about a month ago I got talking to a girl in a party, had a connection of sorts, swapped numbers and have been on 2 dates in past month. Her working hours have made it hard to have more dates but I'm fine, no rush feeling etc. both great dates, haven't kissed yet but attraction is there. Speak over text everyday. so all is good. Until yesterday. i left a comment on Facebook, one of my girlfriends had a new puppy, I liked it and said how cool it was. Within 5 minutes I got a text off her asking what I think of her cousin, she linked me hr on Facebook, and wow... Beautiful. I asked why and she said she had seen me on Facebook and thought I looked nice and had been asking my friend about me. She asked if I could give her my number which I said yes to, I mean, it's only been 2 dates with the other girl. so most of today we've been chatting over text and have hit it off as far as texting goes, seems we have lots in common and again... She's beautiful. Took my breath away ive suggested meeting this new girl for a date and she's keen. I feel bad because now I've gone off the other girl which is wrong and I should t have but I can't help myself. am I entitled to meet this new girl? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Of course -you'd be silly not to. Link to comment
Heavy Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Your not in a relationship with the first one, so why not. Go out and enjoy yourself Link to comment
RKO Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 I think it's just a worry, I mean I was really enjoying speaking to her, one of the few girls that I wanted a second date with and now it's all changed in a moment. What if I go on a date with her and hit off, do I tell the other girl thanks but no thanks after one date? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Just see how things go. Both girls may lose interest. Link to comment
Clinton Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 A bird in the hands worth two in rhe bush. But if you're no longer interested in number one, try for number two. Of course all you may be.left with is your bird in your hand but cest la vie Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I don't see why not .Exclusivity only comes after you have determined that not only do you have strong romantic feelings for someone ,but that they are a good fit for your life . Keep your options open Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 This is what dating is all about. Finding the right girl FOR YOU. You have an open playing field until you make the commitment to be married, and even then, engagements are broken. It would be different if you were engaged to girl #1, but that is not simply the case. Just one caveat: this goes both ways. Both these women are open to dating other men, and for all you know, girl #1 may already be doing so. It is all about perception here. It is a good quality to be loyal....but in this case you are overly invested in someone you have only gone on two dates with. Think about it. chi Link to comment
RKO Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 All very true and thank you. Its not so much being too invested I dont think, fact of the matter is I enjoyed my 2 dates with girl number one and like hearing from her, I find her cute and very attractive. Its just worrying that someone else has come along and taken my eye. I mean when does that stop? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 All very true and thank you. Its not so much being too invested I dont think, fact of the matter is I enjoyed my 2 dates with girl number one and like hearing from her, I find her cute and very attractive. Its just worrying that someone else has come along and taken my eye. I mean when does that stop? It stops when you meet someone and typically get to know them over more like 8-10 dates -over 1-2 months (rough estimate) -not in 2 weeks - AND then what "stops" is the desire to see who else is out there - not forever perhaps but long enough so you choose to exclusively date that person. After 2 dates with someone you just met most people will still feel open to meeting other people. Totally normal -you like the woman you met twice - many people like people they met once or twice -that's not telling you much about how you will feel after seeing her 5 times as much. Link to comment
WithLove Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 It stops when you meet someone and date them enough to where you both agree to be exclusive with each other. You can also stop seeing other people if you feel that you want to concentrate on one person at a time. There's not really a 'right' answer to this. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 It stops when you meet someone and date them enough to where you both agree to be exclusive with each other. You can also stop seeing other people if you feel that you want to concentrate on one person at a time. There's not really a 'right' answer to this. That's true too and I sense the OP tends more towards keeping options open for awhile which is fine too. Link to comment
WithLove Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I sense the OP wants to concentrate on one person, but it hasn't gone well in the past and perhaps is trying out how to multi-date. Link to comment
RKO Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 I sense the OP wants to concentrate on one person, but it hasn't gone well in the past and perhaps is trying out how to multi-date. This true. In the past ive tended to put my eggs all in one basket and most of the time ended up picking the wrong person for me. I dont think ive EVER multi dated people after 1 date so its all new and doesnt sit well with me tbh. Link to comment
WithLove Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 ^ Yes, that's what I suspected. You go into dates thinking 'this could be the One'. And it's never the One. But you're a very hopeful (hopeless?) romantic, and I think it's cute. Realistically, you're probably wasting a lot of time by concentrating on one girl at a time. But personally speaking, I've never multi-dated, either. I prefer to talk to one person at a time before moving on; I feel like it's more respectful of that person if I devote all my concentration on them. I know hardly anyone thinks like that anymore, but I still do. Link to comment
RKO Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 ^ Yes, that's what I suspected. You go into dates thinking 'this could be the One'. And it's never the One. But you're a very hopeful (hopeless?) romantic, and I think it's cute. Realistically, you're probably wasting a lot of time by concentrating on one girl at a time. But personally speaking, I've never multi-dated, either. I prefer to talk to one person at a time before moving on; I feel like it's more respectful of that person if I devote all my concentration on them. I know hardly anyone thinks like that anymore, but I still do. Indeed, just like you I dont like speaking to more than one person at a time because of the respect thing. I always put myself in their shoes and I wouldnt like it if it was happening to me. Whilst girl number one is lovely, this new girl, albeit only 3 days of chatting and never meeting so could be different, is giving me that excitement when i see my phone light up with her name on it. Not had that with number 1. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Indeed, just like you I dont like speaking to more than one person at a time because of the respect thing. I always put myself in their shoes and I wouldnt like it if it was happening to me. Whilst girl number one is lovely, this new girl, albeit only 3 days of chatting and never meeting so could be different, is giving me that excitement when i see my phone light up with her name on it. Not had that with number 1. I always assumed men I was dating were dating others/keeping options open unless we were exclusive. That didn't feel disrespectful in the least. I didn't want to limit my options too early on because I wanted to get married and start a family, so passing up on opportunities to meet new people just because I'd been on a few dates with someone else didn't seem wise. Ended up being the best choice for me. Link to comment
RKO Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Thanks everyone for your advice. Ive setup a date for monday with girl number 2. I wasnt sure if she was that keen but when I suggested meeting she offered a date when she was free which unfortunately I couldnt make, I suggested another day but although she is working until 8pm she said she would like to see me after work. Was a good feeling. Im continuing contact with girl number 1 but day by day its getting harder keeping interest in her which I feel bad about and very shallow of me since girl number 2 came along. I guess I will know a lot more after mondays date which Im very excited about going on. Unusual for me. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Girl number 2 has not come along. You are not dating her -she's a stranger for all practical purposes- and you're not really dating girl number 1 either - you've only met her a handful of times, right?. Sounds like you're more interested in whatever is new/shiny/potentially unavailable than in trying to get to know someone. Multidating -I'm a big fan for people looking for the long term but with your approach - getting excited because of the newness/thrill of the chase/making huge assumptions about a stranger to the extent that it distracts you from getting to know a real person - that's not going to help you find something potentially long term. Link to comment
RKO Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Girl number 2 has not come along. You are not dating her -she's a stranger for all practical purposes- and you're not really dating girl number 1 either - you've only met her a handful of times, right?. Sounds like you're more interested in whatever is new/shiny/potentially unavailable than in trying to get to know someone. Multidating -I'm a big fan for people looking for the long term but with your approach - getting excited because of the newness/thrill of the chase/making huge assumptions about a stranger to the extent that it distracts you from getting to know a real person - that's not going to help you find something potentially long term. Totally get your point youre trying to make here and there could be an element of truth behind it actually. This time im determined to pick the girl thats right for me on all levels and hope that they feel the same. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Totally get your point youre trying to make here and there could be an element of truth behind it actually. This time im determined to pick the girl thats right for me on all levels and hope that they feel the same. Well, sure, almost everyone looking for a good match would like to be done with searching and would like the whole package. Make sure you know what your $100 words (cliches? psychobabble?) "right for me" and "all levels" means specifically (no need to share here -but have a very concrete/clear idea of what that means to you) Link to comment
RKO Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Well, sure, almost everyone looking for a good match would like to be done with searching and would like the whole package. Make sure you know what your $100 words (cliches? psychobabble?) "right for me" and "all levels" means specifically (no need to share here -but have a very concrete/clear idea of what that means to you) After a pretty disasterous past 12 months of dating its clearer than ever to me now what I need Link to comment
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