My Bf and I need help, I messed up and we could break up and I don't want that

My bf and I hooked up in september, we both like each other. well i do. i don't know how he was. But he's a year younger than me and we had our if's about this. I had been in three relationships before him, he was always paranoid that I'd leave him for someone else and I always said "no, I wouldn't". But I really didn't sound convincing, and this is the problem; i flirt constantly to everyone. It's like my way of saying "hey you're cool" and alot of my friends know this but none of my bf's friends did and nor did he. I did explain and say sorry but it's like this on going habit of mine. His friends are concerned and I don't blame them. I said to one of his friends that he was really hot and he thought i was trying cheat of my bf. I give him applaud for being a good friend and looking out for my bf but when i explained and said I was sorry, didn't mean it that way, it completely went down hill from there. Then here's another point; his mom hates me. Ever since she found out that I was going off to India for charity work, she'd been hating me. To make things worse, my bf told her i got expelled. As much as I do want to say it's my fault, i feel like it's partly my bf to blame but i know i remain at fault. His mom took a bit too far by taking me out of my family's event to go to her's and i kinda lost it and broke it off cause i felt "i didn't deserve it". We were iffy for the next few days and I just ed it and said "nah i'm coming back, it's not fair on him to deal with this". So all my friends were chill with us except my bf's friends. yay! i'm really doing great. And my dad was iffy as well about it. So we were chill until it got to the point i went to india. So many people were telling me how long distance never worked, and it kinda just made me spiral all over the place. I was freaking out and I did things that just sucked ass. I love the guy trust me I do, but sometimes i felt like he was so easy to just move on to another guy because my bf seemed like a push over. I know have a lot of expectations to this relationship, i like the feeling of chasing someone than someone chasing me. He was chasing me and it felt like i could dump the guy any day. I did things to piss him off, i just wanted him to be the guy i wanted. He's caring and sweet but I wanted something a little more angrier than that.

 

If you don't know there was this group called "the day i get my runescape account back" and i kinda became infamous. I made these posts as a joke called "2k likes on my pic and nudes are sent". course it was a joke, who in their right mind posts nudes on fb? yeah i know i sound like a hypocrite cause i posted nudes on tumblr but there's something different about it. My bf knew it was a joke, except he only got pissed af when people kept messaging about me. Which I apologized and said sorry, i'll take down the post.

But i got so overwhelmed about how people were making jokes about me, i was a troll for goodness sakes. So I took the joke too far and i made my own event page called "i release nudes". ha ha i'm dead. I added everyone on my fb, not my parents. but it completely back fired and people were saying how i wasn't a real rape victim and how i should die. then i took down the page, someone contacted my dad and said i was being serious. which he got pissed with. Then someone from my old school told my school about it and they emailed my dad and this is when he lost his . He took my fb account and read everything. He found out i got raped (he didn't know) and he read my messages between me and my bf and he said our relationship was toxic, and course i wouldn't defend myself, i knew it was toxic but i didn't want to just leave the guy. So my bf was worried. we talked and my dad said he blocked my bf on fb account, he's never to see me or talk to me ever again and he told it to my bf's parents. My bf and i we talked and we kinda just felt maybe it was it. and My dad is getting everyone who knows about my rape to go to the police station and talk about it. Now everyone i told is ting their pants about it and i just feel like i really ed up. how the do i get out this, i need advice.

But I really didn't sound convincing, and this is the problem; i flirt constantly to everyone. It's like my way of saying "hey you're cool" and alot of my friends know this but none of my bf's friends did and nor did he. I did explain and say sorry but it's like this on going habit of mine. His friends are concerned and I don't blame them. I said to one of his friends that he was really hot and he thought i was trying cheat of my bf. I give him applaud for being a good friend and looking out for my bf but when i explained and said I was sorry, didn't mean it that way, it completely went down hill from there.

 

Okay - if it were just this one guy not trusting you or being concerned about your flirting - i would say maybe you are just a really friendly person and they are confusing being outgoing with flirting - but if its this guy past boyfriends, your current guys friends - then maybe its something you need to look at. Seriously. It is okay to say to someone "that's a great hat. is it new?" or "I saw you in the talent show yesterday. You did a great job." THAT is saying "hey you're cool/" That's being friendly. But if you are telling guys they are "hot" or "sexy", it WILL go downhill from there. ESPECIALLY TO **HIS** Friend! That is propositioning them, showing interest in them. To me, since you "don't sound convincing" and admit it, it sounds like you really don't care - that you will continue to flirt inappropriately because "that's just who i am!" But when it comes to being in a relationship, you can't be expressing interest to every guy in one form or another. If my boyfriend told a woman "you are hot" or "that dress makes you look super sexy" - I would not be game for that. If that's "who he is" - he would quickly be "who he is" by himself. Just my two cents.

Then someone from my old school told my school about it and they emailed my dad and this is when he lost his . He took my fb account and read everything.

 

I think you are a major attention seeker and that you should seek counseling. You are doing everything for effect and it seems to be backfiring on you. ANd the fact that you don't want this nice/sweet guy and want someone "angrier" - seriously? It seems that the reaction you want is for him to chase you - he is not a pushover for not being excited about you flirting with is friends - he is respecting himself by having an issue with it. And you could really endanger yourself by posting you give out free nudes - even if you are kidding - if anyone can tell who you actualyl are from the account.

you just let dad handle this, listen to him, and if he's not getting you extra counseling then you ask for a counselor.

 

these things aren't funny sweetie. flirting, chasing, treating a boy who likes you like he's replacable, nudes on the internet, posts that can be interpreted as disrespectful or problematic in light of sexual assault issues, minors exposed to predators on the web, seeking an "angry", edgy partner, getting expelled, travelling in this state of mind and getting in problems with family and acquantances are not iffy issues, they are serious and i hope your dad is taking them as seriously as his tone regarding the fb page makes it sound.

 

i don't know how supported you've been through the aftermath of the sexual assault or before that but your behavior- and i hope you don't take this as criticism because i can't blame you for acting out on a grave experience at your age- could be part of the trauma response.

 

would you consider googling and contacting counselors, programmes and social workers in your area who deal with abused youth? they have great resources and could support you through things that would take more skill than the best of parents have.

@abitbroken

Yeah I guess, but it was only that friend and we met. it was at a party and we met and I literally blurted out saying he was hot. he and his friend laughed for a bit but when he messaged me on fb he was all over the place saying how disrespectful i was.

 

And i agree, i don't at all sound great. but it takes time for people to break habits and trust me i'm trying it's just like the moment i accidentally blurt, it goes down hill all over and then i kind of just give and then once i get so low i get back up and try and break the habit. it's hard, i know it doesn't sound like it should, but i'm so used to doing this.

 

Thank you for your help and advice though.

@RainyCoast

 

I sound immature and i admit. Nobody knew about the sexual assault thing until late this year. My dad and mom never knew about it. My dad is taking this as serious as i have never seen him before and it's scary as hell. As for my bf, he thinks i'm treating him like he's my world and I was as honest as i can possibly be at the start telling him, that this might not last but then it kinda just got carried away and we planned so much. I don't know how my bf is taking this but he's gone quiet and I don't blame him, i'd do the same as well. I'll seek counselling but it's not my go to, i always feeling like i am actually sick in the head when i do go and that's why i'm doing this than actually seeing someone.

 

Tbh i'm only just realising I'm changing my bf in the way i had on my last bf. At first he reminded me of him and then i think i got carried away as well making him be him.

 

Thank you for the advice and I'll seek counselling.

I'm taking all this advice and I have to admit, I was . Is it wrong if i think it can still work? or should it just be gone?

I'm trying to help here but I'm sorry to say you're out of line. I used to flirt a lot but when I met my wife, she had zero tolerance of it. I just felt that being with an amazing girl was far more important to me than flirting.

 

On trolling about nudes, etc., most trolls think they're funny and some trolling is but I've been the victim of aggressive trolling and it is simply not funny at all. I even had to make certain things on the net private which hampered by attempts to promote my writing, so a troll has actually cost me money.

 

I would politely suggest that you moderate your behaviour. Not only is it likely to result in you losing your boyfriend but may affect any possible future relationships as well.

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I've learned some of life's lessons the hard way myself.

@Man with Dog

 

alright. well i guess your advice seems most valuable to me and thank you for taking the time to read and write to me.

@Man with Dog

 

alright. well i guess your advice seems most valuable to me and thank you for taking the time to read and write to me.

 

That's OK. I'm glad to help.

Then someone from my old school told my school about it and they emailed my dad and this is when he lost his . He took my fb account and read everything.

 

I think you are a major attention seeker and that you should seek counseling. You are doing everything for effect and it seems to be backfiring on you. ANd the fact that you don't want this nice/sweet guy and want someone "angrier" - seriously? It seems that the reaction you want is for him to chase you - he is not a pushover for not being excited about you flirting with is friends - he is respecting himself by having an issue with it. And you could really endanger yourself by posting you give out free nudes - even if you are kidding - if anyone can tell who you actualyl are from the account.

 

+11111111111111111111111111

 

madisonarnold, please STOP doing this. Treat people on the internet how you would in person; with respect and dignity. And don't trust ANYONE on the internet. The internet is full of sick weirdos and predators. They were probably drooling over your FB posts and it is not a laughing matter. Especially when one of them phishes your personal contact info whether from your or a friend/family member. It is so easy to steal information on people. All you need is someones name and city. You can do a background check and pull up all their places where they lived, phone numbers, photos, family members, the works.

 

Number two - never, I repeat, NEVER, EVER joke about rape on the internet I will say I did something once similar to you many many years ago when I was a stupid teenager. Not teasing people but making a joke about someone getting raped and it was taken extremely seriously. If it wasn't for a VERY understanding parent who knows it wasn't serious and stupid **** being typed by a dumb teenage boy I probably would have been expelled from school and got in legal trouble. You should never joke about that whatsoever. Making threats, playing victim, that stuff can get you in serious LEGAL trouble.

 

Number three - whether on the internet or in reality, you shouldn't tease men, because some take it very personal and get depressed, upset, or angry. You don't realize the impact you may have on someones life, someone that may have had a crush on you for a long time and/or etc.

 

For now, keep your head low. Let your dad clean up the mess if he volunteered to do so. Be honest and open about everything that was said and done. And like abitbroken said above, maybe get some professional help if you feel you have some kind of problems going on in your head.

I'll seek counselling but it's not my go to, i always feeling like i am actually sick in the head when i do go and that's why i'm doing this than actually seeing someone.

you are NOT sick in the head, you are distressed due to distressing experience. noone reacts to trauma in responsible, mature ways without having the trauma properly adressed and treated. you know the saying- it's the usual response to abnormal circumstance. it actually isn't that uncommon for sexual assault victims to react in ways that others would perceive to be recless or even promiscuous behavior. it's not you, or your head, or your character- i can't imagine anyone acting rationally with untreated abuse aftermath. you don't sound that immature - you are able to not take offence and consider how others may have perceived the situation which is fair enough, isn't it? it is to be expected that one would show some erraticism or unusual behavior if they don't get something as basic as post-traumatic help. my situation was different and i think myself a fairly reasonable person but my response to trauma was anything but rational. i mostly crouched in the corner squealing hysterically, i couldn't form a proper sentence, i went into full blown panic from just hearing the phone ring or a car pull on the driveway, i completely disconnected myself from everyone and noone could get an explanation out of me. i didn't want to do that- i couldn't help doing that. we're not born with a psychological app that handles ourageous experience, we all need to "install" those later in life in order to get through and it often takes help.

 

it isn't at all wrong if you tell a counselor, or your dad or a social worker that you feel like you're taken for a loonie while in treatment and that it's not helping how you feel. they do take that into account, since the point of working with you isn't to make you feel small, it is to empower you so you can regain some sense of stability, safety, self-esteem and so that you can function well again. you have every right to say you expect respectful and understanding people to handle your case. their job is to support you and advocate for you, not to judge or belittle.

 

i think since noone knew what had happened to you they probably couldn't wrap their heads around why you'd joke about a serious issue, why you'd expose yourself to a worldwide audience of dangerous sickos, why you'd seek to feel the chase or why you'd get expelled etc. i think if you get a knowledgeable and supportive person to work with you you'll get more clarity and understading of your own distress and maybe you'll be more comfortable explaining to some people (like your boyfriend) what you've been through and that you simply didn't have a good coping strategy for it. they may understand, or they may not- and whether you disclose what happened and how exactly it affected you is entirely up to you and whether you feel comfortable and safe explaining it.

 

at least now after the facebook thing it's been brought to mum and dad's attention that you are not feeling the least bit okay. i believe they must be strict now but at least now you have an adult advocating for you and dealing with the mess and you get to ask support. regardless of how inappropriate your actions were, you had a very real, very distressing problem and it has to be clear to any sane adult that whatever pain you're fighting needs to be healed if you are to act like a happy, healthy girl would. you've been through what noone should ever experience so i honestly doubt anyone would judge you for not taking it well.

 

i hope you find an understanding, empathic support person- i had an amazing one and it did more for me than anything else. keep posting here all you need to if it helps and good luck.

No, I don't think you have a chance with your boyfriend because right now you should not date anyone. You are not healthy enough emotionally right now to date anyone new or anyone you are currently dating. You are only going to hurt other people right now. You need to seek counseling and it is in your best interest to disable your social media accounts, snap chat, etc. because you are too tempted to use them.