Ex Said I harassed him and the break up is my fault

I dated a guy back in Chicago for about a month. Everyday, we would go out and I would stay at his place and every weekend we would spend it together. During that time he was telling me he was falling for me and wanted me to be his girlfriend as soon as i move to Chicago.

After a month, I went back to cali to start packing my stuff. The moment I got to cali, he started not initiating messages or calls. I started questioning this and he would just tell me im crazy and that i turned im off.

I told him i was just missing him. And then i decided to come visit him, he didn't want me to go at first as he claims he was busy. But he said, come anyway. The date was close for me to come and so I asked him what the plan was. He told me about what? So I told him about my visit. And then we started arguing again.

I am a huge texter so i would text him nonstop and he was telling me I was being crazy.

I went anyway and we spent the weekend together. That weekend i saw his messages on his phone and obviously, there was this girl who was texting him who was supposed to watch his band and he canceled saying he wasnt playing but he did. But; i was there. I asked him about it and he said that she did want to go but he didnt want me to throw a fit. My point is, if she is a friend, why not have her come?

Anyway we talked and discussed what was going on and then he started saying, this is why im not in a relationship. So then i went home back to cali.

The past few days ive been asking him what is happening since I am going to move to chicago in a week. He never gave me straight answers so i kept asking. He would just say im crazy or he will see me when i get there but his friends wont.

And then one day, i texted him please give me a straight answer. He didnt reply but he was online on okcupid. Which pissed me off. He said something that he was taking care of his dogs and to not bother him. ?

Until finally he said he doesnt want to be with me. I had a lot of questions so i kept texting him. To the point that he said stop texting me or i will block you. Which he did on facebook and his phone. Then he messaged me on okc saying this is all your fault. U screwed this up.

I am so lost. I want him so bad. Please help.

I don't understand. You dated for a month and we're going to move there? In with him? Do you have a job or go t school?

After a span of one month, you barely knew each other, never mind jumping forward to moving in together in that short amount of time. I'm sorry this happened, but anything that starts out this quickly, usually fizzles out the same way it began.

Hopefully in time you'll understand where you dodged a bullet.

Until finally he said he doesnt want to be with me. I had a lot of questions so i kept texting him. To the point that he said stop texting me or i will block you. Which he did on facebook and his phone. Then he messaged me on okc saying this is all your fault. U screwed this up

I think you might have. Screwed up, that is.

Mad texting? Moving to where he lives after a month - you did say a MONTH didn't you?

Any same man would run like the wind. As fast as he can. Away from you.

I mean this kindly, OK? You sound like a bunny boiler.

If you're not a troll, then I suggest you get some counseling. The way you've behaved is not normal behavior.

Why do you think it's normal to move for a guy you've been seeing for a month?

Your problem is you don't get the message.

I dated a guy back in Chicago for about a month. Everyday, we would go out and I would stay at his place and every weekend we would spend it together. During that time he was telling me he was falling for me and wanted me to be his girlfriend as soon as i move to Chicago.

Okay, I get it. He told you he was interested and he wanted you to move to Chicago.

The moment I got to cali, he started not initiating messages or calls.

So now he's not interested. But instead of saying that directly, he expected you to get the message that his interest level had dropped.

I started questioning this and he would just tell me im crazy and that i turned im off.

 

I told him i was just missing him.

So he told you that you were turning him off. But instead of getting the message, you told him the real problem was that you just missed him so much...

NO, THE PROBLEM WAS HE WAS NOT THAT INTERESTED.

And then i decided to come visit him, he didn't want me to go at first as he claims he was busy. But he said, come anyway.

Speaks for itself. He didn't want you to go, but he gave in.

The date was close for me to come and so I asked him what the plan was. He told me about what?

Now he pretends to not know what you're talking about. But again, you didn't get the message. HE WAS NOT INTERESTED.

So I told him about my visit. And then we started arguing again.

I went anyway

Of course you did.

and we spent the weekend together. That weekend i saw his messages on his phone and obviously, there was this girl who was texting him

My point is, if she is a friend, why not have her come?

What point? Who are you making a point to?

Anyway we talked and discussed what was going on and then he started saying, this is why im not in a relationship.

So here, he's even telling you that he doesn't consider that you two are in a relationship. BUT YOU STILL DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE.

He never gave me straight answers so i kept asking.

This here is the crux of your problems. You keep waiting for him to tell you directly "I don't like you because...", "I'm not interested", "we are not an item", "It's over".

Why?i He's already told you by his actions. HE'S NOT INTERESTED!!!

He would just say im crazy or he will see me when i get there but his friends wont.

BECAUSE you wouldn't get the message!

And then one day, i texted him please give me a straight answer.

He's not going to. His entire communication style is to avoid confrontation and hope you take the hint.

He didnt reply but he was online on okcupid. Which pissed me off.

Okay I get why you were pissed off, but you miss the bit where he didn't want to talk to you.

He said something that he was taking care of his dogs and to not bother him. ?

 

Until finally he said he doesnt want to be with me.

Then, he told you clearly that he didn't want to be with you.

I had a lot of questions so i kept texting him.

Because you still hadn't gotten the message?

To the point that he said stop texting me or i will block you. Which he did on facebook and his phone.

Have you worked out that he doesn't want to be with you yet?

I am so lost. I want him so bad. Please help.

Yeah, I get this. But a human being isn't a thing that you can have - it's a person who gets to decide if they want to be with you. And unfortunately, this person decided early on that he didn't want to be with you. But you never got the message. So you made it worse at each point by rejecting the rejection.

This need to have him isn't really about him, it's about you taking a person's rejection personally and not being able to let go.

You need to get counselling.

After just a month you were being over-possessive. I don't know at this point whether you were moving to Chicago anyway or moving to Chicago to be with him but either way a month is too short a time to have so much expectation. Your crazy calling, texting and questioning would have scared him half to death. Not that he is completely blameless. Nevertheless, the moment you have to ask someone where you stand, you kind of already have your answer .... but when such a question goes unanswered, you most definitely have your answer. You should have left it there.

Sounds to me like had a 1 month fling with you/used you.

It's on YOU for allowing that to happen. You get to know the person well before you go to their house/sleep over and spend weekends WITH them.

When a guy invites you over to his house and you accept, the stage is set to bang you away......sorry