Operation Finding Girlfriend

Hey all-

I actually have been on this site for a long time. Well, I was on it very extensively in 2013. I created a new account now because I don't want to revisit any of that prior stuff in the past. To keep that short and sweet, my 2 year relationship (which is mainly what I posted about back in the summer/fall/winter of 2013, has recently ended. It was an incredibly rocky roller coaster, especially for the past year. I don't even want to see what I used to post about because I was very, very infatuated with that girl in the beginning. I guess every relationship has a honey-moon phase, but our relationship became physical and had a lot of emotional abuse, if you will. However, I digress slightly...

I'm starting this thread, with a funny/catchy title, to begin my quest of finding a girlfriend, or just a good, quality connection with someone of the opposite sex, let's just say that. I don't want to make it seem like I am on some kind of insanely obsessive quest to find a girlfriend immediately. I do however, want a place to journal my thoughts, feelings, post how each girl or date situation is going, and to get some feedback from you guys!

Let it begin!!!!

Good luck! It's brutal out there!

Avoid being afraid to fail :surprise:

Have fun, celebrate you are no longer in an emotionally abusive relationship. Yes, you do deserve better and you can find better. Good luck.

Thanks all! It'll get more interesting and in depth at later dates.

So I'll start it off with two different girls I am "dating" presently, trying to wrap my head around them, respectively.

A little background presently:

Girl A: About 2 years younger than me, 28, has a decent job and is going back to college for more education. Lives at home with the parents, either due to her last relationship ending and her moving out (she told me), and/or it's more acceptable in certain cultures. Her family is Cambodian. She's pretty, a personality that flows well with me, and it's fun/easy to talk to her. She's a really cool girl, likes video games and martial arts and martial arts movies, like me. Similar type of humor. She's also compatible with my astrology sign! Haha just kidding!

Girl B: My age, 30, mother of a 2 year old. Baby daddy left her when she told him she was pregnant almost immediately, and he's completely out of the picture. Apparently, he went back to his ex. So she's been a single mom for the past 2+ years by herself, basically. She's more attractive to me, physically, but she seems possibly slightly damaged emotionally after all she's been through, I'm not entirely sure. She has her own place with her baby daughter. She works full time and is going back to college to be a Nurse. She also has a part time job on the weekends at a fancy restaurant. Needless to say, she's incredibly busy. She hasn't seen or heard from the father for almost 2 years, until she finally found him to collect child support. In fact, she's going to court tomorrow to work out all of that legal paperwork, etc. She told me she's definitely not looking forward to it, or seeing the father. That's neither here nor there though, for this post haha.

I've been on basically 2 dates with Girl A, and 3 with Girl B. I met them both online - please don't judge. It's sometimes hard to meet people in your age range if it's not at work or online, especially if you're not a frequent bar or club hopper. I wouldn't want to meet a girl in those circumstances anyways.

I actually met Girl B first, in "real life". No catfish action for either of these girls, thank God. First date with B, we met at a restaurant late on a Sunday night (not yesterday, but the Sunday last week), one of the only times where her daughter is at the grandma's house to be taken care of. Prior to that, we had spent many nights in a row on the phone for an incredible amount of time. There was one night we talked for 3.5 hours! I NEVER do that with anyone! We had a good time on the first date, I walked her to her car and said I'd like to see her again and that maybe we could go to a local comedy club next weekend (this past weekend) and she said that would be fun. We continued to talk throughout the week briefly. She's sort of up and down when it comes to communication i.e. texts, phone calls, etc. There was a night or two I missed her because I called and she didn't answer or call me back (like last night). A few of the days, I tried keeping it brief on text but didn't want her to think I wasn't thinking about her necessarily. One or two of the days, she kept almost constant communication with me via text all day until we talked on the phone that night. Lately, however, she hasn't been incredibly receptive to texts during the day, very sporadic. Anyways, onto the 2nd and 3rd date! 2nd date was this past Friday, we met at another restaurant since she wasn't comfortable with me knowing where she lived i.e. picking her up for the date. We had a great time again at dinner, and took it a little further. We went to a fun bowling/pool/laser tag/arcade game place and played around. We had taken my car from the restaurant to the bowling place so that we weren't driving 2 cars. When I dropped her back off at her car, I gave her some flowers I picked up earlier that night and we kissed a little in my car. She seemed to like them. The 3rd date was the following morning, we met at a coffee shop to just hang out and talk more, and I helped her look up some cars she is interested in getting for her next car. Small kiss when we parted ways at our cars in the parking lot. Didn't get to talk to her that night because I had a date with Girl A!

Girl A I met in person at yet another restaurant earlier that week, I want to say Weds or so. We REALLY hit it off, personality wise. It was like instant flirting almost. Really cute and seemingly nice girl. I had tried several times since first exchanging phone numbers to talk to her on the phone, but she told me at one point earlier in "knowing" her that she "wasn't much of a phone person". I was able to talk to her once on the phone, that was how we had set up the initial date tentatively. When the date was over and I walked her back to her car in the parking lot and we hugged goodbye, she said "mmm you smell good" and was giving me a look, so we kissed. I have NEVER done that on a first date, I was kind of shocked myself. It didn't feel wrong or anything, and she wasn't backing down from it. We agreed to meet again soon, as soon as the upcoming weekend (this past weekend). We took a rain check on Friday night because we had a bit of a blizzard snow storm, and also because I had that other date with Girl B planned for Friday. On Friday night, when the date with Girl B was over, I tried to call her to talk as it wasn't that late or anything. She had also told me earlier in the evening that she was practicing some of her martial arts and would call me when she was done and before she went to bed. Needless to say, she didn't call, so I called her like I said, when date with Girl B was over. I'd say it was 11pm or so? I didn't get a response from Girl A until 2:30am with a text from her that said, "Hey sorry I didn't pick up. I'm talking to my friend. I'm having some family stuff going on". I said that I was sorry to hear and that she's welcome to call and talk to me. She wrote back saying "I'm freaking out right now". I told her to take some deep breaths, and I tried to call again. No answer. I fell asleep. Another text at 3:59am saying, "I just got done talking to my cousin. I think I freaked her out a bit" and "I'm going to get some sleep". Because of all of this, I wasn't sure if we'd actually be able to go on the planned Sat night date. Throughout the day, when trying to make plans for that evening, I wasn't even sure she wanted to see me. She had gone out for food/drinks with her sister, going over all of their "family issues". It wasn't until about 8pm that she said she was free to hang out. I drove to her house, picked her up, and we went to eat, she had a glass of wine. I suggested a movie or the comedy show, she said it was sort of late for that. I suggested a movie at my place, which she readily agreed to. We drove back to my place, had to set up my TV and PlayStation to be able to play any movies. It didn't really matter though; as I kept getting the sense we were going to have sex. Sure enough, we did. Then fell asleep in my bed, and I took her back home Sunday morning. I also gave her flowers when I dropped her off. When I said we’d plan another date soon, she jokingly said, "I don't know, maybe I’ll just hit it and quit it". I figured it to be a joke as we both chuckled…

So since this weekend, I've continued to try talking to each of the girls either briefly throughout the day via text or attempt to get them on the phone at night. I thought girls liked it when a guy "PICKED UP THE PHONE AND CALLED!" instead of only always texting?! Yesterday, Girl A and I traded a few texts, joking about the movie that was on when we had sex, talked about this video game that we both like, etc. She mentioned last night that she was "about to shower", and I joked back asking if I could join. She said, "Mmm I love hot showers". She didn't call me back when I called (twice, I think, I know that's bad!!!!). Today I just tried to forget about her and not text her anymore because I'm sick of looking stupid trying to contact her and getting rejected, in a sense. That's why I am wondering if she really was kidding about "hitting and quitting it". About 1hr ago, I tried to call her and she didn't answer (big shocker), and I didn't bother leaving a message. Something interesting to point out is that she was basically acting that same way earlier before she finally met me in person and we kissed on the first date. She told me afterwards that she "regretted not picking up your phone calls now!". I figured certainly after sex she'd want to talk more, but I’m not getting that impression at the present moment.

Last night, Girl B didn't pick up or didn't call me back. During the day today, her text responses to me were pretty short and one-worded type of answers. I know she recently got sick, so I just asked if she was feeling better and her only real response was "Worse". I tried not to bother her as much during the day, hoping we would be able to talk on the phone tonight. So I called her also about an hour ago, tried to catch her earlier in the night in case she went to bed early with her daughter, etc. She answered, but the conversation was very brief. She told me she was working on a lot of papers (stuff for her child support/custody court tomorrow). She told me, "Don't take it personally", and I was sort of confused. I said, "About what? Are you saying you can't talk right now or do you mean something else?". She said, "Yea I'm saying I have to get off the phone, sorry". I said that was OK, but that I'd like to talk to her, possibly later tonight? Before she could answer, I just said, "How about this, if you get done and want to call me back, you can, otherwise I won't bother you", and that was that. I didn't say it as mean as it might have sounded her via words. She said, "OK", and then we got off the phone. I seriously doubt she'll call. And I'm not sure if I should even try to bother texting her tomorrow or trying to call tomorrow night either. Should I let her come to me at this point?

I guess I'm kind of frustrated with both of these girls. Girl A has seemingly used me for sex or something, I don't know. Girl B is either very busy with her life situation right now and/or has lost some kind of interest in me. I tend to assume the worst, that she's not interested in me anymore. I don't know why.

Am I being rejected? Is it just my perception? I do admit and know that I have a bit of a problem when it comes to relationships as far as reading between the lines a lot. If I like a girl, I tend to try and concentrate my efforts on trying to "win her over" and get something more "serious" going. So that could be part of the problem. Most guys would tell me, "Dude, you had sex and she isn't really talking to you anymore? That's awesome!", but I don't think that way, if it's a girl I like/find attractive/etc.

I do wonder though how to play this dating "chase" game. I also almost dislike texts in the dating realm as there seems to be so much reading between the lines with regards to the etiquette of dating texts. Tone isn't conveyed well, that's for sure. Where do you draw the line between letting a woman chase you back and being the man who is supposed to "lead" and put in all the effort in the beginning, setting up dates and "taking the lead", which women apparently find attractive???

I could be thinking too much about it too, but I feel like my present life situation isn't exactly ideal for finding a "mate" or whatever lol. After my bad relationship and breakup, I had to sort of start over from ground zero. I was able to find a place to live, but it's just a room in a house with other people. It's not "my place" really. It feels awkward to try and bring a girl over to my "room". Before my last relationship, I had lived on my own for almost 3 years, in my own apartment. I've also been listening to a lot of dating Podcasts and have ordered a few Dating/Relationship books for men. In a Podcast I heard, they were mentioning to men to do more "manly" things to increase testosterone and basically boost your manliness factor. One of those things included owning/driving a truck, just for example. I wish I could get a truck right now, but my financial life is in ruins currently. I'm lucky to even have a car, honestly. So without my own place (apartment/condo/house), without some more manly things in my life i.e. owning a truck, I feel like I'm swimming upstream. I do have a great job/career that I love and see myself there for many years to come. I would like to say I have a great personality, although I know I have plenty of quirks. I'd like to think I'm physically attractive. That has never really been an issue when trying to meet women. I am NOT trying to sound narcissistic, but I do get compliments from time to time. I'm in decent physical form, but not where I was when I was on this forum back in 2013 and had a six pack. The relationship I was in really took a toll on me. I have been meaning to get back into the gym, but I'm not fat and all my clothes still fit, haha.

So it could just be my horrible luck, or I did something wrong to push away these two girls without fully knowing. If it was something I did wrong or was unattractive to them, I can't do anything about it now. It's also too early in either of the "relationships" (if you want to call them that) to try and right the ship since you only get so many chances to make an impression on someone early on. Here's my question though, why are you on all of these dating sites/apps (Girl A I saw on two different dating sites!) and DON'T RESPOND or give someone the time of day. And it's usually, it seems, that a guy is the flakey one who just wants to "hit it and quit it". It seems that girls are the ones who turn guys off/away in the early stages by acting too needy or do something unattractive and then get hurt or disappointed when the guy doesn't talk to her much anymore.

Anyways, I just wrote a novel and I'm so sorry guys. I just get to writing and I can't stop. In a way, it's therapeutic for me. After the last conversation with Girl B on the phone an hour ago when I told her that if she wanted to call me back, cool, but that I wouldn't bother her if not, I felt very compelled to get on here and jot down all of my thoughts. I was never good at the art of chasing women, or getting them to chase me. Part of me is telling me just to stop contacting either of these women unless they contact me first, just to see if they're interested, if they'll "chase" me or not. I guess if they didn't try to talk to me again anymore, that would be a clear indication. However, I don't want to just pull back so aggressively that they don't think I'm interested in them anymore or something.

If any of you actually read all of this, I will give you a high five and a cookie. Really though, thank you for reading if you have. Right now my thought is to find another girl or two to try and talk to, since I get a feeling neither of these girls like me anymore. Then again, that could be total reaction on my part.

Stay tuned for Girl C and Girl D, coming soon to a theater near you, dates to be announced. I shall continue my quest for a girl who’s dating material and shows some kind of mutual interest.

I don't think multiple accounts are allowed.

Well, good luck on the journey! Remember to have fun.

I don't think multiple accounts are allowed.

 

Well, good luck on the journey! Remember to have fun.

So even in my interest of self preservation (I would rather just not even be associated with that prior account), I'm not allowed? Mods, if this is true, just let me know. I'll repost this under my old account/screen name if it's such a big deal.

So even in my interest of self preservation (I would rather just not even be associated with that prior account), I'm not allowed? Mods, if this is true, just let me know. I'll repost this under my old account/screen name if it's such a big deal.

It's stated in the forum rules:

Hey man, I am in the same boat as you. Except I am 23 and just broke up with a 32 year old after dating her for about 3.5 months. I miss her like hell, but thinking in future tense, I know it will never work out. However, I am looking for a new girl. I just love that feeling of having a GF. And Ironically enough I work for a dating coach!!! lol. Anyone can find a girl, but not anyone can find a QUALITY girl. I am currently in "Online Dating" mode. The bars are OK but I am not sure I will meet a high quality girl there. However, I have a few nibbles on online dating but no bites. The hardest thing is to keep their interest through text. Which is extremely hard if they have never seen you.

I am currently talking to this beautiful girl on the "Happn" app which seems promising so I will hope to get her number soon! I will let you know of my progress, but I think I am in the same boat since we are both searching.

P.S. I only date women older than me

I'll take my cookie with chocolate chips please! If you don't mind the random stranger advice, here goes! If not, no worries, my apologies for "dissecting" your journal and budding in.

On a much more serious note, there's a popular internet meme that ran through my head the entire time of reading your latest journal entry

"A man once asked his father, 'Father, how will I ever find the right woman?' His father replied, 'Forget finding the right woman focus on being the right man.'"

Two things I would like to address before getting too deep anywhere. First, and most important, it is you. You can fake confidence long enough, but insecurities and jealousy will always shine in ways we don't always see, ruining whatever we were trying to fake in the first place. If your overall demeanor gets you laid and ultimately ignored, decide if it's either due to the women you are attracting (fast, multi-partner, ... "open"/promiscuous women), or due to you overdoing something via your insecurities (too many texts/calls, what you're saying shows signs of co-dependence or clingyness). Second, some of the examples you're thinking you understand about the game of dating: driving trucks, being in charge, own your own home, etc; is such badly clouded advice, that it would be worth saying it's wrong. These aren't just materialistic checklists that should be used to turn around and "attract." No no... A woman isn't --and never will-- go up to you and look at your keychain and go "Oh he drives a Ford F250. He's Mine!!!" She isn't walking up to you at a bar or a bookstore and glance at your keys and think "Mmmm, he has a home. I think I will occupy it, and be his girlfriend." Though materialistic "gold diggers" prove me wrong on both points, that's not who we're targeting, nor is it the point I'm ultimately trying to make.

In other words, 90% of the advice you're given isn't to be done and held out to attract a woman. They are qualities to help YOU improve on YOU. A woman will find out AFTER meeting you and having a conversation whether or not you and a car is better than a big truck.. In fact, depending on who you are, MANY women overlook transportation altogether -- so as long as she can tell you have -or are getting- your sh** together. You'd laugh at the number of women who've loaned me their car, or overlooked altogether whether I was at home, with roommates, or had my own place. Hell, many simply preferred to go to their place anyway!

These are all factors that are playing against you, more so mentally. Where you are today in life is but a stepping stone to where you will be tomorrow. If it wasn't, you'd be standing still. Big deal you aren't driving your manly truck to your awesome 1 BR condo with study space and skyline view. Be the guy who can catch a cab/bus somewhere confidently because you have other things to worry about in your life. You have somewhere to stay. That's what matters. Are you overthinking a lot of the things, you bet!!!

Confidence and attraction can also come when saying 'NO.' In fact, I'd say I attracted a lot more from saying No than Yes. If sex means a lot to you and you don't want to be used for sex, STOP HER and tell her!! THAT is confidence, THAT is being a man. Get up in the middle of your makeout session, let her know you DO care about her, you don't want things to get physical like this because you will fall faster, and that you want to take your time. Then actually get dressed and mean it! The girls who just wanted sex anyway (NOT just what you're wanting right?) will proceed to ignore you, while those who genuinely did want more, will contact you again.

Like attracts Like. Quality people will typically find quality people. Typically. Where you stay and what you drive doesn't define you. What you do every day to get your next meal, or to get moving forward daily towards your dreams, does.

Looks like someone ratted me out, or I shouldn't have even bothered to mention that I once had another account. I'll go ahead and repost under the old account. I'm sorry Mods, you can delete all of this if you need to/want to. Again, my apologies. Back to my old account, BigSpoon

Girl A: About 2 years younger than me, 28, has a decent job and is going back to college for more education. Lives at home with the parents, either due to her last relationship ending and her moving out (she told me), and/or it's more acceptable in certain cultures. Her family is Cambodian. She's pretty, a personality that flows well with me, and it's fun/easy to talk to her. She's a really cool girl, likes video games and martial arts and martial arts movies, like me. Similar type of humor. She's also compatible with my astrology sign! Haha just kidding!

Girl B: My age, 30, mother of a 2 year old. Baby daddy left her when she told him she was pregnant almost immediately, and he's completely out of the picture. Apparently, he went back to his ex. So she's been a single mom for the past 2+ years by herself, basically. She's more attractive to me, physically, but she seems possibly slightly damaged emotionally after all she's been through, I'm not entirely sure. She has her own place with her baby daughter. She works full time and is going back to college to be a Nurse. She also has a part time job on the weekends at a fancy restaurant. Needless to say, she's incredibly busy. She hasn't seen or heard from the father for almost 2 years, until she finally found him to collect child support. In fact, she's going to court tomorrow to work out all of that legal paperwork, etc. She told me she's definitely not looking forward to it, or seeing the father. That's neither here nor there though, for this post haha.

I've been on basically 2 dates with Girl A, and 3 with Girl B. I met them both online - please don't judge. It's sometimes hard to meet people in your age range if it's not at work or online, especially if you're not a frequent bar or club hopper. I wouldn't want to meet a girl in those circumstances anyways.

I actually met Girl B first, in "real life". No catfish action for either of these girls, thank God. First date with B, we met at a restaurant late on a Sunday night (not yesterday, but the Sunday last week), one of the only times where her daughter is at the grandma's house to be taken care of. Prior to that, we had spent many nights in a row on the phone for an incredible amount of time. There was one night we talked for 3.5 hours! I NEVER do that with anyone! We had a good time on the first date, I walked her to her car and said I'd like to see her again and that maybe we could go to a local comedy club next weekend (this past weekend) and she said that would be fun. We continued to talk throughout the week briefly. She's sort of up and down when it comes to communication i.e. texts, phone calls, etc. There was a night or two I missed her because I called and she didn't answer or call me back (like last night). A few of the days, I tried keeping it brief on text but didn't want her to think I wasn't thinking about her necessarily. One or two of the days, she kept almost constant communication with me via text all day until we talked on the phone that night. Lately, however, she hasn't been incredibly receptive to texts during the day, very sporadic. Anyways, onto the 2nd and 3rd date! 2nd date was this past Friday, we met at another restaurant since she wasn't comfortable with me knowing where she lived i.e. picking her up for the date. We had a great time again at dinner, and took it a little further. We went to a fun bowling/pool/laser tag/arcade game place and played around. We had taken my car from the restaurant to the bowling place so that we weren't driving 2 cars. When I dropped her back off at her car, I gave her some flowers I picked up earlier that night and we kissed a little in my car. She seemed to like them. The 3rd date was the following morning, we met at a coffee shop to just hang out and talk more, and I helped her look up some cars she is interested in getting for her next car. Small kiss when we parted ways at our cars in the parking lot. Didn't get to talk to her that night because I had a date with Girl A!

Girl A I met in person at yet another restaurant earlier that week, I want to say Weds or so. We REALLY hit it off, personality wise. It was like instant flirting almost. Really cute and seemingly nice girl. I had tried several times since first exchanging phone numbers to talk to her on the phone, but she told me at one point earlier in "knowing" her that she "wasn't much of a phone person". I was able to talk to her once on the phone, that was how we had set up the initial date tentatively. When the date was over and I walked her back to her car in the parking lot and we hugged goodbye, she said "mmm you smell good" and was giving me a look, so we kissed. I have NEVER done that on a first date, I was kind of shocked myself. It didn't feel wrong or anything, and she wasn't backing down from it. We agreed to meet again soon, as soon as the upcoming weekend (this past weekend). We took a rain check on Friday night because we had a bit of a blizzard snow storm, and also because I had that other date with Girl B planned for Friday. On Friday night, when the date with Girl B was over, I tried to call her to talk as it wasn't that late or anything. She had also told me earlier in the evening that she was practicing some of her martial arts and would call me when she was done and before she went to bed. Needless to say, she didn't call, so I called her like I said, when date with Girl B was over. I'd say it was 11pm or so? I didn't get a response from Girl A until 2:30am with a text from her that said, "Hey sorry I didn't pick up. I'm talking to my friend. I'm having some family stuff going on". I said that I was sorry to hear and that she's welcome to call and talk to me. She wrote back saying "I'm freaking out right now". I told her to take some deep breaths, and I tried to call again. No answer. I fell asleep. Another text at 3:59am saying, "I just got done talking to my cousin. I think I freaked her out a bit" and "I'm going to get some sleep". Because of all of this, I wasn't sure if we'd actually be able to go on the planned Sat night date. Throughout the day, when trying to make plans for that evening, I wasn't even sure she wanted to see me. She had gone out for food/drinks with her sister, going over all of their "family issues". It wasn't until about 8pm that she said she was free to hang out. I drove to her house, picked her up, and we went to eat, she had a glass of wine. I suggested a movie or the comedy show, she said it was sort of late for that. I suggested a movie at my place, which she readily agreed to. We drove back to my place, had to set up my TV and PlayStation to be able to play any movies. It didn't really matter though; as I kept getting the sense we were going to have sex. Sure enough, we did. Then fell asleep in my bed, and I took her back home Sunday morning. I also gave her flowers when I dropped her off. When I said we’d plan another date soon, she jokingly said, "I don't know, maybe I’ll just hit it and quit it". I figured it to be a joke as we both chuckled…

So since this weekend, I've continued to try talking to each of the girls either briefly throughout the day via text or attempt to get them on the phone at night. I thought girls liked it when a guy "PICKED UP THE PHONE AND CALLED!" instead of only always texting?! Yesterday, Girl A and I traded a few texts, joking about the movie that was on when we had sex, talked about this video game that we both like, etc. She mentioned last night that she was "about to shower", and I joked back asking if I could join. She said, "Mmm I love hot showers". She didn't call me back when I called (twice, I think, I know that's bad!!!!). Today I just tried to forget about her and not text her anymore because I'm sick of looking stupid trying to contact her and getting rejected, in a sense. That's why I am wondering if she really was kidding about "hitting and quitting it". About 1hr ago, I tried to call her and she didn't answer (big shocker), and I didn't bother leaving a message. Something interesting to point out is that she was basically acting that same way earlier before she finally met me in person and we kissed on the first date. She told me afterwards that she "regretted not picking up your phone calls now!". I figured certainly after sex she'd want to talk more, but I’m not getting that impression at the present moment.

Last night, Girl B didn't pick up or didn't call me back. During the day today, her text responses to me were pretty short and one-worded type of answers. I know she recently got sick, so I just asked if she was feeling better and her only real response was "Worse". I tried not to bother her as much during the day, hoping we would be able to talk on the phone tonight. So I called her also about an hour ago, tried to catch her earlier in the night in case she went to bed early with her daughter, etc. She answered, but the conversation was very brief. She told me she was working on a lot of papers (stuff for her child support/custody court tomorrow). She told me, "Don't take it personally", and I was sort of confused. I said, "About what? Are you saying you can't talk right now or do you mean something else?". She said, "Yea I'm saying I have to get off the phone, sorry". I said that was OK, but that I'd like to talk to her, possibly later tonight? Before she could answer, I just said, "How about this, if you get done and want to call me back, you can, otherwise I won't bother you", and that was that. I didn't say it as mean as it might have sounded her via words. She said, "OK", and then we got off the phone. I seriously doubt she'll call. And I'm not sure if I should even try to bother texting her tomorrow or trying to call tomorrow night either. Should I let her come to me at this point?

I guess I'm kind of frustrated with both of these girls. Girl A has seemingly used me for sex or something, I don't know. Girl B is either very busy with her life situation right now and/or has lost some kind of interest in me. I tend to assume the worst, that she's not interested in me anymore. I don't know why.

Am I being rejected? Is it just my perception? I do admit and know that I have a bit of a problem when it comes to relationships as far as reading between the lines a lot. If I like a girl, I tend to try and concentrate my efforts on trying to "win her over" and get something more "serious" going. So that could be part of the problem. Most guys would tell me, "Dude, you had sex and she isn't really talking to you anymore? That's awesome!", but I don't think that way, if it's a girl I like/find attractive/etc.

I do wonder though how to play this dating "chase" game. I also almost dislike texts in the dating realm as there seems to be so much reading between the lines with regards to the etiquette of dating texts. Tone isn't conveyed well, that's for sure. Where do you draw the line between letting a woman chase you back and being the man who is supposed to "lead" and put in all the effort in the beginning, setting up dates and "taking the lead", which women apparently find attractive???

I could be thinking too much about it too, but I feel like my present life situation isn't exactly ideal for finding a "mate" or whatever lol. After my bad relationship and breakup, I had to sort of start over from ground zero. I was able to find a place to live, but it's just a room in a house with other people. It's not "my place" really. It feels awkward to try and bring a girl over to my "room". Before my last relationship, I had lived on my own for almost 3 years, in my own apartment. I've also been listening to a lot of dating Podcasts and have ordered a few Dating/Relationship books for men. In a Podcast I heard, they were mentioning to men to do more "manly" things to increase testosterone and basically boost your manliness factor. One of those things included owning/driving a truck, just for example. I wish I could get a truck right now, but my financial life is in ruins currently. I'm lucky to even have a car, honestly. So without my own place (apartment/condo/house), without some more manly things in my life i.e. owning a truck, I feel like I'm swimming upstream. I do have a great job/career that I love and see myself there for many years to come. I would like to say I have a great personality, although I know I have plenty of quirks. I'd like to think I'm physically attractive. That has never really been an issue when trying to meet women. I am NOT trying to sound narcissistic, but I do get compliments from time to time. I'm in decent physical form, but not where I was when I was on this forum back in 2013 and had a six pack. The relationship I was in really took a toll on me. I have been meaning to get back into the gym, but I'm not fat and all my clothes still fit, haha.

So it could just be my horrible luck, or I did something wrong to push away these two girls without fully knowing. If it was something I did wrong or was unattractive to them, I can't do anything about it now. It's also too early in either of the "relationships" (if you want to call them that) to try and right the ship since you only get so many chances to make an impression on someone early on. Here's my question though, why are you on all of these dating sites/apps (Girl A I saw on two different dating sites!) and DON'T RESPOND or give someone the time of day. And it's usually, it seems, that a guy is the flakey one who just wants to "hit it and quit it". It seems that girls are the ones who turn guys off/away in the early stages by acting too needy or do something unattractive and then get hurt or disappointed when the guy doesn't talk to her much anymore.

Anyways, I just wrote a novel and I'm so sorry guys. I just get to writing and I can't stop. In a way, it's therapeutic for me. After the last conversation with Girl B on the phone an hour ago when I told her that if she wanted to call me back, cool, but that I wouldn't bother her if not, I felt very compelled to get on here and jot down all of my thoughts. I was never good at the art of chasing women, or getting them to chase me. Part of me is telling me just to stop contacting either of these women unless they contact me first, just to see if they're interested, if they'll "chase" me or not. I guess if they didn't try to talk to me again anymore, that would be a clear indication. However, I don't want to just pull back so aggressively that they don't think I'm interested in them anymore or something.

If any of you actually read all of this, I will give you a high five and a cookie. Really though, thank you for reading if you have. Right now my thought is to find another girl or two to try and talk to, since I get a feeling neither of these girls like me anymore. Then again, that could be total reaction on my part.

Stay tuned for Girl C and Girl D, coming soon to a theater near you, dates to be announced. I shall continue my quest for a girl who’s dating material and shows some kind of mutual interest.

Looks like someone ratted me out, or I shouldn't have even bothered to mention that I once had another account. I'll go ahead and repost under the old account. I'm sorry Mods, you can delete all of this if you need to/want to. Again, my apologies. Back to my old account, BigSpoon

They would of found out anyways..

I've recently began watching a lot of Coach Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube. He has a lot of really great dating advice for men mostly. One thing I watched a few videos on last night, after I posted this, was talking about how the best negotiation tactic is the ability to walk away. Meaning, having patience and knowing that if a girl really likes you, she will put forth the effort to contact you and make time in her schedule to hang out with you. That's not to say guys don't do any of the chasing/pursuing, but that at some point, you can't do all of it. If you've put forth effort, and the girl knows you like her, you don't need to keep pushing her to talk or make dates with her.

He was going over a situation in which someone emailed him, talking about a girl that he was really interested in who was making it "difficult" to date him. She had a child, and she would bail at the last minute a lot saying that she couldn't find a babysitter, and he kept on being a pushover and saying "Oh that's reasonable, OK, we'll try another time!", but after a few times of that, it almost becomes evident that she just isn't that interested in you to make time for you in her schedule. It's no sweat off her back if you don't hang out. He made a great point that say Brad Pitt was single and was trying to date her, she'd FIND a f***ing babysitter, bet your a**"

In all honesty...I started reading Girl As and Girl Bs first paragraphs and afterwards...I just started scrolling down. Bottom line...if you have to write a thread this lengthy about two girls, neither one of them relationship material, you should date none of them and move on to something else!!!

Often, dating seems to be a blood sport these days. Quality partners hard to find. Sometimes you can try to hard.

Yea, I apologize for the length of the post. Even I got tired when re-reading it! Quality partners are hard to find. That's partially probably what kept me in my past LTR, even with all of the abuse and psychological damage that was inflicted and even continues to this day in a way. My ex bought me a snowboard for Christmas last year, and when we split she demanded it back, or else she'd take me to court. I returned the snowboard to her work today, for example, and that wasn't good enough, now she's saying I owe her "A LOT" of money, didn't return her garage door opener, nor the snowboard boots. I don't have any of those things, so she said she'll see me in court. Ugh.

I think men have a tendency to over-pursue. We are so goal oriented/focused when it comes to certain things like dating, shopping, etc. We tend to just go straight for the target whilst ignoring everything else. That results in sometimes coming off creepy or just weird to women who don't operate that way. Their approach to "mating" or dating is kinda different.

So backing off, you'll see whether or not a girl is interested, I guess. Funny, I saw both Girl A and Girl B were "online" last night on the dating site that I met them on. Yet they were too busy to pick up the phone when I called, or just get me off the phone quickly once answered.

i too only breezed through your descriptions of the girls. why do you feel the need to explain their personalities to strangers so much? it doesn't matter what we read on paper of your descriptions, what matters is what you think of them and how comfortable you are with each of them.

personally, i think you're trying too hard. take your time to get to know the girls so you don't make a rash decision on who to date exclusively (even though i don't think that's something to rush into).

why do feel so pressured to have a girlfriend?

You are doing it wrong Big Spoon. YOu just got out of a relationship. This means, you need to heal/recover FIRST.

Give it 3-6 months (no contact with EX and no contact with opposite sex during this time).....THEN you will be ready.

Sorry to crap on your parade....

Hello dear BigSpoon,

Firstly, I would like to admit that I had much fun reading your topic, though it was a long text, very long text, I really didn't feel lost at any point reading it, high five

I'll talk and be honest with you, based on what you could have seen in this two ladies, but I'll also give you what I could see in them from your text.

Between this two girls, I would really recommend to you Girl B, the mom, because firstly and most important, she's responsible women and she knows what she's doing, that's why your moves are going so slowly with her, she really felt the taste of having sex, getting a child and getting divorced, so believe me, having sex with her, gonna take you more time than Girl A's but when you do that, especially if she wants to do it too, it means you're in a point, that you, really matter a lot to her heart, and my favorite girls are the one who makes me really put effort to have sex with them instead of doing it randomly if you know what I mean.

While Girl A seems more a "hooker", don't get me wrong but, having sex this fast, talking about it like it's a normal activity, no sorry but it's not the women I would look for in my entire life no matter what, plus, her jokes, I strongly believe that deep inside even if you joke, you mean at some point, the fact you thought about that joke means you have it somewhere in your mind, with a little bit of chance, you could really mean it, so in another way, she mean it too.

Plus, she's avoiding you, in not a very intelligent way, you're a man, I guess you should not do that.

Maybe she used to have fun, but I doubt you didn't enjoy that too ? but somehow, you're the most hitted one, as she was looking for something and she got it, while you was looking for something you got it, but you didn't get the bigger thing which is having her as you're woman.

I just want to tell you that you're a very supporting person, I mean, when you said you could see her message at 3:59am or so, my first reaction was, what the , I never done that with any girl, so I think you deserve a women that is supporting too, otherwise she doesn't deserve you.

Girl B, the mom, looks the logical choice when it comes about me, I don't know about you, plus, I'm saying this based only on what you have said which means what you could have noticed and talked about, you may have missed some points by either not noticing them or by forgetting to put them in your unusual text.

Anyways, what you're doing now is WRONG, you should focus on only one girl, and I really really believe that you have more chance getting your favorite one our there better than waiting for it to come in your screen.

Do it now, choose a girl and get yourself a woman instead of having sex with both of them, because you may want and find the one, but having sex with another different fifty girls, isn't a really good thing.

And don't forget, don't call any of them before they do that, otherwise you'll look you're falling in love for them, the woman are nice but they're humans and their feelings controls them, you have to look you don't give a damn about losing them at some point so they put the same effort you're putting, this heck of alot of words you wrote today here shows that you're putting effort on them and you're really thinking in them.

And high five for putting all your feelings here, one of the best ways to feel better I know is to talk about it, and you sure did.

I don't have a problem with Girl C and D, but I hope you won't reach Girl Y and Girl Z.

Wish you the best,

NobleWolf.

Thanks NobleWolf, and to DoF and kitkat. I do understand that is one school of thought, the whole waiting a predetermined amount of time before attempting to get involved with anyone. I am not saying that's not a good way to think or handle the end of a relationship, but in a way, my last relationship was over a long, long time ago. More importantly, I don't want to exclude myself from specifically not talking to anyone of the opposite sex at all for 3, 6 months, 1 year, etc because what if you miss out on a great chance or encounter for a great relationship? I don't believe in shutting down completely until a predetermined amount of time has passed.

And I am sorry, again, that my post about the two girls was so incredibly long. I didn't anticipate that, but once I start writing I have a hard time stopping lol! I will try my best to keep things more brief from here on.

In semi-reflection, I too think I would prefer Girl B in this scenario. She's a mother, and yes, she's felt the burn of life with her getting pregnant and the father disappearing, denying the child was his, etc.

I don't want to have sex with both of them and just keep playing the field with sex as the ultimate goal, because it's not. I don't do that on the first, second, maybe even third date or beyond. Girl A and the second date we had last Sat was sort of a surprise to me, I didn't think it would happen so fast. I didn't complain, but looking back it is a little unlike me. I certainly don't want to bug them and I do want them to put forth some effort in contacting me or making plans to hang out, etc. Otherwise, I'm doing all of the work and end up looking like a fool.

Last night, I kinda "caved" in a way, telling Girl A what was on my mind. It went a little something like this:

Me: I'm not gonna lie, I like you. I'm not sure you're that interested in me, but maybe that's me. I didn't want to "hit it and quit it" lol. You seem really interesting and I wanted to get to know you more. I feel really stupid when I try to call and talk. I'm not pushing for something serious if that's not what you want, but I don't want to just be some random guy you slept with if you don't want much to do with me, please don't string me along lolHer: I still want to hangout with you. I did tell you that I'm not much of a phone person

Me: OK

Her (much later, the next day which was today) : So is that ok or do you prefer someone you can be on the phone with?

Me: No that's fine, it's just guys get a bad rep time to time for never picking up the phone to actually call

Her: You don't have to worry about a bad rep with me! I'm similar to a guy

Me: That's too bad. I can only imagine Her (after a few hours): Thanks for asking

Thanks NobleWolf, and to DoF and kitkat. I do understand that is one school of thought, the whole waiting a predetermined amount of time before attempting to get involved with anyone. I am not saying that's not a good way to think or handle the end of a relationship, but in a way, my last relationship was over a long, long time ago. More importantly, I don't want to exclude myself from specifically not talking to anyone of the opposite sex at all for 3, 6 months, 1 year, etc because what if you miss out on a great chance or encounter for a great relationship? I don't believe in shutting down completely until a predetermined amount of time has passed.

And I am sorry, again, that my post about the two girls was so incredibly long. I didn't anticipate that, but once I start writing I have a hard time stopping lol! I will try my best to keep things more brief from here on.

In semi-reflection, I too think I would prefer Girl B in this scenario. She's a mother, and yes, she's felt the burn of life with her getting pregnant and the father disappearing, denying the child was his, etc.

I don't want to have sex with both of them and just keep playing the field with sex as the ultimate goal, because it's not. I don't do that on the first, second, maybe even third date or beyond. Girl A and the second date we had last Sat was sort of a surprise to me, I didn't think it would happen so fast. I didn't complain, but looking back it is a little unlike me. I certainly don't want to bug them and I do want them to put forth some effort in contacting me or making plans to hang out, etc. Otherwise, I'm doing all of the work and end up looking like a fool.

Last night, I kinda "caved" in a way, telling Girl A what was on my mind. It went a little something like this:

Me: I'm not gonna lie, I like you. I'm not sure you're that interested in me, but maybe that's me. I didn't want to "hit it and quit it" lol. You seem really interesting and I wanted to get to know you more. I feel really stupid when I try to call and talk. I'm not pushing for something serious if that's not what you want, but I don't want to just be some random guy you slept with if you don't want much to do with me, please don't string me along lol

Her: I still want to hangout with you. I did tell you that I'm not much of a phone person

Me: OK

Her (much later, the next day which was today): So is that ok or do you prefer someone you can be on the phone with?

Me: No that's fine, it's just guys get a bad rep time to time for never picking up the phone to actually call

Her: You don't have to worry about a bad rep with me! I'm similar to a guy

Me: Lol OK

I tried to leave Girl B alone, for the most part. Didn’t text her any “good morning”, “have a good day”, nor “how’s your day going?”, nada. I knew she had a court date today with the kid’s father for the child support and custody stuff, and I knew that was stressful for her. I saw that she posted on Facebook about it. I didn’t respond there though. I texted the following:

Me: I hope your court thing went well

Her: It was very weird to see him after so long. However he has not changed as a person.

Me: That's too bad. I can only imagine

Her (a few hours later): Thanks for asking

Me: Of course

So I’m feeling stuck, trying to not scratch this itch to call her and see how’s doing. On one hand, I want her to know I was thinking about her and hope things went OK today. On the other hand, I am trying to follow the dating advice given to men that I’ve been reading, listening to, and watching online, all telling men to be patient, and if she knows you like her and if she likes you back, she’ll find a way to contact you and make time for you in her life/schedule.

Thanks NobleWolf, and to DoF and kitkat. I do understand that is one school of thought, the whole waiting a predetermined amount of time before attempting to get involved with anyone. I am not saying that's not a good way to think or handle the end of a relationship, but in a way, my last relationship was over a long, long time ago. More importantly, I don't want to exclude myself from specifically not talking to anyone of the opposite sex at all for 3, 6 months, 1 year, etc because what if you miss out on a great chance or encounter for a great relationship? I don't believe in shutting down completely until a predetermined amount of time has passed.

 

And I am sorry, again, that my post about the two girls was so incredibly long. I didn't anticipate that, but once I start writing I have a hard time stopping lol! I will try my best to keep things more brief from here on.

 

In semi-reflection, I too think I would prefer Girl B in this scenario. She's a mother, and yes, she's felt the burn of life with her getting pregnant and the father disappearing, denying the child was his, etc.

 

I don't want to have sex with both of them and just keep playing the field with sex as the ultimate goal, because it's not. I don't do that on the first, second, maybe even third date or beyond. Girl A and the second date we had last Sat was sort of a surprise to me, I didn't think it would happen so fast. I didn't complain, but looking back it is a little unlike me. I certainly don't want to bug them and I do want them to put forth some effort in contacting me or making plans to hang out, etc. Otherwise, I'm doing all of the work and end up looking like a fool.

 

 

Last night, I kinda "caved" in a way, telling Girl A what was on my mind. It went a little something like this:

 

Me: I'm not gonna lie, I like you. I'm not sure you're that interested in me, but maybe that's me. I didn't want to "hit it and quit it" lol. You seem really interesting and I wanted to get to know you more. I feel really stupid when I try to call and talk. I'm not pushing for something serious if that's not what you want, but I don't want to just be some random guy you slept with if you don't want much to do with me, please don't string me along lol

Her: I still want to hangout with you. I did tell you that I'm not much of a phone person

Me: OK

Her (much later, the next day which was today): So is that ok or do you prefer someone you can be on the phone with?

Me: No that's fine, it's just guys get a bad rep time to time for never picking up the phone to actually call

Her: You don't have to worry about a bad rep with me! I'm similar to a guy

Me: Lol OK

 

 

 

I tried to leave Girl B alone, for the most part. Didn’t text her any “good morning”, “have a good day”, nor “how’s your day going?”, nada. I knew she had a court date today with the kid’s father for the child support and custody stuff, and I knew that was stressful for her. I saw that she posted on Facebook about it. I didn’t respond there though. I texted the following:

 

Me: I hope your court thing went well

Her: It was very weird to see him after so long. However he has not changed as a person.

Me: That's too bad. I can only imagine

Her (a few hours later): Thanks for asking

Me: Of course

 

 

 

So I’m feeling stuck, trying to not scratch this itch to call her and see how’s doing. On one hand, I want her to know I was thinking about her and hope things went OK today. On the other hand, I am trying to follow the dating advice given to men that I’ve been reading, listening to, and watching online, all telling men to be patient, and if she knows you like her and if she likes you back, she’ll find a way to contact you and make time for you in her life/schedule.

I would be patient: I'm in my mid-twenties, so a few years younger than you and these women, but personally I'd start to feel a little smothered by all of the communication.

Yea, I feel like a complete idiot, especially when I look back and read and reflect on some of the stuff I'm doing. I have probably already ruined it with these two, but who knows. I just got Corey Wayne's "How to be a 3% man" book, and I hope it'll help me understand women a little better. I'm not the 30 year old virgin though, lol! I haven't had a hard time attracting women in my life at all. I've tried many different approaches from very direct to very indirect and subtle, and I've slept with more women that I feel comfortable telling anyone, especially a girl who might want to have a relationship and could ask that question. I've just had trouble attracting some of the girls I really like and don't seem to like me back.

The Girl B from the above scenario and I talked on the phone briefly last night, mostly about the drama she's going through via court and the child support issues with the semen donor, for lack of a better word. I half jokingly told her that she just needed some "___ in her life" with ____ being my name. That got her talking, asking about my past relationship and why that ended, and we shared stories along the line of our exes, respectively. I tried to keep that brief. We talked about her most recent ex, the 42 year old (she just turned 30) who has 2-3 kids of his own, and apparently just moved back in with his parents. I made a general statement about relationships that seemed to be fitting, as everyone in the world seems to have the same thing to say about their ex: "he/she was just crazy". She said that everyone has baggage and she has her own baggage, and I acknowledged that, but unsolicited she expanded, saying that her most recent ex and her had the cops called a few times in their relationship. I guess the neighbors would call the cops or something. She said one time he was upsetting her while she was getting dressed or something in a closet, and so she slapped him in the face, and he slapped her back.

In conclusion, she said she's going through so much drama in her life right now: working two jobs, going to college, being a single mom, dealing with child support/custody, etc, that she said she "isn't sure she has the time or energy to put into anything", with that "anything" referencing whatever it is we have going on, I guess. I asked her (nicely), why in the world would you sign up for a dating website or two, put yourself out there, obviously with the intent for SOMETHING to happen, whether that be a causal hookup or your next husband, all along knowing how much crap is going on in your life in the background? I told her I liked her, but don't know what she wants. She said she doesn't know what she wants and when I asked her why she was online, she said "I don't really know".

So that's that. Have a tentative date planned for Sat night with Girl A...

Two of the sites/apps I'm trying to use flat out suck. I mean, when I first signed up, I got a handful of matches or responses almost every day. Now, I haven't gotten a single one in a week! I don't get it.