Some people would call him a mummys boy

Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. Hes 34 and still lives at home with his mum.

He is an only child and very very close with his mum which is understandable. It hurts though as hes closer with her than me and puts her first always.

Shes on her own and struggles through life but there is no sign of her meeting anyone.

She loves me too there is no resentment there towards me for going out with her son so I guess it could be worse. Am I just being jealous or at the age of 34 should he have grown up a bit more?

It has got to the stage where people are asking us questions about marriage and children. He brushes it off and never answers but has never talked me to about any of that so I don't know what he wants out of life. Should I just carry on as we are and see what happens bearing in mind im not getting any younger

Wow. Nothing is a turn-off like a mama's boy. 34 and still living at home? Yikes. You've been together five years and if he's made no attempts at getting more serious (co-habiting or marriage) and is avoiding the subject when it comes up, then I doubt he'll be doing so anytime soon.

Out of curiosity, why does he still live at home? What does he do for work?

Well you can't change him. If you want kids and he doesn't you should leave. Have you asked him about children etc?Don't wait from him to start this conversation. If his mother is cordial with you it's bearable i guess. But if you feel frustrated from the fact that he is more close with his mum than with you then you should break up with him because this situation will never change.

Im not completely sure tbh, he says his mum gets lonely on her own and its closer for him to get to work in the morning.

What about me though, I might be lonely too.

Should I just talk to him about it?

Im not completely sure tbh, he says his mum gets lonely on her own and its closer for him to get to work in the morning.

What about me though, I might be lonely too.

Should I just talk to him about it?

Yes , explain to him how you feel .You can draw an inference of what you should expect from him in the future.

Well hold on. Does he live OFF his mom (as in not pay rent and not contribute towards the household, help etc). Or does he live with his mom and pays his share/helps/ fixes thing maybe/generaly contributed to household?

Those 2 are completely different and change EVERYTHING.

I see NOTHING wrong with a guy/anyone relaly living with their parents and contributing towards the household. This is common around the world, not in US.

NOW, if he is just a leach and using his mom, doing nothing and lazy/no ambition etc....then you need to ask yourself "what the hell were you thinking even getting involved with such a guy".

Ooooooooo, a mummy's boy. Cool. Is he wrapped up in bandages and sleeps In a sarcophagus. That would be hard on the relationship. And ancient Egyptian curses are nothing to laugh at. I can see why you're having problems.

This is the thing, he does everything for his mum in terms of diy and maintenance as she struggle to cope on her own. In return she washes his clothes and cooks him dinner everyday.

The weird thing is though...and some of you may laugh.... he has his own house and has done for years.

We stay at his at weekends then during the week he stays at his mums.

Its starting to feel like im having an affair. Its him and his wife (his mum) then at the weekend im like the bit on the side. That's how it feels.

Its a crazy setup, but yeah hes brilliant, he helps me loads, does stuff for me, I love him so much but this one problem really niggles me and I just don't know what to do about it

Ooooooooo, a mummy's boy. Cool. Is he wrapped up in bandages and sleeps In a sarcophagus. That would be hard on the relationship. And ancient Egyptian curses are nothing to laugh at. I can see why you're having problems.

Bahahahaha. That cracked me up.

Why are you not talking about this with your bf? You are using some vague terms. I am definetely close to my mother and there is nothing wrong with that per say. However there would be an issue if my relationship with my parents would affect negatively my relationship with my bf. So is he not calling you, setting up dates, helping you in times of need? You have to ask him if he sees the situation (him living with his mother) as temporary and ask for his life goals and see if they match with yours.

So he moved out...and you spend weekends together at his place. And during the week he stays at her.place because it is a shorter commute and in exchange for doing stuff...he has a cook and someone to do his laundry. Seems a fair bargain.

In 5 years he has never brought up getting g engaged or married? Have you?

we both find it really hard to talk about life issues, neither of us 'chat' about anything like that so for me to bring it up is going to be really hard. ive tried before and chicken out everytime.

Hes the perfect boyfriend. Just little things for example - if I call him and hes eating dinner he wont answer the phone. when were eating together and his mum calls, then he answers.

Also - he texts me 3 x's at the end - his mum she gets 5 x's at the end of a text

Oh and we find somewhere new to go out like a pub or somewhere, after we go, a week later or so, he then takes his mum on his own because its somewhere nice to take her. Theres been times where ive not even been asked to go with them.

Neither of us have ever been married or got any children

If you have reached the point where you are counting xxx's and yet cannot discuss a future with him, i would say there likely isn't one. He is happy with it and you haven't told him you are unhappy.

Him taking his mother out to supper to a new place is nice. And you not being invited...why would he.

How far away do you live? How far is his house from hers and from his work...

Maybe your right about the going out for the dinner thing. I just always thought after 5 years together if I went out with my parents he would automatically get asked why would I not?

I live about 20 mins drive away but his house is actually closer to his work than his mums but he says the traffic is worse where his house is, and honestly that's not true. It is quicker from his own house, its just an excuse

Because it is time for him to pay attention to her.

My mother was widowed and I used to take her out to dinner 1-2x a week. I didn't invite my boyfriend. That would make her feel like she was intruding on a date.

If you cannot talk about a future, then you can't act lime you are family. Do you ever go over to her house and have dinner and chat with her and him?

Why is this bothering you now? Surely you've know it for five years, right? As to brushing off comments about marriage and children it's simple, he doesn't want them. Not if he's been with you for five years and hasn't put a ring on it yet or even discussed it.

Sorry, it sounds like mumsy has first dibs on his heart and always will. You can hang around for another five if you like or not, but the only one here who is going to change one way or another is you.

when you say 'pay attention to her' yes that's great but they live together. I see him two days a week

I do go round there every Friday evening when the weekend starts. She really likes me, she even turned round to me last year and said 'so when are you going to give me a grandchild' he just didn't react or say one word to that.

I think part of being an adult is being able to speak up...which you are not doing. I do believe there is a possibility he just does not see a long term future with you hence why he has no motivation to change his current habits and since you are not saying anything you are consenting to the situation and the status quo.

I think you've hit the nail on the head right there

If I were to talk to him about it, what do I ask him exactly?

Do you see a long term future with me? Do you want to get married? (without actually proposing lol)

I havnt got a clue

Talk to him just like you are talking to us. Tell him your concerns, your wishes, your desires. That you can't speak of these kinds of things easily 5 years in... I wouldn't date someone for 3 months that I couldn't be open with, let alone 5 years! What are you afraid of? That he has different ideas than you do? Isn't it better to find out what those different ideas are?

If I were to talk to him about it, what do I ask him exactly?

Do you see a long term future with me? Do you want to get married? (without actually proposing lol)

I havnt got a clue

May i ask you how old you are? Are you the passive one in the relationship? Why are you fearful of opening a discussion about the topic? Maybe start by discussing your need to spend more time with him and see what he answers?

when you say 'pay attention to her' yes that's great but they live together. I see him two days a week

I do go round there every Friday evening when the weekend starts. She really likes me, she even turned round to me last year and said 'so when are you going to give me a grandchild' he just didn't react or say one word to that.

I assume he works all day, so he sees her at night and in the morning.

Your bf likes the status quo. I don't see this moving forward. I have been with mine for 6 years...we live together now and have discussed marriage (or not marrying) several times.