Replied to my letter

I wrote a letter to my ex and left it at his house when I went to go get some of my stuff.

A little background, we were best friends for 10 years (sometimes with benefits) and dated for 1. And we've been apart for almost a month, I text him during the first week, and haven't heard from him until he text me this morning after I left the letter at his house. I'm also due to move half way across the country

'nice letter, I agree with what you say on it. I don't know what else to say other than we can't be together right now'

I can respond in one of three ways -

1. Fight for our relationship by outlining ways we can be together - example, we wouldn't have to live together and I could resume working (I wasn't working when we were together, lots of stress on both of us). He always said I just wish you were happier like when you were working (and had my own space), had my independence.

2. Agree with what he said and craft a text something along the lines of, okay I respect your decision, I hope you understand that there is nothing left for me around here anymore and will be continuing with my plans to move.

3. Say nothing at all, resume no contact, continue with my plans to move.

I'm undecided, is there anyone out there with more experience/with a birds eye view, that can point me to the correct way to respond please? Normally I'd just jump in and either go for 1 or 2, but I really don't want to mess it up, given a chance I would love to get back together, but sometimes I think I will be okay moving half way across the country. Thanks!!

For him to reply, could it mean he is asking me to help him get see number 1? Or is he just being polite since I went to the effort of writing him a letter (though it was short). He's quite stubborn.

Sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action

I would do 2 or 3, probably 3.

1 is out of the question, begging (under the guise of "fighting for the relationship") is so bad and never has the results you want. Would you really want to be with a guy you have to fight to keep? Why isn't *he* fighting? Nope, keep your dignity and move on.

The thing is, friendships sometimes dont translate into good relationships.

Relationships are a different sort of commitment and different expectations are involved.

Your BF sounds pretty clear he wants a break. Gather your pride and your hurt and leave him alone. It's hard to be dumped, very hard, and inevitably the desire to repair the relationship is huge.

Trying to convince him of the reasons he needs to get back together with you will just make you look weak and needy.

Best to take a deep breath, hold your head high, and step into a new phase of your life - without him.

 

For him to reply, could it mean he is asking me to help him get see number 1? Or is he just being polite since I went to the effort of writing him a letter (though it was short). He's quite stubborn.

The problem - and the hardest part about any question asked on these forums, as much as we like to ask them and read the responses - is that no one knows what someone else is thinking. No one, at all, period. We can have really pessimistic responses, really optimistic responses or something in-between as to what someone is thinking and why they might (or might not) be doing something, but at the end of the day, all you can do is listen to the words they are saying and believe them.

You have said what you want to say to your ex, and he has responded with words that say the relationship is finished. It may be finished forever, it may not be, but no one has any way of knowing. All you can do is believe the words that are being said and continue with your move, etc.

Throw in the towel. This one's done. You're moving half way across the country and you're broken up and he doesn't want to try.

Where do you see any hope here?

Number 3. He's done.

I thought maybe his reply might be because he was looking to me to help him see the other option, of how we could make it work, that's the feel I get because he always did that during our friendship, and relationship. He's very stubborn and not good with emotions.

But you guys are right, I should be reading the words and believing what he said, if he wanted something different maybe he would have said well how can we make it work.

I think I will go for number 2, as it's neutral, and gets the point across that I won't be around here any more, and very far away, I respect his decision. But I'm not going to act on it just yet, I will wait and think about it and once I've come to a firm conclusion then I will do it!

Definitely 3. You're only going for 2 cos you know 1 is begging and by 2 you're hoping for continuous replies to keep him in your life. It's over. Move on and keep your dignity.

His reply was "We can't be together". He isn't looking for you to find a way to make it happen.

That reply would have been "I don't see how we could possibly be together since you are moving and we had so much trouble during the relationship"

He knows you won't be here anymore. And I would guess that he assumes you will respect the decision. Texting anything is simply lastword-itis.

I agree with most of the folks who posted on here. I would continue your journey, without him.

Here's a key indicator, he responded nice letter, I agree with what you say on it. I don't know what else to say other than we can't be together right now.

Don't let that "right now" give you false hope, as it easily could.

Someone posted on here something along the lines of, "Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?" It's so true, and I haven't forgotten it.

Move forward and don't look back. Good luck.

I have a very similar situation. BFF for 10, relationship for 1.

After the breakup I did 1, and I did 2. Guess what it did? It dragged the breakup out for ANOTHER YEAR of painful back and forth. You really want to invest a year or more into back and forth, convincing, explaining, trying to find closure?

You really shouldn't do any of that unless it is done in couples therapy. Couples therapy only happens when two people wat to work on a relationship.

What finally is working? #3

He would not have said you couldn't be together if he didn't believe that. Men don't play mind games. It either is or isn't.

He told you how he felt. Whether or not you choose to respect those boundaries is really your choice. I just hope you make the right choice!