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wheresthebeef

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Like the subject says, I just need to vent a bit about my recent breakup. We were together for over 2.5 years. Long distance, but not a terribly long distance. She wanted to move things forward at a much faster pace than I was willing to give, to the point where she would pressure me and complain, which made me back off a bit. It wasn't that I didn't love her or care about her, it was that I'm just not used to things going at a faster pace. Still, she has many mental and emotional issues which she'll be the first to tell you about. I don't hold any of that against her, but she chose to not treat herself. In the end it may have saved a lot of grief in the relationship.

 

The week prior to our breakup things seemed great. She came up here for a few days and we had a really great time. I wasn't going to bed yet, but she asked me to tuck her in as she usually did. Before I went to bed I kissed her on the cheek as she slept. The following weekend something changed. She stopped reaching out to me. She became more aloof. At the end of that week she called me up complaining that she hasn't been single at all in her 20s. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? I want space to grow and find myself and be healthy "if I were to want to return to this down the road."

 

She couldn't end it on her own and she demanded my "blessing" to break up. Not expecting this phone call, I was obviously a bit argumentative and confused about it, trying to talk things out. She said "if you don't give me what I want, I'm going to cheat on you and tell you all about it." Realizing I was getting nowhere, and after hearing that, I sternly said "this is your decision, not mine. If this is what you want then fine. Thank you for the last three years. I love you, and I wish you the best of luck." I hung up on her, went upstairs, and cried like a baby for 10 minutes. She then texted me some followup stuff. I flat out ignored her. Cut her off. She called me out on it, but I stuck to my guns. I didn't chase her or beg and plead. It's now been two weeks and I haven't heard from her. No "so that's it?" conversation. No "I'm sorry, I hope we can be friends." Nothing.

 

Two and a half years gone in an instant. It still feels like last week that I went down to meet her for the first time. We've broken up a couple of times before and she came crying back to me. In the back of my mind I fully expected that this time, but after a few days analyzing the things she said, I realized that no, she isn't coming back. It hurts, sure, but my world isn't crumbling beneath me. I know there's another girl out there for me.

 

After the things she said, if she DID decide to seek me out again, I'm not so sure I could take her back this time. Either way, I need to keep moving forward. Thanks if you made it this far. Again, I just needed to vent.

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Thank you. Regardless of how the relationship went, and of course I don't put 100% of the blame on her, it's still difficult because I just spent nearly 3 years of my life with this person. Frankly, I think she left me to have more random sex. Maybe she just needed to get it out of her system, and maybe she'll attach herself to another guy and instantly fall head over heels the way she did with me. I hope though that one day she wakes up and realizes that she lost a good and stable man.

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Move on. Seems simple but I know its not. You're going to be hurting for a while but in the long run it'll be for the best.

 

She may realise the mistake she made one day but by then you'll have moved on with someone who appreciates you.

 

Eventually you'll stop checking for messages from her. And if she does call eventually, better to not answer.

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At this point I'm just going through the motions. It's still fresh. I'm proud of myself for being able to walk away cold this time around. She's shown her true colors, and it's just tough to realize that the girl I first met turned into the girl she is now, although she's probably always been the girl she is now. My friends explained to me that I could have done everything in the world to please that girl, and had I done this or that she would have demanded something else. I know there's a great girl out there for me, but right now I just need to get over the sting. As we all know, it's tough spending that much time with someone only to have it turn to naught.

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Sounds like you won't have to waist any more of your life with her. Consider this a blessing, unless of course you prefer to live a life in which you lack self respect and are attracted to dramatic relationships that are stagnant. Your future is about to get a lot brighter...that is of course, if you want it to be.

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I can see a bright future without her, but I'm just thinking about the better times while trying to move forward. At the moment I'm tasked with packing up her things and taking them to our shared storage unit ("shared" meaning about 95% HER things which I'M paying for) while she's out shacking up. I know it'll get better.

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I had a pretty bad dream about my ex last night. Unexpected because I went to bed feeling pretty good about myself, and I haven't had any others like it over the past couple of weeks. She was on a date with some guy, and for some reason I was there kind of hanging around. I didn't speak to her and she was keeping her distance. At one point though the guy said something to me along the lines of "you've gotta keep yourself in check. She's a great girl. etc etc." I woke up feeling pretty bad, and it's kind of set the tone for the day. Been feeling bad ever since, but I'm going to be seeing a friend in a bit. I usually feel better after speaking with friends. Everything I said above is still valid, but I'm not sure why it still hurts. The first couple of times we broke up I didn't feel that bad, but this time I'm really going through the motions. I even made a bucket list of all of the red flags and things that turned me off about her, but that didn't seem to help.

 

I'm having regrets on if flat out ignoring her was the right thing to do. At the time I felt totally justified, but looking back I wish I had said some peace and went on my way. Although, I keep telling myself that she deserved it and I wouldn't get sucked into her trap. I've begun to take off my rose colored glasses about her, but it doesn't take away the pain of losing someone you just spent almost 3 years with, whether it was good or bad.

 

I'm doing okay in moving on, but sometimes a trigger happens that sets me back.

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I'm sorry for what your going through, I completely understand. I'm currently in the midst of a rough break up with someone I spent 3 years with. There was alot of bad, but there was also alot of good. Its hard to walk away from someone you love and spend so much time with. But I think in both of our cases it is the best thing. And you are right, someday the girl for you is going to come along and treat you with the respect you deserve. As much as I hate my ex right now, its very hard not to crawl into bed with him and just have him hold me.. There is literally a wall between us. Don't let your heart take control, you seem like an intelligent person and there is someone out there that will treat you right you just need to heal. Someone that leaves someone and hurts them like that because she wants to sleep around is selfish. (That is what I get from the statement about her 20s anyways)

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Thank you. The more I do some reading and some looking back at the relationship, I'm seeing a pattern of narcissistic behavior in addition to some of her other problems. It makes much more sense now. I kept my guard up a lot of the time around her, and for a bit I felt very guilty that maybe I could/should have opened myself up a bit more to her, but now I'm very glad I did. I think this will be a good stepping stone moving forward and moving on.

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