Anger, Rage and overall stress has completely taken over

Over the past four weeks I have been experiencing an insane amount of stress. I've learned that i'll be forced to find a new job and a new place to live by the end of this year. However, that isn't really what has me stressed. I know that moving and finding work can be stressful, but I am actually looking forward to it. I've already applied to a job that can afford me the ridiculous cost of living. I did very well on all the assessment tests and am expecting to hear back from them soon. One thing that has affected me regarding stress is that I have been forced to quit smoking marijuana due to the medical test required for the job. THC has helped me tremendously with anxiety, anger and depression, but getting this job is obviously worth the sacrifice.

So, to the stress. I currently have a job that is less than sufficient for anything at all. I've noticed lately that any little thing will set me off. I've been snapping like a turtle at every little situation. It's almost as though I'm looking for a fight. I've become very negative, and very short tempered. I've smashed two brand new phones in three weeks. I've argued with family and have put them down for providing no positive insight to any adverse situation. I've nearly lost it on my current employers and friends. I've got nothing good to say about anyone, and am unable to focus on personal interests. I'm always angry, or working on it. I could pick a fight with my toe nails given the right circumstances(slight exaggeration).

I've taken many steps to solve these issues(books, forums, meditation etc.) but nothing has worked. The negativity has taken over. I also get very angry when I speak to certain people about this, only because I receive the common sensical advice(relax, do what makes you happy, seek professional help etc.). I don't know what I can do other than weather the storm. It seems that is my only option. Money is extremely limited, so before anyone goes off plugging a therapist or psychologist, it's not happening. I'll hang myself in the basement before I speak to a therapist.

You sound like you are having withdrawal symptoms from giving up weed.

Since money and therapy aren't options...take up running.

Your body needs to relieve stress and produce endorphins.

Well I was going to suggest therapy as you sound like a ticking time bomb but I dont want you to hang yourself in the basement. You do sound beyond stressed. Perhaps writing and ranting here will help as there's lots of great listeners for you. Do you think you are having trouble giving up weed and are experiencing withdrawal? I smoked weed for years and didn't have trouble stopping but maybe you do. I hope we can help you before you explode.

before anyone goes off plugging a therapist or psychologist, it's not happening. I'll hang myself in the basement before I speak to a therapist.

That's very unfortunate, because sometimes in life one has to learn to accept that we need professional help. Clearly, all the things you have been trying (books, forums, meditation etc.) are NOT working for you, so why continue with the struggle? All it does is make your life harder and harder to cope and deal with - eventually to breaking point.

May I ask, why so anti-therapist?

Money is extremely limited, so before anyone goes off plugging a therapist or psychologist, it's not happening. I'll hang myself in the basement before I speak to a therapist.

Giant red flag! "I'll hang myself in the basement" is not an everyday expression. Are you having thoughts about suicide? Are you cutting or otherwise harming yourself? If so, get yourself to a hospital or therapist immediately, and save a life!

Anger like this is often a symptom of depression or bipolar. Bless you!

Giant red flag! "I'll hang myself in the basement" is not an everyday expression. Are you having thoughts about suicide? Are you cutting or otherwise harming yourself? If so, get yourself to a hospital or therapist immediately, and save a life!

 

Anger like this is often a symptom of depression or bipolar. Bless you!

I meant to edit that last part as "extreme exaggeration". My mistake. I don't have thoughts of suicide, nor am I cutting or even remotely contemplating self harm. Sorry for the misunderstanding. My anger stems from childhood. I've always been known to have something of a temper, it's just not acceptable at my age, especially while at work. I've only ever had a handful of headaches in my life, and majority of them have happened in the past few months. It's a bit strange to me. I rarely get sick and have never experienced a cluster headache up until two months ago; an experience I never want to go through again. However, I felt something similar, although very mild in comparison, two days ago.

Interesting you should mention bipolar disease. I wouldn't even know what symptoms to look for, although I think being potentially bipolar may be a long shot. But I won't rule anything out.

 

May I ask, why so anti-therapist?

I've always been more than capable of taking control of my own mind. Even if not at first, I'd eventually take hold of whatever issue there was. If there is something I am unaware of, I prefer to research the problem, find a solution, and fix it myself; unless of course i'm in a situation where I'm mumbling to myself in public and running around naked with a machete. But honestly, I just don't trust anyone with my health. I've never taken a pill, not even a tylenol or advil. I think I was forced to use cough syrup as a kid, but never again. I've never been to the hospital for health related issues, or injury. I'm 31 and have always figured my body and mind out for myself. I refuse to be told what I will more than likely already know. Not to mention, I'll have to pay for this obvious information while being prescribed some sort of medication, which I will never take. I am petrified of pills. I'd rather have Freddy Krueger chase me in my dreams.

take up running.

Your body needs to relieve stress and produce endorphins.

I think you nailed it. I've always been an active participant at various gyms. Weights, mixed martial arts, boxing etc. I've had to take time away from it due to distractions and lack of motivation. But it seems I can't hold off on exercise and proper diet any longer. Those two things have been the only medicine, aside from THC, that I've ever used. I need to get my hands around this issue before I lose it. Exercise would be a great start.

Well I was going to suggest therapy as you sound like a ticking time bomb but I dont want you to hang yourself in the basement. You do sound beyond stressed. Perhaps writing and ranting here will help as there's lots of great listeners for you. Do you think you are having trouble giving up weed and are experiencing withdrawal? I smoked weed for years and didn't have trouble stopping but maybe you do. I hope we can help you before you explode.

Typing this out has been somewhat therapeutic for me. I always appreciate the feed back that I receive, as different perspectives help me with what I may not see. I don't think withdrawal is so much the problem as I've done this before. I tend to cycle on and off for months at a time so as not to make it a bad habit. I just think that getting off the THC now is a horrible time to do so because of all the change that's going on.

I've always been more than capable of taking control of my own mind. Even if not at first, I'd eventually take hold of whatever issue there was. If there is something I am unaware of, I prefer to research the problem, find a solution, and fix it myself; unless of course i'm in a situation where I'm mumbling to myself in public and running around naked with a machete. But honestly, I just don't trust anyone with my health. I've never taken a pill, not even a tylenol or advil. I think I was forced to use cough syrup as a kid, but never again. I've never been to the hospital for health related issues, or injury. I'm 31 and have always figured my body and mind out for myself. I refuse to be told what I will more than likely already know. Not to mention, I'll have to pay for this obvious information while being prescribed some sort of medication, which I will never take. I am petrified of pills. I'd rather have Freddy Krueger chase me in my dreams.

I appreciate that but at the same time, as you can see from this current thread you started, "taking control" of yourself clearly isn't working anymore, right? You mention a bad temper since childhood and still ongoing among a number of other issues, ALL of which have NOT been sorted out - indeed it seems things are escalating. Now you mention cluster headaches - this can be a serious issue and at the very least, you should see a doctor about the headaches.

I know nothing will ever convince you and it seems you have made up your mind, but I feel you need to at least see a GP for a full health check and at least see what the professional diagnosis is and take it from there.

I appreciate that but at the same time, as you can see from this current thread you started, "taking control" of yourself clearly isn't working anymore, right? You mention a bad temper since childhood and still ongoing among a number of other issues, ALL of which have NOT been sorted out - indeed it seems things are escalating. Now you mention cluster headaches - this can be a serious issue and at the very least, you should see a doctor about the headaches.

 

I know nothing will ever convince you and it seems you have made up your mind, but I feel you need to at least see a GP for a full health check and at least see what the professional diagnosis is and take it from there.

True, very true. But I know there are, or has to be some sort of natural remedy. Is it always the case then when we face any sort of mental deficiency, that we seek psychiatry? I've seen several cases of those who go on mental rampages only to cure themselves of it through hard work and dedication.

As for the cluster headaches, I agree in totality that I need to see my family doctor. As previously stated, I have, in my 31 years never experienced anything like it. A full physical is certainly in order and will be making an appointment ASAP.

I care about the well being of my health and have taken pride in knowing that I have yet to experience any physical or mental problem in my lifetime. I have worked hard to keep myself in check, and won't give up now; even in the face of a potential mental break down. I just can't help but wonder what it is that has gotten me to this point. Take today at work for example, I decided to bring an Ipod to work for the first time in my 8 months of employment at this company. I figured music would help me get through the day without any negative thoughts. It definitely helped me get through the day quicker, but thoughts of violence towards coworkers who I despise were predominant. What in the fluckity fluck has happened to me? I would get enraged by mere thoughts. Not even actual occurrences, but thoughts on their own. I've spent a lifetime dealing with my inadequacies and weaknesses by reading, researching and acting on what is necessary to better myself. All of which has made me strong, both mentally and physically, yet here I am, about to potentially lose control. However, one thing I can say as of late, is that typing this out, and having an outside source to converse with(you) has helped me put things into perspective. Somewhat. I will follow up on how my day goes tomorrow. It really is at the point where I have to take this scenario on a day to day basis. Thanks again for listening/reading and providing input. This really does help me more than you know.

If you are not ready to talk to a therapist, then I recommend you do some research about Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. That is the therapy to which a well-trained mental health professional would most likely introduce you in this situation. I can testify that DBT has greatly helped one of my friends who had been struggling with depression and suicidal ideation all of his adult life. When he finally learned DBT through a county mental health program, he became healthier than I had ever known him to be. The developers of DBT recently vastly improved the instructional materials, and I have found them eminently practical and down-to-earth. DBT is not medication. It helps you uncover unhelpful thought patterns, and gives you dozens of tools for healing yourself. It sounds right up your alley. Go Google it!

It has been used successfully with the most intractable mental health situations.