Hurts a lot more then I thought it would

My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me yesterday. It wasn't a bad breakup and it probably was for the best but it still really hurts. In my head I know that it's for the best but in my heart I can't help but want him back. This is my first real, long term relationship. I've been pretty good about NC. I deleted his number, blocked him on social media, deleted old texts and emails and such.

But today, in a moment of weakness, I googled him and came upon an old online dating profile he created. It wasn't filled out but he posted several pictures, some of them recent and all taken while we were together. It said he was last online a couple of months ago. I guess he hasn't been happy in a while and wanted out of our relationship before he finally ended it. But at the tjme of his profile, I thought we were happy, I thought we were good. And now with the possibility that he was talking to other girls, it just adds a whole new layer of hurt to this. I don't understand why he would do that.

How do I cope with this? How do I convince myself that Im better off without him? Everything hurts so much.

Why did he break up with you?

The way you cope with it is to go no contact (no talking, no checking social media, no googling etc). And just try your hardest to carry on with your life. It's cliche but very true that time is the best healer.

He wasn't where he wanted to be in life in terms of his job and everything. I guess he wanted time to get his life in order and I was ready to get married and have kids. He's in his mid 30's and I'm in my late 20's.

The online dating profile issue seems to be all the rage these days. My ex did the same to me (he's almost 30). He sounds like a jerk - he should have told you months ago that he wasn't happy and you guys could have worked toward a solution together. Instead, he was too selfish and had no regard for your feelings.

Trust me when I say, you dodged a bullet with this one!

Good luck..I know you feel awful but just surround yourself with friends/family - people that actually care about your well-being and aren't treating you like a pawn in a chess game.

The online dating profile issue seems to be all the rage these days. My ex did the same to me (he's almost 30). He sounds like a jerk - he should have told you months ago that he wasn't happy and you guys could have worked toward a solution together. Instead, he was too selfish and had no regard for your feelings.

 

Trust me when I say, you dodged a bullet with this one!

 

Good luck..I know you feel awful but just surround yourself with friends/family - people that actually care about your well-being and aren't treating you like a pawn in a chess game.

Do you think I should confront him with this or just let it go at this point? It makes me so angry and so hurt he would look to cheat. Especially because his ex cheated on him, he should know how it makes the other person feel.

No let it go, you are broken up now so what would it solve?

He doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing you are thinking about him. I know it's hard but your best bet is to just stay away and continue no contact. Remember, you deserve much better than him!!

Yes, you guys are right. There's no point. Is it crazy that even though he wanted other girls, i still miss and love him? I wish I could fast forward time to when I'm over this

Amy,

If he hadn't been on in months, doesn't mean he did anything. He had a moment of weakness and perhaps underlined his unhappiness. Just a different thought.

Usually when people break up they've been weaning their way out of the relationship emotionally for a while before they leave you, hence why he signed up for a dating website before ending things with you.Sorry about how you are feeling though ,eventually time heals all wounds..

Yes that's a possibility. His profile wasn't filled out or detailed or anything. But the very fact that he had one to begin with bothers me. Even though we're not together anymore, it still hurts to know he wanted to find someone else.

Yes, you guys are right. There's no point. Is it crazy that even though he wanted other girls, i still miss and love him? I wish I could fast forward time to when I'm over this

 

I know it hurts. I feel the same way...wish I could fast forward in time b/c the emotions and thoughts are so tough to deal with. But, what I've realized is that I just have to experience the pain and live through it. It's amazing how at times like this all the cheesiest sayings make so much sense like "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" and that "time heals all wounds". But they are true. I look forward to the day that I am over this, but until then, I have to try and just sit back and enjoy the ride even though it's bumpy, scary and painful as hell right now. We will get through this. Let him go and accept the end of the relationship and focus on yourself. It's okay to miss him and love him still...I think that's natural and can't be turned off like a switch. But don't let it get out of hand that it prevents you from healing.