What type of relationship is this?

I (female, 31) met this guy (also 31) at a bar while travelling abroad 7 months ago. He approached me in the bar he was working at, we had a good chat then were in contact over facebook/whatsapp. Nothing had happened between us at this stage.

He is from America and I live in Europe. He spent a few months in Europe last Summer. We were in contact every day over text, he always initiated. He came to visit me in my city, but I paid for the flight because he had no money and said he would pay me back later. He stayed with me for 5 days. We did sleep together, but he wasn't coupley with me, no pda, etc.

After he went back to the country he was staying in for the Summer, he stayed in contact with me, saying he really enjoyed visiting me. He went back to America in September.

Once he was back, he kept texting and one point asked me if I wanted to come over. I had actually already planned a trip to America for other reasons. But, in the meanwhile, he told me that didn't like the way I dressed when he visited me. I stopped responding to his texts and focused on my plans.

On the day I landed in America, he texted me asking who was picking me up from the aiport. Turns out nobody was, so he came to pick me up. We kissed and went out for drinks that night. He said I was beautiful. We went for dinner with his guy friend, and he would hug me and kiss me in front of his friend, and say how happy he was to see me. Later, we had sex and because I had lost my friends address where I was meant to stay, we went back to his place but were not close there, and in the morning we had to be very silent whilst leaving (he was sharing the appartment with a girl friend he has slept with in the past).

The next day, we went for dinner, and the day after we spent the day together at the beach. That evening, he was going away to some other city and told.me I should go with him and his friend. So I did. We got a night bus and travelled for hours.

Once we arrived in the other place, his friend went his way, and we went to find me a hotel room. We went to a football game together and it was great fun. He had his arm around me a lot, and afterwards would hold my hand on the way out and around town as we went to get some food.

Then he left me at the hotel and went back to his place (he was staying with his parents).

The next day, we rented a car which I paid for because he had no money and while picking it up, he asked me if I minded his mother joined us for our two day road trip. I said no, so we picked her up. We went away for two days. I shared a room with his mom, and he slept in another room with his dog. We droce back the next day. He dropped his mom off, then me at the hotel. He came up to my room. I gave him oral sex because I was on my period so couldn't have sex. He left right afterwards. During the trip we found a really cool old car we wanted to buy so startes talking about it.

The next morning, he took me to visit some other place (just us). While doing this, he told me he liked me but thought I was weird, as in I am naive, and giggle for nothing and stuff that isn't funny sometimes. We went back to the hotel, gave him oral sex again. He then told me he would pick me up later to go for ice cream. He arrived in the rental car we were meant to hand in that night, with his 10 yr old nephew in the back. He introduced me and had me help his nephew with homework. We then went for ice cream. Hia nephew told him he really liked me, that I was nice and pretty.

We handed the car back and got a taxi nack into town. He kissed me good night as we got to my hotel and said he would drive me to the airport the next day, but that if he wasn't there on time I should get a taxi.

He ended up calling me an hour earlier than planned the next morning and dropped me off at the airport very early.

The next few texts were not overly.positive. once I got back, the exchanges weren't so good either as in texts were short.

We.kept talking about buying the car. I wired him money to buy it, and he got a relative to lend him the other half.

Then I found out he was going to Europe for some friends 25th wesding anniversary and would stay for a week. I asked if he would visit me and he said he might not be able to this time around.

Then he texted me every day, morning and night once he was over this side of the pond. He skyped me a few times, and said he really liked me but that time is relative and we should keep in contact to get to know each other better becore deciding to label the relationship.

He talked about trying to visit me, but all optioms I suggested were turned down: either because it was too expensive, or because the dates didn't work... FYI he was an hour flight away.

In the end, he spent two weeks in Europe. I suggested going to visit him on the last weekend he was here but then he said he already had plans to go on a bike tour.

He flew back a few days later and said he felt bad about leaving without seeing me, but that I should go visit him in America the following week or so. I said I would love to and started making plans. He then said that in fact he would be too busy so maybe not a good idea for me to visit after all.

I didn't respond. He sent me messages saying he wants to see me, but that he has no money right now, and that we both want the same thing, but it will have to wait a few months because he is going back to work now and wants to concentrate on work, make some money and be in a stable place before we make any plans. Then, a few days later, he called me to talk. He said he liked me a lot, that he brought his mum and nephew along to test me and see how I got along with them, and that he liked what he saw.

He said he had no problem waiting 4-5 months before seeing me again, and that he doesn't want to rush into anything with me because when you do, you risk ruining things.

He has been in touch regularly since. Keeps asking me to share pics of my life with him,.keeps saying he likes me.

About the car: nothing purchased at this point.

What do you all think?

I believe he is honest, and am willing to wait for him.

Sounds like a "relationship" of convenience. If you're around he'll see you, sleep with you and hand out when he's bored. I could of course be wrong, but that's where my gut takes me.

BTW, did he ever pay you back for the flight you paid for him? If not, make sure you get your money back.

There is no relationship. Why did you send him money for a car??

No, he hasn't paid me back yet. Right now he is working a lot and trying to find his own place to live in, and get some financial stability.

We both love old cars, and found a very rare one. We thought we would buy it, renovate it and sell it afterwards.

I think he conned you for money and blow jobs. Funny how he's got no money for flights or outings or an old car. I really believe you are being used.

You'd be better off finding someone where you live who has means to support himself and doesnt need to borrow money from you.

Girl, you are being used to the max! You pay for a flight (which he promises to pay you back, but doesn't), he send him money for a car, he gets sex when he wants it. You've been conned. Dump this dude - the sooner the better.

We both love old cars, and found a very rare one. We thought we would buy it, renovate it and sell it afterwards.

And you have paperwork acknowledging either the loan or the fact that you own half the car right?

No paperwork in place. It was a bank transfer to his account.

Honestly, you are never seeing that car or that money again.

For some reason a part of me believes him and trusts him when he says he wants to make money, to be in a position to then spend time with me with no pressure and have money to do stuff with me, and trusts him when he says he really likes me, and always loves talking to me.

That part of you is not rational. Everything he does says that he does not want to spend time with you.

Basically, at this point, anythng that happens, you've done to yourself.

You've been taken for a ride and you won't see your money or car again. Best thing to do at this point is learn from this massive mistake and never do this again, ever. Move on and whatever you do, do NOT send him anymore money/gifts etc etc.

Yikes...bright red flags are flying all around you, and you're not catching onto any one of them!

Let me tell you the short version of what you wrote, maybe something clicks for you and see you've been used in a very nasty way:

He comes to visit you but you pay for the visit. He isn't even affectionate with you.

He tells you he doesn't like the way you dress, and yet you plan a trip to America. Stop lying to us (or to yourself?), you didn't go there to visit a friend, you went to see him. Had you gone to visit your friend, you wouldn't have conveniently "lost" her address, and then I see no mention of said friend in your story.

Upon visiting, you find out he is sharing an apartment with an ex girlfriend. You still stay.

You go for a 2-day trip and you pay for the rental car; while on this trip he tells you that you're naïve and weird, and yet you give him oral sex, and later on you help his nephew with his homework. He starts planting the seed about wanting to buy a new car.

You finally go home and send him half the money to buy a car (that never gets bought)

Next you find out he's coming to Europe but has no time to see you. He refuses to fly the one hour, and he doesn't want you to go see him either.

He wants to take it slowly (but not when it comes to sex, or borrowing money from you).

And you think he's honest and are willing to wait for him.

Is this a troll post? Because if you're serious, you really need some help. Tell your parents what you've been doing and how you've been throwing money out the window to support a stranger who doesn't want anything with you, maybe they can talk some sense into you?

Or, if you have so much money you don't know what to do with, you can wire some to me?

Lol...seriously, open your eyes and wake up! You are being used so badly it's just hard to fathom how come you can't see it.

I believe he is honest, and am willing to wait for him.

I believe that your gut is causing you anxiety because deep down, you know you've been taken. Sorry that you allowed this to happen to you. Hopefully it wasn't a very large amount of money that he hood-winked you out of.

Anyway: When was the last time you heard from him?

LadyLady....I may be a bit out of line for saying this, but are you playing with us?

I see nothing in your thread that reads "relationship" .... just a guy who will use you for whatever he can. Companionship, sex, money, someone to drive his nephew and mum about! He doesn't want to label it a relationship because he doesn't want a relationship. He just wants to reap the benefits of one plus whatever else he can get from you. Please don't send him any more money or pay for any more flights! Just think about it, everything you've done benefits him. You paid for his flight to Europe, you paid for the car that ferried his mum and nephew about and now you've given him money to buy him a car!!!! However, when you suggest meeting up or whatever he makes excuses not to see you.

You are a means to an end or as Capricorn put it, it is a "relationship" of convenience.

For some reason a part of me believes him and trusts him when he says he wants to make money, to be in a position to then spend time with me with no pressure and have money to do stuff with me, and trusts him when he says he really likes me, and always loves talking to me.

Words are cheap. Actions speak louder than words .... and, so far, everything you have done has been on his terms and of much benefit to him.

What type of relationship is this?

Seriously, you have to ask this???? (Jaw drops, smacks forehead) Okay, I'll tell you what "type" of relationship this is. It's the "I have found a sucker who will whip out her checkbook and buy things for me when I pull the sad song - Gosh, I have no money, but only if someone would buy stuff for me while I lie through my teeth about paying them back" "When I'm in town you're my booty call in a port and as soon as I know I've gotten what I need from you I am back to ignoring you...until the next time."

In other words, you are getting conned big time and he will continue to do it as long as you let him. After you're broke, your credit ruined and he's moved on to another victim you might wise up. But I doubt it.

Just for the love of Pete, do NOT hop into any vans if men pull up telling you they'll take you on a ride to a new puppy or new car. Seriously, you are a walking target for every schmoozing con man out there. You will never see that money or car again, but you will see him when he needs money for something else. Expect him to demand you buy him a house next and if you do that as much as I hate to say it you will then be a glutton for punishment.

Go get some therapy to find out why you value yourself so little that you're willing to open your purse strings in spite of major red flags everywhere and no proof he's trustworthy beyond your hunger to paint a fairytale that doesn't exist while missing the fact he's only chatting you up to get to your pocketbook. The sex is just an added benefit--for him.

Oh, this is such an aggravating post. I don't even have the patience to list down all the red flags.

I'm really sorry if this sounds rude, but are you really so blind as to believe his lies?

How could you be so foolish. Shaking head.

You pay for tickets, rentals, rooms and a car. He also gets sex without any sort of commitment, and throws numerous insults in for fun.

Wake up!!!!! He is a loser and user, and you will never see that money again!

You seriously need to gain some self respect! DO NOT loan men money and be so willing to accommodate and visit. This guy does not care about you, and will continue to use, if you allow it.

Please seek some counseling to improve yourself worth and boundaries.

What type of relationship is this?

Parasitic.

This has to be a troll. No one could be this naive.

It sounds like you're being used, OP. Please don't give into this guy anymore or buy him anything further.

If at some point he pays you back all the money he owes, and is adamant about wanting to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with you, then you can consider whether you want to give him the time of day.

As it stands currently, it sounds like a toxic, unhealthy, uncommitted relationship based strictly on convenience and gifts (for him).

You're basically his sugar momma.

Him giving you hints that you two could have a relationship one day - that's his way of making SURE you stay put and don't go anywhere. And it's working because you're willing to wait for him.

By the way, it's very unlikely the girl he's living with (you know, the one he was trying to hide you from) is not just an ex.