pregnant fiance wants space and maybe end it

Hello all, and firstly apologies if this is in the wrong forum.

I've been engaged since August and we found out that my partner is pregnant a couple of weeks later. She used to be on a high dosage of anti depressants but had to come off them as soon as we found out. So her moods have been very low and things between us are quite fractious at times. Last night we had an argument and she kicked me out of her house (well she lives with her parents still) and made me go back to mine (I also still live at home but spend most my nights at hers). We were meant to be going to view our wedding reception venue today (we get married in 2017) and last night the plan was that id pick her up and we'd go, along with both our parents. However this morning she sent me this message "I cannot go and look at the venue with you, you still go with your parents. Tell Michelle (the wedding venue organiser) I've been taken ill. At this precise moment in time I do not know if I want to marry you. I need some space. I will see you on Wednesday, if you'd still like to come to your baby's scan. xx"

I'm terrified that she's going to end it. Do I leave her alone until Wednesday? I messaged her back but have had no reply all day. My mate os dragging me out tonight so I'm not at home, but I don't feel like I should be out enjoying myself!! She is my world and without her I'm nothing. Can anyone advise me what to do? She has acted in similar ways before and we've worked things out bit she's never said that she doesn't want to marry me before!!

Hello all, and firstly apologies if this is in the wrong forum.

I've been engaged since August and we found out that my partner is pregnant a couple of weeks later. She used to be on a high dosage of anti depressants but had to come off them as soon as we found out. So her moods have been very low and things between us are quite fractious at times. Last night we had an argument and she kicked me out of her house (well she lives with her parents still) and made me go back to mine (I also still live at home but spend most my nights at hers). We were meant to be going to view our wedding reception venue today (we get married in 2017) and last night the plan was that id pick her up and we'd go, along with both our parents. However this morning she sent me this message "I cannot go and look at the venue with you, you still go with your parents. Tell Michelle (the wedding venue organiser) I've been taken ill. At this precise moment in time I do not know if I want to marry you. I need some space. I will see you on Wednesday, if you'd still like to come to your baby's scan. xx"

I'm terrified that she's going to end it. Do I leave her alone until Wednesday? I messaged her back but have had no reply all day. My mate os dragging me out tonight so I'm not at home, but I don't feel like I should be out enjoying myself!! She is my world and without her I'm nothing. Can anyone advise me what to do? She has acted in similar ways before and we've worked things out bit she's never said that she doesn't want to marry me before!!

Maybe you could work this out too. But it seems very sudden.She has always been like that?

I would shelve all wedding plans and not waste time looking at venues. Nor putting down deposits. Since you are both living at home....bag the fancy wedding. You can go down to the courthouse. Your goal now is to save for the upcoming birth and hospital bills and getting a place to live. Or, if she breaks up with you, child support payments.

She has told me to leave her alone and get out of the house etc in the past, and said things like "at this rate the wedding isn't going to happen and I'm better going through this pregnancy alone" but as I've said, we always worked them out, but this just seems totally different

I would shelve all wedding plans and not waste time looking at venues. Nor putting down deposits. Since you are both living at home....bag the fancy wedding. You can go down to the courthouse. Your goal now is to save for the upcoming birth and hospital bills and getting a place to live. Or, if she breaks up with you, child support payments.

Luckily we don't get the hospital fees over here in the UK! But on the wedding front we are getting a lot of financial help from both families so we will be ok on that front. I don't want to think about splitting up haha, I want to get advice on how to keep her!!!

She is a pregnant woman off her meds. This is a difficult time. I would give her space and be there for the baby scan.

Luckily we don't get the hospital fees over here in the UK! But on the wedding front we are getting a lot of financial help from both families so we will be ok on that front. I don't want to think about splitting up haha, I want to get advice on how to keep her!!!

I would put all the wedding plans on hold. And don’t have a wedding that you can’t afford to pay yourself, but that is just my personal view.

I would put all the wedding plans on hold. And don’t have a wedding that you can’t afford to pay yourself, but that is just my personal view.

I'm sorry but I don't really want to talk about finances on here but we have already got alot of money saved up, but the parents said they can help us so we can put the money into baby bits etc and on renting a place (which we have budgeted for as we are sensible people in that sense).

She has told me to leave her alone and get out of the house etc in the past, and said things like "at this rate the wedding isn't going to happen and I'm better going through this pregnancy alone" but as I've said, we always worked them out, but this just seems totally different

If it keeps happening, you haven't worked it out.

Don't waste any time or money on the wedding, and ideally don't go through with it unless she shows some mental stability for a good long while after the birth... at least a year. In the meantime, time and money should be spent on joint and/or individual counselling.

If parents are willing to help with the wedding, ask them to help with more important things instead. A big reason for the high divorce rate is people spending so much time and money on frivolous things like big weddings and never spend a single dime or a single minute on resources such as counselling or couples courses.

Good luck.

If it keeps happening, you haven't worked it out.

 

Don't waste any time or money on the wedding, and ideally don't go through with it unless she shows some stability for a god long while after the birth... at least a year. In the meantime, time and money should be spent on joint and/or individual counselling.

 

Good luck.

I have actually seen a councillor about my own feelings as when she first told me about the baby I was mentally VERY unstable and I wasn't in a good place, but I seem better now and feel a lot calmer and happier, but I don't think she would go along with councilling as she has seen one for years for her mental health and they never helped her much. I'm just hoping that I will see her on Wednesday, hold her hand while shes having the scan, show her I'm there for her and that everything is going to be ok. maybe she's worried about something showing on the scan? (she has been told the tablets she was on for her illness could affect the baby), so maybe shes stressing about that? I really don't know. I just want us to be happy again. I love her so much, and I know we could be the perfect little family when bubba arrives. I just don't know if these 3 days of ''space'' is going to make her think she doesn't want me, rather than make her feel that she does need me?!

Relationship counselling is very different from mental health counselling. I would never be with someone who would refuse counselling or any other resource that could help the relationship. Some people want to self-sabotage and be unhappy. It's their way of not taking responsibility. They are not for me. Consider if such a person is for you.

If so, you seem to be on your own so all you can do is respect her wishes and give her space. Maybe send ONE single message to that effect. You love and care about her and are showing that by respecting her request. Ignore any other contact. And accept that this will never stop happening with this woman, and that your chances of a happy relationship that sets a good example for your child is virtually zero, unless some serious work is done by the both of you, and that work remains ongoing.