Wife shopping with male coworker

I need some advice, my wife came home last night and said she and her coworker Steve went out shopping at lunch time to buy Christmas items to decorate their cubicles.

This is the same guy who in the summer asked her out for a drink after work, she politely said it would be best if we went out in a group and not alone.

But she did ask me that evening how I would feel about the two of them going out together after work For a drink and I said no, it's not a good idea and wouldn't do it either.

My wife has gone out with him and two other ladies three times in the last 5 months, and I am cool with that.

I think my wife gets a little flirty with Steve as she said they were IMing made up cuss words one day, and when they see each other they say F you to each other and flip each other off.

I pretty sure Steve has been paying for her drinks and meal when they go out, but my wife said that isn't the case.

Anyhow, since we agreed that drinks after work between the two of them was not ok what do you think about the shopping? My wife does hide some things from me, back in March I had to go out of town over the weekend for business, 3 months later she told me that on a Friday night she had to take him to his house drop off his car and then take him to a shop to pick up a car by our house that he was having serviced, that bothered me that she didn't tell me right away.

My concerns are, what's next? We are fighting about this right now, she told me awhile back that "he speaks my language" and it seems we hardly text during the day anymore because the work relationship is taking that away from me.

I love my wife, is this just me? Are my concerns valid or is it just me being jealous?

She is headed down a slippery slope. Google "Emotional Affair" and read up on what it appears, from your Opening Post what is going down. Even if there is no emotional feelings of the romantic kind, she is spending a lot of time with someone who has obviously found her attractive and is trying to bond with her. Asking her out one on one for drinks after work is a little over the top when he knows she is married.

I suspect that your wife is arguing that he's just a friend and that you're being controlling and overly jealous. Print out what you've found when you google Emotional affair if any of it looks similar to what your wife and this man are up to and then just let her read. Try to have a calm and sincere discussion with her about how their interaction is making you feel and that you hope that she can understand why it would make you feel that way. No sense asking her how she would feel if you were going out one on one and texting another woman that you spend 8 hours everyday with, after work because she will just tell you that she would be fine with it because what she is doing is innocent... well, it may very well be for her, but it clearly is not for him (since he wants to date her one on one) and by hanging with him, she is giving him the wrong impression and is hurting you in the process by giving him that degree of attention.

Good luck, I hope she can see where this "friendship" is getting slippery.

It's unacceptable and inappropriate.

She would know he's into her, and she's playing on that, and encouraging it. Remind her of her marriage vows.

Thank you for the input, I am concerned about the emotional part, and she has even said that he has bad teeth, really? To make me feel better. I have never been invited to their after work get together's either, it would be nice to meet the man who she says is not attracted to her and is single.

Thanks for the input, it's greatly appreciated.

He is waiting for a slip up..Wouldnt be surprised if she actually talks about your arguments with him.

find it weird how his car had issues when you went out of town, and didnt mention it to you at all...

she is probably not telling you the full story on everything...

If I wasn't attracted to my co-worker, there is no way I'd be out shopping with her to dress up my cubicle with chirstmas stuff.

How old is your wife?

My wife is 45, flirty and very outgoing, when we went out last night she saddled up to the bar right between two guys and I had to stand behind her while she chatted with the gents, all the time while I was fuming about the shopping trip she had told me about.

For this very reason alone I know couples who have rules where neither of them are allowed out on one to one dates with single members of the opposite sex, you need to point out to her calmly how innapropriate this is. I agree with others that this is already an emotional affair, and the party season is almost upon us. Lord only knows what plans he has for that, but knock it on the head right now and tell her if she sees him alone your marriage will be over. The tw@t was probably buying mistletoe for his cubicle, perhaps try and be present with her at parties and get togethers?

Wifey seems to be acting single. Has she always been like this?

I am concerned about she is telling Steve, if she was telling him about our arguments I would really be upset, now here's the kicker, we just got married 6 weeks ago and I am having to deal with this so early in our marriage?

Its not too late to get it annulled. She is acting.single. How long have you been together?

My wife is 45, flirty and very outgoing, when we went out last night she saddled up to the bar right between two guys and I had to stand behind her while she chatted with the gents, all the time while I was fuming about the shopping trip she had told me about.

Oh, there is no way that would happen to me. Op: I think it's time you started to stop enabling some of her actions by keeping good personal boundaries in place and letting her know, what relationship boundaries are important to you.

Is this your first marriage and how long had you dated her before marrying? Surely long enough to discover that she is a over-the-top attention queen/flirter?

I have never been invited to any of her get together's, any where she works they do research and development so it's off limits to outsiders,....and she did say her employer had a strict sexual harrasment policy but.....her and Steve had already violated it!

How have they violated it? He isn't harassing her. She is flirting with him.

Is this the same guy from your previous thread?

I have never been invited to any of her get together's, any where she works they do research and development so it's off limits to outsiders,....and she did say her employer had a strict sexual harrasment policy but.....her and Steve had already violated it!

Again: How long did you actually know her/date her before you married her? Was she like this during your courtship? If she was, I wonder why you married her while she was obviously not with the same relationship boundaries/respect as yourself. Love really shouldn't be the only reason to marry someone.

This is my second marriage, first one was for 30 years, my wife and I just got married 6 weeks ago. This is her third, her last husband committed suicide, he was a really abusive alcoholic, and because my wife was so controlled I think she feels like she can do anything now which is not right.

Good point about our personal boundaries, we dated for two years before marrying, and we did have issues about boundaries previously, so shame on me I guess.

Yes it is the same guy, yes she is flirting with him no question about that.

You posted about this guy last May. And apparently decided to still go thru with the wedding. Perhaps it is time to book another counseling session.

My wife is 45, flirty and very outgoing, when we went out last night she saddled up to the bar right between two guys and I had to stand behind her while she chatted with the gents, all the time while I was fuming about the shopping trip she had told me about.

mhowe, that would be a counseling session for me, my wife said these are all my issues.

Her actions are not "your issues". She is acting single.

I am very unclear why you married her knowing that Steve would be a part of your marriage. And I sincerely doubt she.plans on changing.

I would.look into an annulment.

How do you feel about annulment? This clearly was never a real marriage to begin with. She's acting like a single woman.

An annulment has crossed my mind, my wife thinks in this situation that I am being controlling, but it's just having good boundaries in place that I want to have. She puts me into a real guilt trip ,saying things like I will never go out with another human being at work again and stuff like that, it's so childish.