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Dating a Married Man


BrandiM

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I met him 8 years ago. He was engaged prior to me. We had a strong physical attraction. We emotionally challenged each other. We were on-and-off for what seems like forever. He married his ex. They have a family now. He's been married for at least 4 years and all the while, he and I have been seeing each other when I come back to town to visit.

 

Within the last year it has seemed like he has only wanted an online flirtation with me. Now, he says he's done. I'm so heartbroken and don't want to let go.

 

He's been my only relationship for 8 years. He knows everything about me. I'm so into him and what we were. I don't know how to let go.

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I'm so heartbroken and don't want to let go.

 

You can't let go" of someone who wasn't yours to begin with. He's married, therefore the only person he's in a relationship with is his wife.

 

I would begin to let go by setting my standards at a higher level, and placing a higher price tag on myself. Have you thought of seeking therapy in order to help you understand why you would settle for so little?

 

I hope you find your way...

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Your standards are rather low to be a mistress.

 

WHY?

 

That's issue #1.

 

He is his wifes and chances are bunch of other girls as well.

 

My best advice, get STD test, look in the mirror and re evaluate yourself. You are troubled and engaging into relationship with troubled person as well.

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Count your blessings. You have a broken heart, yet SO MUCH to be grateful for in this turn of events. Dating a married person will ruin you if you continue it long enough, even AFTER the person divorces their spouse (if they even do).

 

I speak from experience. I hate myself and I'm a broken mess from it.

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It is time to walk away for good. You need to go complete n/c, I know that seems impossible but take it day by day and you will get stronger. In time you might want to address how and why you got into this situation, so as to avoid repeating it.

 

And to some of the posters above, a bit harsh, non? This is "eNOTalone" after all.

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There was no relationship and nothing to let go of, as you were simply a piece of a$$.

 

You need to dig deep to understand why you would think this was any sort of relationship, and why it was OK to be sleeping with an attached man - this includes when they were dating.

 

You really need to think more of yourself, and others. So selfish!!!!!

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I'm so into him and what we were. .

 

You were lovers, nothing more. What you "had" was so far from beautiful and worth cherishing, it's not even funny. You saw a wonderful, romantic relationship, he saw a way to dip his penis into several vaginas, one of which was yours. Is this what you're having trouble letting go of? Because this is exactly what it was, if you take the frills and the skilled words he used out of the picture. The sad truth is that he didn't like you (never mind love you!) enough to want a committed relationship with you, he just used you as entertainment, and now discarded you because he doesn't want to jeopardize his relationship with the only woman that matters to him - his wife. Doesn't this make you angry? This should be enough to help you move on!

So stop living in a fantasy, because it has nothing to do with reality. You wasted a huge portion of your life being this guy's toy, don't you think you damaged yourself enough?

I can't wrap my head around the fact that you were still able to sustain your "relationship" with him even after he married his fiancée. Didn't that tell you that you meant nothing to him? I could maybe understand sticking around while they were engaged, in hopes he'd end his engagement and be with you instead. It's wrong, but I can still understand it. But why did you stick around for 4 more years after he married her, beats me. If he had any type of feelings for you, he wouldn't have married her, you know that right? Marrying her should have sent you running...and yet, you stayed until he got bored of you and kicked you to the curb!

Stay single for a while and work on yourself, try to rebuild your self esteem which must be at its lowest, learn to love yourself and pray that karma doesn't come back to bite you in the butt when you finally find someone to marry.

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i think you stayed in this situation for so long because you hoped that maybe he would leave his wife for you.

 

In most of these situations the guy won't suddenly wake up and realize that you have been the one for him all along. Maybe you got caught up in the fantasy of the whole thing when in reality you was only going to be his bit on the side.

 

I'm sure you deserve better than to be a man's bit on the side. You need to re-evaluate your morals and standards and also you need to have respect for yourself and know your self-worth as a woman.

 

Take some time out to find yourself as a person, therapy could help you understand why you stayed in this situation for so long.

 

I hope some day you too can believe that you are worth more. I wish you the best of luck.

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You need to wake up and smarten up. He was never yours and he won't be yours. You have wasted 8 good years on a MARRIED man. If he really had wanted to be with you he would have been. Find someone who is available.

 

Even if it "would have been" chances are high he would have a woman on the side anyways. So even best case scenario sounds quite unappealing.

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Even if it "would have been" chances are high he would have a woman on the side anyways. So even best case scenario sounds quite unappealing.

 

Exactly. Men who cheat with you will cheat on you. I don't understand people who think that "yeah my partner is cheating with me, but if I'm with them, it will be different". Uh, no it won't. Maybe he will be faithful for a while but when he gets bored again, he'll be out looking because hey, it worked in the past!

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Talk about a miss labeled title for a thread.

 

Dating a married man? You were having sex with a married man when you passed through his town. That is all it was to him so what is there to let go of? Your imagined relationship? It wasn't real so it should be easy to let go of.

 

I am sure you can find a man that will have sex with you with no commitments pretty easily that will replace this guy.

 

Lost

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He's been my only relationship for 8 years. He knows everything about me. I'm so into him and what we were. I don't know how to let go.

I am sure you must have had a strong connection too. That kind of was missing in your post.

 

Listen he is a married man, who has a family, end of story, over and done. You have wasted enough time, go and do something exciting and useful in your life.

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I don't know how to let go.

 

What have you done so far?

Do you have friends? Family? Work that you enjoy?

 

My recommendation to you is the same as I'd tell anyone in a bad place: exercise, make social connections, volunteer, shake up your life, and if you can't seem to get going on any of those things, see a therapist for help and possibly meds.

 

And definitely do some heavy introspection to figure out why you spent eight years with someone who kept you at arm's length the entire time. What has occurred in your life that you felt this was an acceptable situation?

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Does that really surprise you?

 

*He was engaged before he met you, now he's married

 

*He never made future plans to be with you. You were a fling who grew attached - like a parasite. Unfortunately for you, you had hopes that he would eventually be just yours. He never was.

 

*You were just a nice way to get sex and power without ruining his marriage directly

 

*You're nothing more than a random annoyance to him at this point.

 

simply move on and learn never to get involved with a married man again

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