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I [29] have not met my boyfriend's [34] friends yet.


Guacamolesauce

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Hi, hopefully some of you can give me some advice as I'm currently feeling like I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together officially I'd say about 6 months. he has met the majority of my friends and we go out with them almost every weekend. He's welcome at every gathering we have and last weekend all of us actually went camping. He's being included all the way. I on the other hand have not met any of his friends officially aside from the occasional run in, where you chat briefly but that's it. Always a bit awkward because I basically stand next to him and listen to him chit chat briefly. I have met 2 that way and they seem very nice. People I'd like to meet and get to know better. I gave him the green light to let me meet them about 2 months ago and aside from hearing "you'll meet them soon" I have not met a single one. I have brought up how I'd like to meet them and I want to get to know that aspect of his life. The more I felt things weren't moving the more I told him that it's important to me and that he's fully included in my life. Usually what I'll hear is that his friends aren't like my friends and they don't plan to hang out. It's a sort of, 'see if they are hanging out at this place and join if you want' situation. Ok I can deal with that but I have not heard him say once to go see if they are hanging out and that we should atop by. The bar is in our neighborhood and he has invited me on several walks. However I wasn't aware that that evidently would be the only way to meet them, since he never specifically mentioned that that was the goal. I'm just so confused by it. If I don't bring this up it's never mentioned. He has texted some before but with no luck. This has been 2 months, I feel like it shouldn't be so hard to meet up... And if it's spontaneous even. I feel there's no effort and it makes me really sad. Today he got angry at me for harping on it. What I got as an answer again was that it would happen soon and that they work differently, meet spontaneously. I told him I'm done accepting that answer and that it's becoming shady and he didn't try to make me feel better but got angry. Am I being overly sensitive? Is this normal? I've never felt like chasing friends in previous relationships. I'd love if you could give me your honest opinions.

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You are not only being overly sensitive...you are being accusatory and rude.

 

How are you supposed to casually run into his friends when you see your friends every weekend?

 

He has his way of hanging out...you have yours. You make plans...his friends show up at a local watering hole.

 

I think you owe him an apology.

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I agree with you.

 

He is not including you in his life. This would be a big red flag for me. Have you met any family members?

 

I don't think he sees you as long term, or he would include you in every aspect.

 

You do not owe him an apology. I would rethink this relationship.

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Are you sure your boyfriend really has any close friends or are these more acquaintances? He may be embarrassed to admit he doesn't really have close friends, but rather people who will simply let him join in if he should walk into the bar when they're there. And that he may be hiding that from you or feel like he would be perceived as less if he admitted to you these aren't really close friends at all.

 

When you bumped into his friends did he introduce you to them or did he ignore you altogether, acting as if you weren't even there. Ever think of just saying, "Hi, I'm Guac, BF's girlfriend. I'm so glad to meet you." Then just striking up a conversation with them all? That would probably get you a lot further and maybe then they'd extend an invite to you all to hang out. Or the next time you walk past the bar tell him you're thirsty and want a drink, then haul him along into the bar.

 

In short, you may have to push the issue a bit and it may well be he doesn't have close friends the way you do. And is embarrassed about it. If he tried to line up get-togethers before and they all sort of rejected him that definitely doesn't help him. It may also be he is afraid you won't like his friends or maybe he's trying to distance himself from them and that's why he's been so happy to hang out with your friends. They're a better crowd. Lord knows I've done that when I was easing away from old college friends still more interested in partying than I was. I've also had times in my life where my friends were limited to work acquaintances and that was the only "friends" I could even say were in my life, but not really.

 

What about his family? Any mention of them, are they local? How does he treat you otherwise? Do you go out together? Does he publicly acknowledge you in other ways like telling your friends you're his girlfriend or talking to them, is he on social media? There's a lot I don't know about this and I think you need to take step back and evaluate overall whether this is him say trying to hide from his circle of friends that he even has a girlfriend or if it's that maybe these friends aren't really that close, more likely friendly acquaintances. And he's kind of embarrassed about that.

 

Maybe you could host a party and invite your friends and tell him to invite some people? Ask him if that would be okay. If he says no to all of this and is hiding you on purpose from people you can see or know he's close to then I would see that as a red flag and I'd walk. But before you go that route take the time to really assess if he even really has friends and what his actions are when you do bump into them.

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I don't get it. You spend every weekend with your friends and he's with you for these events. What social life of his do you feel you're missing out of? I sounds like you and his friends are pretty much the extent of his regular social circle.

 

Are you upset he hasn't scheduled a "Hey, everyone meet my girlfriend" bash?

 

I mean, if you wanna be mad at him because he doesn't have friends he regularly hangs out with, I suppose you could be. But that's what it's sounding like it would have to be here.

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I'm being rude for wanting to meet his friends? How am I being accusotory? I bring him along to every friend event I have. I never leave him out. Lots of weekends are spent that way, however that does not mean I would not want to spend time with his friends instead. Yes they meet spontaneously and that's fine. You don't think after 6 months it would be nice for him to suggest going to this local waterhole to meet them? Please consider what you say before you write it. What do I owe him an apology for if I may ask?

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I'm being rude for wanting to meet his friends? How am I being accusotory? I bring him along to every friend event I have. I never leave him out. Lots of weekends are spent that way, however that does not mean I would not want to spend time with his friends instead. Yes they meet spontaneously and that's fine. You don't think after 6 months it would be nice for him to suggest going to this local waterhole to meet them? Please consider what you say before you write it. What do I owe him an apology for if I may ask?

 

Telling him he's being shady! As another.poster .mentioned....he may not have a circle of friends. And if he did...your weekends are taken up with your friends.

 

I did consider what I wrote before I wrote it. Its a habit of mine. And I think you owe him an apology.

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Seems pretty silly to be mad about this. It sounds like his friends are not close friends, just some buddies he hangs out with when he goes to the bar. He may be feeling like you have great friends and he doesn't and now you are punishing him for not having that type of friendship.

 

If he has family that live locally and you haven't met them, then I would be more worried about that.

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Thank you! He may not have any friends that are close. It misleads me when he tells me I'll meet them and specifically says they are close. I'd prefer he just be honest. I'm not pressuring him here at least I'm not trying. I brought it up a couple of times in 2 months. It feels normal to me to get introduced but you're right maybe there's more at play. He treats me well otherwise. His family is not in our state and contact wise it's been basically the same. I never spoke to them.

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Seems that everyone thinks it's super strange to want to meet the people in your partners life slowly. I'm talking 6 months not 6 days btw. Also yes I've included him in my circle, we do a lot and that's great. However he still sees his friends. Not a ton but once a week, once every 2 weeks. Super silly to want to meet them? I don't get it.

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Seems that everyone thinks it's super strange to want to meet the people in your partners life slowly. I'm talking 6 months not 6 days btw. Also yes I've included him in my circle, we do a lot and that's great. However he still sees his friends. Not a ton but once a week, once every 2 weeks. Super silly to want to meet them? I don't get it.

 

Something smells fishy....there's a reason for not involving you in his entire life and only he knows why. After 6 months together with no contact from anyone in his life (friends/family), you're right to question why.

 

Whats more concerning is that whether he doesn't want to admit he doesn't have friends to you, or is hiding something....in both scenarios he is is currently lying to you.

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I mean no disrespect but I feel like you're a bit hard on me. I'm not demanding anything. I'm only asking him sometimes because he has told me that he wanted to do it. I think after 6 months it's fair to say the time is right to meet everyone. I don't know about you personally but when would you start to feel strange about your partner not including you? You focus on the word shady quite a bit. I never called him as a person shady, only how his behavior made me feel. That I felt that specifically was shady.

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Thank you for understanding. I was starting to feel like I somehow am on a different planet than everyone else. If his friends aren't as close to him as mine are to me, that's fine. But from what he says, they are. I understand if someone is embarrassed about not having close friends or even embarrassed about certain friends, but he vehemently denies it. That's not his reason. You're right, it's odd. I'm not clingy, I'm not suspicious by nature but I have had relationships before and have not felt this way.

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I mean no disrespect but I feel like you're a bit hard on me. I'm not demanding anything. I'm only asking him sometimes because he has told me that he wanted to do it. I think after 6 months it's fair to say the time is right to meet everyone. I don't know about you personally but when would you start to feel strange about your partner not including you? You focus on the word shady quite a bit. I never called him as a person shady, only how his behavior made me feel. That I felt that specifically was shady.

 

He was the one who said you were harping on this, yet you appear to see it as concern. Personally, i think that people will involve you in their circle when they think it's appropriate and forcing the issue gets you nowhere. Do you trust him?

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If I was hiding something I would get annoyed at my partner for wanting to know what's up as well. I am truly not unreasonable. I brought the subject up perhaps 3 times in 2 months. He told me 2 months ago he wants me to meet them. I Can't agree on it being annoying to check back in. When I get an angry response based on that from him I feel more suspicious than anything. I believe he's hiding a circle of friends he does not want me to see yes. I have a suspicion and I wanted to see if my timeframe was weird to anyone and if I was wrong. I can accept that but I just don't know. I know we're going in circles. You can't solve my problem for me. Thanks for your insight regardless.

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A birthday yes. He invited only me and coworkers. We work together so there's nobody I don't know. As for family, he wants to visit them a bit after Christmas but hasn't asked if I wanted to join. I have invited him to visit my family in the spring. They live in Europe so it's far away.

 

Ah, ok. You are his current girlfriend. That's it.

 

It sounds like you are angling towards a future with him whereas he doesn't necessarily see you that way. Maybe that will change in the future.

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I'm confused ... didn't you already meet them?

 

Are you saying there are specific times he goes out with them that you would like to be included?

 

I don't get what you are dissatisfied about here.

 

No I have not met anyone in his life. We ran into his one close friend by accident twice. That lasted for maybe 10 minutes since that friend was at work. He hangs out with him sometimes without me. My issue is that after 6 months of dating this guy, I'd like to hang out with him and his friends once in a while, yes. That does not ever happen. I wonder why... Especially since he has told me I will meet them. That was 2 months ago and still, nothing.

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I would be concerned as well. After 6 months you should have at least hung out with his close friends over food or drinks. When you guys ran into his close friend, did he at least introduced you as his girlfriend?

 

It does sound shady to me. No matter how spontaneous their hang outs are, arranging a dinner or meet up shouldn't be this hard. I mean..you've made it pretty clear that you want to meet them to the point where he feels annoyed hearing it. I don't know if bringing it up again will help with the situation. It's either you trust what he said and believe that meeting his friends is just a matter of time or you leave.

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