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Thread: It's About The Journey...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Try to remember that you're likely in the honeymoon phase, too. My J said something last night that I just rolled my eyes at and didn't think much of, but thought about it this morning and honestly, I'd normally take offense to it.

    Once you've been together with your J for awhile and his quirks become more pronounced, you'll likely have to come up with something to even them out. Maybe try to plan ahead for his forgetfulness, etc.

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    I think both sides: the not-planning Forgetter and the I-have-a-list-for-everything scheduler have pros and cons.

    I was opposite when I was with K I plan some for big things but overall, I am not a planner. I take things as they come and deal with them as they happen. K, on the other hand, big planner. He had lists for everything and if we both had a day off, he would kind of "schedule it out" in terms of activities and errands. It didn't really bother me too much as I always do what I want to do anyway and he would make sure that we would arrive on time to things, so I guess that was a bonus. One time, I told him to take a deep breath and chill because I didn't want an "itinerary" that day and he was fine with that. I've been with a "forgetter" before but given my laid-back nature, I probably do a little better with a planner.

    Forgetters need to be reminded once in a while. Schedulers need to be told to relax and let go once in a while.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    Try to remember that you're likely in the honeymoon phase, too. My J said something last night that I just rolled my eyes at and didn't think much of, but thought about it this morning and honestly, I'd normally take offense to it.

    Once you've been together with your J for awhile and his quirks become more pronounced, you'll likely have to come up with something to even them out. Maybe try to plan ahead for his forgetfulness, etc.
    I thought about whether it's because the honeymoon period. And maybe it is. Or maybe it just doesn't bother me that much. Because with all my ex's, there were things that bothered me or annoyed me in the first few months (during honeymoon period).

    I don't mind being the planner, I like to plan. I did most of the planning of activities etc in my 2.5 year relationship with my ex. He would contribute opinions and stuff of course. So I don't mind doing that with J as well.

    I can see the non-planning get annoying in day to day life if we lived together lol... But he's been good with planning big things so we will see to what extent this "non-planning" goes lol...

    I'm happy to remind him or do the planning some of the time but I'd still like him to plan sometimes. I don't want to get into a pattern where he get used to me doing the planning, so I end up doing ALL of it. So will have to manage that. I often make myself sit back a bit when I'm with more "spontaneous" people, one, not to come across as too controlling lol, two, so they still take on part of the responsibility of thinking and planning things so I don't get stuck with it all.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    It's About The Journey...

    Originally Posted by Fudgie
    Forgetters need to be reminded once in a while. Schedulers need to be told to relax and let go once in a while.
    That is very true! I do try to be more laid back and compared to a lot of females friends, I'm actually a lot less of a planner / controller lol...

    I don't have lists for everything but I do prefer to have a rough plan ahead if I can, even if it's just, let's go to this market on Saturday morning and chill in the afternoon. Let's go to this festival Sunday night, the rest of the day we can just do whatever. You know what I mean?

    I like to think about that stuff a few days ahead whereas J tends to just talk about it the day before we're meant to meet or on the day lol...

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I heard a saying once and I've told a couple men this before. (Last night even)
    "A woman loves a man with a plan"

    It's so true for me and I'm suprised at the amount of men who ask you on a date but show up wanting you to plan it.
    I welcome your new journal NL. Your updates always make me smile.

    Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

  7. #16
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I heard a saying once and I've told a couple men this before. (Last night even)
    "A woman loves a man with a plan"

    It's so true for me and I'm suprised at the amount of men who ask you on a date but show up wanting you to plan it.
    I welcome your new journal NL. Your updates always make me smile.

    Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk
    Welcome to my new journal reinvent

    J used to plan dates very well when we first started dating and ask me out at the end of the date / in advance every time, that's how I know he's perfectly capable of planning haha.. But as we get into the relationship stage, it's more understood that we'll spend time together and less planning in advance has gone into it at his end. I don't mind it mostly, we've been busy with friends stuff a lot and other things have been coming up to keep us busy (or just relaxing at home). But I want to prompt him to plan something at some stage

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Tell him my comment. I've gotten quizzical looks when I've said it. But all in all they get the message and see it as a challenge of sorts.
    Besides men often say they wants to know what makes us happy.

    I am a planner. I have to catch myself and let the man be a man sometimes. Awkward moments when I sit on my hands and they don't want to take the initiative.
    I have met men who straight up tell me that they aren't good at making plans.
    At first I bought into it but now I see it as being lazy or a lack of confidence . (sorry, but true)
    It takes very little effort to think of a walk around a lake and cup of coffee. Seriously.
    I don't mind planning things. . I just don't want to do it all the time.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 11-20-2015 at 03:27 PM.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    It's About The Journey...

    Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not worried about it. This is like the shortest, most benign cons list I've ever made haha...

    He plans for the big things and things that he knows need planning ahead for, and if I ask him what we should do for dinner or the weekend, he'd give me his ideas and opinions. He's just more laid back and likes to leave things to the last minute more than I do. Just like he might be forgetful with some things but he remembers all the little things that matter to me.

    I'm sure we'll work something out

  10. #19
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Since I made a cons list, time to balance out with pros list!

    J is respectful to everyone, my friends who met him all told me the same. He's close to family and has tons of good friends. He's not judgemental.

    He is kind to everyone. He'd never say anything mean about anyone. He's generous and giving to his friends and family. He helped 3 friends move houses recently lol... His sister once told the story of years ago when he still lived in the same city, one night she hear this noise outside and thought maybe someone is trying to get into her backyard, she called him at 2am and he drove over to check on her. It turned out to be just some kind of wild animal lol... he stayed with her because she was creeped out which I thought was sweet. He just does things for people and doesn't expect anything in return. But at the same time, he's not the type of person to let someone walk all over him.

    He's sceptical of things he read rather than just accepting it (e.g. some new research finding) and has his opinions about various things but he doesn't get in anyone's face about it nor does he take it too seriously. He has well-balanced views of the world, not too black and white or extreme or cynical in any way.

    He's a really positive person, even if something frustrating happens, he'd tell me about it but will quickly move on to see something positive about the situation. He never dwells on it or act annoyed.

    He's very patient and forgiving. He's also easy going and open to try anything (literally anything).

    He's honest and trustworthy. He always keeps his words. He doesn't like to tell lies, even small white lies.

    He's thoughtful and considerate. He remembers the smallest things that I didn't expect him to remember and do small things that surprises me (like the text message yesterday) that makes me feel like my feelings and thoughts are valued and respected.

    He's affectionate and in touch with his feelings. He's not afraid to open up and talk about emotions or feelings, he doesn't find it uncomfortable or unpleasant (like Z did). He seems comfortable with who he is and likes his own company.

    I think that's all I can think of right now

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Good list NL
    He seems like a male version of yourself!

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