I hit him and he left me, please help me

Hello Enotalone Users

First of all, sorry for my English, I'm from France..

I felt so lonely today, I wanted to share my story

I'm in a relationship with a boy since 2012, We live together despite our age (20 and 19) He's very sweet and nice, commited in the relationship, not the cheating king.

But I'm sometimes fragile and jealous, and I've issues because of an aneasy childhood. He has moved in a other appartment a month ago to make us think about what to improve to be better in the relationship (I was so jealous and paranoid), but we're still a couple.

The problem is, yesterday I had touch the bottom, I missed him being in the same house and felt angry because he doesn't want to spend the holidays with my family (they are horrible to him)

and... I left him by text, saying all I wanted was a boyfriend that would make an effort and spend Christmas with me..

Today, I met him at work and he was laughing with a girl, and I don't know I felt so angry and somehow betrayed that I slapped him in the face. He ran behind me as I left and grabbed me by the arm and we went outside. He asked me why I had slapped him and I already thought that he would left me, so I said "you deserved it", I knew I shouldn't have slapped him but I don't know why I felt so betrayed and angry I humiliated him in front of his mates...

Then at lunch, I met him at the cafeteria, I tried to appologize but his best friend, who also is my friend, told me that I should be ashamed, that it was unbeliivable, he was so angry.. and my loved one said "You see, you think everyone humiliates you but it's you who humiliates people".... I was so ashamed.. so I looked down and left.

Our relationship wasn't at its best, me dealing with my jealousy issues, but today I ruined everything. He moved town for me 2 years ago, left his family... I feel so bad, so ashamed

I know I'm young but you know, He and I somehow believed that we could make it work because we love each other and he trusted me to work on my issues (with my psychiatrist) and he on his..

So if anyone reads my story, please write me a little message, and advice or even tell me what I could do...

Please, I am so alone

You need time alone and space. couple of months to clear your head so you can deal with your issues. Do NOT expect ANYONE or ANYTHING to do that for you.

Your childhood issues (which EVERYONE HAS) are as big of a problem or as little of a problem as YOU make it. Currently you are making them a HUGE problem.

DO NOT let your past effect your future. Heck, if your past is unhealthy....completely get it out of your head, so that it doesn't effect you going forward.

You don't deserve him,i you love him, let him go.

Stay away from opposite sex during your time off/while you heal and reevaluate yourself. Learn the lessons. That's the best thing you can do that this point.

Thank you for your answer.. So you think we should end the relationship completely? That is going to be very hard but I take the advice. My past wasn't in my head until I began to be jealous and very anxious...

Thank you for your answer.. So you think we should end the relationship completely? That is going to be very hard but I take the advice. My past wasn't in my head until I began to be jealous and very anxious...

Yes, if you love him you would let him go.

You are VIOLENT and need time alone to reconsider everything and just take time off away from people to re evaluate yourself. This is going take TIME.

You also need to heal and recover and prepare yourself for a new relationship down the line.

again, TIME is your friend. Be patient. It will NOT happen tomorrow, next week or next month. CLEAR YOUR HEAD.

And DO NOT, EVER under ANY circumstances be violent. The second you become violent with a man (or a person that is more powerful than you) you FORCE THEM to be violent towards you. Be thankful your ex was smart enough to step back. There are many guys that will beat the living crap out of you (self defense mechanism).

"Never hit a lady" also applies to women. "Never hit a man". If and when you do, all bets are off and chances of getting physical hurt are HIGH

Yes, you should end the relationship completely and work on your issues.

BTW, why on earth would he spend the holidays with your family if they treat him horribly? That was a very unrealistic expectation.

Rose,

It is good that you are seeing a psychiatrist because I really believe that you need to work on the issues that you have. I think your issues are pushing your boyfriend away rather than bringing him closer to you. I can understand why he moved out and doesn't want to spend the holidays with you when you behave in this way.

Raising your hand to anyone is never the answer. You need to understand that while your boyfriend was laughing with a girl it doesn't mean there is something between them. I've said this a few times on here to girls with jealousy issues, but your boyfriend is with YOU because he loves YOU and wants to be with YOU and not any other girl.

Your boyfriend moved away from his family and friends to be with you, if that isn't love then I don't know what is.

I think maybe it's time to take a step back and work on being the best version of yourself.

Thank you everyone for your answer, this is really helping. It's going to be hard because I am so insecure but I will try. Thank you again

Loriana, you are right. I am so stupid and really need to be a better version of myself.. your answer made me cry, I know he moved from his city for me and I feel even worse. I was so scared that I would loose him and now it's done..

Your right about jealousy.. I shouldn't have been so violent..omg I am the worst person right now and he has every right to be angry

Loriana, you are right. I am so stupid and really need to be a better version of myself.. your answer made me cry, I know he moved from his city for me and I feel even worse. I was so scared that I would loose him and now it's done..

Your right about jealousy.. I shouldn't have been so violent..omg I am the worst person right now and he has every right to be angry

Rose, I didn't mean to make you cry I was just being honest because I know that jealousy and anger can cloud the truth sometimes.

You are not a bad person, we all make mistakes, but its how we learn from them that counts that's why I say take some time to work on yourself and to heal yourself from your childhood.

You are 19, you are still so young you have plenty of time to change if you want to, but only you can change yourself.

I wish you all the best.

Rose, I didn't mean to make you cry I was just being honest because I know that jealousy and anger can cloud the truth sometimes.

 

You are not a bad person, we all make mistakes, but its how we learn from them that counts that's why I say take some time to work on yourself and to heal yourself from your childhood.

 

You are 19, you are still so young you have plenty of time to change if you want to, but only you can change yourself.

 

I wish you all the best.

Thanks Loriana.. you are really helping. I know I'm young and you know I'm willing to change..

Being able to change is what separates the weak from the great.

Re Evaluating yourself and working on yourself is what separates children from adults.

What we do at the DOWN times of our life (when things hit the fan) is what seperates the weak from the great as well.

You have 2 choices OP:

#1 - curl up into a corner, be depressed, let this eat you alive and become a WORST person

OR

#2 - learn from it all, change, become the best person you can be AND be positive and optimistic.

Answer is pretty clear.

Allow this to make you a better person. Better yet, remember, in the future you will ONLY attract the person that YOU ARE.

So over next couple of months, become the best person you can possibly be. When you look int he mirror and you see a great person, you are ready to attract a person JUST LIKE YOU.

I'm not sure what's available in France as far as therapists, but I would concur with others in speaking with one. If not, hopefully you can find a local friend you can talk to about these things. Some event or series events throughout your life has made it hard for you to value yourself and trust people, which I believe is at the core of your anger issues. As long as you don't fully see your own worth, and as long as you struggle seeing the good in others so you can believe people are worth trusting, the anger will eat at you.

One of the biggest reasons why some people struggle with self-worth is because they gave up on a goal or a dream in their past. Did you have any goals, things you wanted to accomplish, but somewhere along the way you stopped working toward them? If so, try to pick up on those pursuits again. When you do work that is satisfying, it makes you feel better about yourself and makes you a better person.

I would concur with others in that you should end the relationship. It's very hard to heal when you're in a relationship, and it can hold you back and make things worse. If you stay in the relationship and keep getting angry, you'll keep piling on more regret, which makes it that much harder to break free from the cycle. I know you don't want to feel lonely, but being single now is going to be best for you, and it will give you your best chance of future happiness.

Yes, you should end the relationship completely and work on your issues.

 

BTW, why on earth would he spend the holidays with your family if they treat him horribly? That was a very unrealistic expectation.

I agree with all of the above. Also, if my partner hit me, I would leave too - I think it's the right thing to do.

Anger management would be a good idea at this point in time, I think.

I think you should work on your issues with a counselor and control your anger. Lately there have been an increasing number of ''guys hitting women back'' stories, guys that take equality to the extreme and they hit back harder (for instance last time I read that in response to getting spat on, a male bus driver actually threw a Mike Tyson upper punch as if she were a man......disgusting) so yeah, it's good that your ex bf was smart enough not to retaliate for the sake of hitting.

Personally if a bf ever hit me, I would break up and have him charged.