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I am acting crazy after our breakup... Stalking


Renee1990

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My long distance boyfriend of 9 months left me 5 days ago. The day before he was telling me how much he loved me how he was lucky to have me. The next day he ends it. None of that matters, what matters is the way I have been acting since the break up.

 

I have his passwords for everything. He once gave me his pass to a game we both played. It's the same one he uses for facebook, skype, email.. And I started stalking him. First started logging into his email. Where I seen the day after we broke up he charged $250 to a cam girl website. It blew my mind. So I checked the website. I logged onto it with his info... What I did next sickens me. I watched the private show he was watching. Watched everything he said to this girl who was sitting naked on cam for him. Watched him talk to her for 5 hours. Watched him tell her he was just lonley and he didn't want to watch her masturbate he just wanted to talk because he was sad over his breakup. For some reason this made me happy I thought he would want to get back together.. So for the next few days I constantly checked his skype, email, facebook. Just invading his privacy and stalking him... I guess he found out I was getting on his email because he changed his password. That's when I realized how crazy I was being and now I am sick with myself. I am afraid I will do it again. I am afraid I will see if he is talking to anymore cam girls. I want to stop but I think I have become obsessed with what he is doing. I have been losing sleep just to stay up and see what he does.. Has anyone been through this. I'm really sick of myself. I am also scared of what I have become.

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I´m sure many dumpees have experiences with stalking ex. I know also password of my ex and when we were together I used it twice, because I wanted to delete emails sending by myself, when I was hopeless about our relationship, but second time I used it, because I couldn´t trust him and I felt so bad about myself, but it opened my eyes in some way...and we were also in LDR. I felt so sick of myself, but I told him about it. I know how you feel, but you must respect his privacy.

Yeah, and after BU I checked if he read my emails... Omg, I hated myself for this and I finished with this stalking thing.

It´s different to just stalk his fb profile and so on, but with using his password it´s unrespecting his privacy.

I´m sorry what you found in his email but everyone has different ways of dealing with BU.

Stay strong and block all contact with him. It´s only hurting you, not helping you to move on...it´s hard, I know.

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I think a lot of people would do this if they had access to their exs passwords. It's normal to go a bit crazy when you break up. I checked my exs facebook for a while plus the girl he was dating then I realised it was doing me no hood so I stopped. It was actually adding to my pain. I think you should try and find some way of stopping if you can. Block him, visit a friend. In time it does get easier

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I've never had this problem because the last time I broke up with anyone was before the internet was invented.

 

However, I always had this feeling that when we broke up there was a lot she wasn't telling me. So when I cleared the house, I kept checking all her stuff for clues.

 

I hear similar stories all the time about people who profess undying love then split a few days later. It usually turns out that they have been contemplating a split for a while.

 

My last break-up wasn't completely out of the blue but I discovered afterwards it had been brewing for far longer than I realised!

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Don't be the crazy ex girlfriend. Walk away with some dignity. Respect his decision and move on. Do the hard thing and go no contact. Focus on you. Have fun, live up your life, eat healthy, exercise, and be with friends and family. Good luck.

This!

 

And you have a learned a lesson to never share passwords, because next time you’re the victim!

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Don't be the crazy ex girlfriend. Walk away with some dignity. Respect his decision and move on. Do the hard thing and go no contact. Focus on you. Have fun, live up your life, eat healthy, exercise, and be with friends and family. Good luck.

 

I wish I would have done this from the beginning.

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Once you realize you are just sticking your own hand in the same fire and burning yourself you will stop. My ex had emailed our daughter and I saw some emails between my ex and her new partner and it really set me back, and over a year later I wished I never read them. So I don't go on any of her social media or nothing. Ignorance is bliss. Live your own life.

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Unfortunately, what you are doing is illegal or, at best, borderline. I can fully understand why you're doing it. If you have been dumped suddenly (as I've been a couple of times), our first instinct is that there's something they are withholding and, yes, 99% of the time they are. Although it isn't always true, I'm sure most dumpings involve a 3rd person. Yes, it is right to be angry about a deception.

 

The problem is, though, that infidelity and even adultery are legal and "stalking/hacking" are not. Not fair but that's the way it is.

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There are several factors to this. One, you are trying to find ANY sign that there MIGHT be a chance that he will change his mind. The situations where the person dumps you out of the blue exacerbate this feeling. If they changed their mind so quickly from loving me to not loving me, why not the other way around? This must be some kind of trick, because just last week... It might help to realize that in nearly all of these "suddenly dumped" cases, the person has been thinking about doing it for a loooong time. They just were good at hiding that from you and acting like everything was OK. (Which is damn easy to do long distance)

 

This is real. No, he isn't going to just change and come back to you. Being upset about his breakup is normal, and is not a sign of any kind that he will change his mind. No one likes to break up, so when they do, you know it's serious. That doesn't mean they are happy to have broken up or will have a great time after.

 

Another factor going into your behavior is that you think you can do this detective work and not have it blow back on you. Well, that simply isn't so. You are going to get hurt by what you find, whether it's positive or negative. Positive signs give you false hope, and negative signs just fuel your compulsion to keep looking. It's the same reason people play slot machines. Maybe the next pull.

 

And, most importantly, as you have found, he can find out about it or consider that it may happen. When you realize that as you watch you are also being watched, I think your desire to do this will go way down. In fact, I think it already has, which brought you here to find out how to stop.

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I think we all look for closure after a break-up but I really doubt if anyone ever gets it 100%. I don't think it would be wrong of you to ask him outright about what he is not telling you. It took me YEARS to realise that my biggest break-up happened not because of anything I did or failed to do. I'm fairly sure, in your case, it was the same but I'm also sure it doesn't feel like that right now.

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