Upset after seeing my recent ex on a dating site ...

My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me three weeks ago without any real explanation and I never saw it coming ... I am still shocked and devastated. A part of me still hopes that he will come back, but I realize that that is most likely never going to happen. I am currently on Day 11 of NC and really proud of that. He had said that he wanted to be friends and wanted to call me some time, but I said that that was not a good idea. He said maybe he would text me then, but he never did.

I'm not really ready to date yet, but I joined back up on the dating site where I met him, just to meet new people and see what's out there ... I'm starting to think about the possibility of being with other people again, although that still freaks me out. But a mutual friend told me that there was a girl leaving flirty messages on his fb wall (I didn't see it; I deleted him from fb weeks ago). So I thought if he is moving on, I should too.

Last night I was browsing on the dating site and saw his face ... I was a bit shocked, as I thought that he was already involved with that other girl. Also I was kind of hurt that he was seeking to replace me already ... his status said "looking for a relationship." So he is already looking for a new relationship!? After he told me that he doesn't know what he wants and needs to "figure his life out." His profile also said something about wanting to avoid "drama" and "games," which I guess shows how he really felt about me. It also said "Honestly I don't know what I'm looking for." So I guess that much was true anyway. It hurt seeing him on there, but maybe it will help me to move on. Unfortunately, you can see who viewed your profile ... so he will know that I looked at his (I clicked on it without even really thinking) and I know that he looked at mine as well.

I still don't understand how he could go from talking about buying me an engagement ring a month ago, to being ready for a new relationship now ... I don't know if anything he ever told me was true.

I am sorry stardust. I understand how you feel. My ex girlfriend was exactly the same. She broke up with me out of the blue after we had just looked at rings. She became very cold and distant. We had very limited contact. Like you, I decided to join a dating site just for friends and at my friends encouraging me to get back out there. I didn't really want to, but I joined. When I joined, I was immediately matched with my ex. I was hurt beyond belief that she already looking, pictures of her in a dress I bought her, and basically looking for me in her profile. I deleted my profile from that site. I couldn't deal with her being on there.

The dumpers have had more time to consider the breakup and they have accepted it. We are just coming to terms with the idea and no one gets the closure they want, especially when they are just done. I am sure they hurt in their own way.

I wish I had a better answer for you. I am at 4 months and I have handled it well. Stated what I wanted and I gave her space. I didn't chase or beg. I tried my best to keep the lines of communication open. I have stuck to,periods of no contact. I still miss her very much and I don't understand how she is able to stay away. I feel I am emotionally ready to contact her and see how she is doing. There is nothing to lose. Likely not the best idea, but something I feel I need to do.

They don't always work out like you see in the movies. When I broke up with my ex I expected him to be at home all day, breaking his heart out. But then I myself was 'out there' trying different things. And he was too. I found my ex on dating sites while we was still together so it didn't shock me as much when I saw he was on one when we broke up. It's peoples ways of dealing with breakups. Friends tell you to enjoy yourself etc etc.

Friends will drag you out the house and get you doing things.

He will be on the dating website. He won't be 'looking for a relationship' just a sweet headline to attract the girls.

He'll just be looking for some company, I did the same. I spent weeks talking to people and never considered meeting them and dating them so quick after a break up.

You however should stay on there, get him out of your head and talk to people who will make you smile, even compliment you. Will help the process.

People on dating sites will write anything to lead people in.

I'm in a happy relationship now, your time will come good luck x

When I joined eharmony, one of the first profiles they matched me with was my ex. Ouch, it stung a bit.

But you get by it. No one joins a monastery or nunnery after a breakup, they all go onto date others.

Give it time. Eventually it won't matter.

You shouldn't be upset, if anything you shoudl be happy cause his actions should only validate to you that he is not a very smart man (for dating and not taking time to heal/recover after LTR) and no good.

You don't want him......and also stop thinking that you want it to work out in the end, that is unhealthy, mostly because the second his rebound becomes reality he will come crawling back and you will probably accept him with open arms.

And you shouldn't. Close that chapter of your life for good (mentally). You are not there yet.....far FAR from it.