If you have to get back out there, where to start?

Hi! I have been either married or in long time relationships most of my life. I find myself single again in my 40s. I still mourn my breakup, but I feel like I am on a clock. That I need to find love again before my good looks fade.

I have looked at online dating, but it seems so shallow and cut throat. I know lots of relationships start online, but I think it has changed since the last time I was looking.

I have a career that keeps me fairly busy. Not even sure where I would go to meet singles. Not much into bars. I have done Church and activities thing before, not much success there.

I saw some stats that gave me hope and pause:

1. Single good men between 35 and 45 are hard to find. (Positive for me)

2. Women on average get married at 27.

3. Only one single woman per 4 miles average (means you can't stay on your glide path)

4. 25 % of relationships start by being introduced by mutual friends. 25% start online. Only 5% say they met in a bar.

And, I want someone who I can have children with. 27-35 age range would be ideal, but I figure this is prime for the women as well.

Any suggestions out there on where to start? Thanks

Use online dating as a supplementary thing, and don't expect a lot from it. Of course, have a positive attitude in any endeavor, but just know the math doesn't work in guys' favor in the online world.

I would go out and try to meet people in person. Coffee shops, dance lessons, common interest conventions, etc. I think meeting in person is always best if you're in a location where it's doable.

4. 25 % of relationships start by being introduced by mutual friends. 25% start online. Only 5% say they met in a bar.

That leaves a statistically significant 45% unaccounted for.

Yes, I know! There isn't an answer for the other percentage! I guess other

Join a club, group, organization that interests you. If you play an instrument join a band. There's also community theatre, night school etc.

My sister met her husband online...just DAYS after he joined. My twin bro met his 'last' ex wife online....and now is engaged to a 33 yr. old. Met just MONTHS after he got online. His divorce wasn't even finalized yet....(oh....forgot to add....he's gonna be 61)

'Older' guys have it made. If you're half way decent. My bf and I (who met at a meetup group) laugh at the 'available' men in our groups! The women for the most part, are attractive, have good jobs, in other words, have a lot going for them. The men? Hahahahaha.....and it's not just me....a woman saying this. The guys (who are married) say it too!

So really, if you're a guy who has a PERSONALITY, respectful, fun (humor is important to most women) then you should have no worries. PLUS....having been married and in long term relationships, you know the ins and outs of BEING in a relationship.

BTW....for the more mature woman, LOOKS aren't everything. so don't worry about your looks fading. Just put your best foot forward and be positive. Oh....and yeah....don't be judgmental on a woman's looks either! My bf, is short, fat and bald. Doesn't have a fancy house, or car. I was friends with him for 10 months before I let him kiss me. Then woo-hoo. Best kisser ever!!! ~

My mantra on here (for years) has been....join a meetup! It's NOT a dating site, and so some women don't like to go and have creepy men hitting on them! lol But you do things together, and become friends first.....then maybe it will grow.

This past weekend I went kayaking and camping with the group. A guy friend who I went kayaking with last year, and a woman who I've known for over a year... shared a ride up.....and a 'tent' together. Been in the same group for years....and finally 'connected' .....YAY!

Be open minded....and smile!

That leaves a statistically significant 45% unaccounted for.

Those are all mine.

Use online dating as a supplementary thing, and don't expect a lot from it. Of course, have a positive attitude in any endeavor, but just know the math doesn't work in guys' favor in the online world.

 

I would go out and try to meet people in person. Coffee shops, dance lessons, common interest conventions, etc. I think meeting in person is always best if you're in a location where it's doable.

I agree with this 100%. The most well put together women I have met have been in person through mutual interest groups.

" I still mourn my breakup, but I feel like I am on a clock. That I need to find love again before my good looks fade."

- Don't think like this...

Dont be too worried about your looks.. you've got years to go before you start looking 'older'.

AND it's not a good idea to feel you should 'rush' into anything.. because you are still mourning your BU.

Im in my 40's and I am not going to rush into anything.. especially if not ready emotionally & mentally. otherwise I won't be there enough to 'give' into a new one.

Why dont you just take it easy for a while to work on accepting & healing from your BU. Give it a few more months, so you will feel better & happy again.

Then, maybe try some community stuff.. try a sport or even online dating? Ease into things slowly.

I found myself single in my mid 40s. I initially panicked about losing my looks, my hair, my muscle mass, and on and on. The funny thing is though those things happened no matter how much I worried about them. The other thing that happened is women don't seem to care too much.

The only thing I would recommend is being more realistic about the age group of the women you want to date. The myth of women wanting older men, is just that, a myth. There are always exceptions, but I think you'll find most people stay pretty close to their age group. If you want to have children I understand that brings complications. The narrower your criteria the narrower your dating pool. Simple math. If I were single in my 40s again I would look for older, not younger women. It would be like shooting fish in a barrel.

If I were single in my 40s again I would look for older, not younger women. It would be like shooting fish in a barrel.

One nice thing about younger women, though, is they have shorter stories.

One nice thing about younger women, though, is they have shorter stories.

It depends on the woman. If a middle aged woman has only had one relationship her entire adult life and she may have less baggage than a younger woman who has been around the block of few times. It is not how old the train is but how much mileage the train has.

One nice thing about younger women, though, is they have shorter stories.

Interesting perspective. You could argue someone with more stories is going to be wiser and more mature.

Interesting perspective. You could argue someone with more stories is going to be wiser and more mature.

More stories can have richer lives and personalities as well. There are pros and cons either way.

Y'all dropped a whole lot of serious on my joke.

Y'all dropped a whole lot of serious on my joke.

I don't disagree that you meant to joke, but I doubt it was shared merely for a chuckle.