Father to be, if allowed!

Hi all.

2 weeks ago, my fiancé found out she was 4 weeks pregnant. She seemed happy, but I was the total opposite. We had been using protection (which obviously failed) and I didn't want to have a child yet. We are due to get married summer '17 and we still live at our parents. I've been a bit of a mess since hearing the news. Today we had to go for a scan to check the heartbeat, and I couldn't even look at the screen (pathetic I know!). but we have had a massive argument Tonight and she kicked me out of her house, I was driving home and wanted to drive into a tree at one point! I love her so much, but she has told me she doesn't love me. I asked her tonight to send me a picture of the scan, which she did, and since seeing it ive felt... happy! It gave me a boost and it actually excited me. however, when I told my partner this, she didn't believe me. we have agreed to not tell anyone yet about the pregnancy until about 14 weeks as weve been told we may have problems until then due to medications she was on. But she has told her brother tonight and told me ''I can tell who I want, regardless of what you want, as it's MY pregnancy''. this has hurt me real bad. its not HER pregnancy, its OUR baby, but she just wont see it ike that. im not allowed to tell a single person, meaning I cant have anyone to talk too, and its just really bringing me down. what can I do?!

Tell anyone you want. But I would be wary of marrying her. This is what your marriage will be.

The trouble is, she has depression. she was on 150mg of her medication, but that has been halved due to the pregnancy, and her moods have got to the point where you cant do or say anything without her getting at me. she keeps saying the weeding is off and she doesn't love me, but that's just her mind playing up, I know she doesn't mean it as when she isn't in a mood, she is all close and cuddly with me. Im going to see a doctor about how im feeling as I LOVE her so much and want to spend my life with her, its just so hard at the minute, and its going to get worse as the docs want to completely take her off her tablets. I just hope she doesn't end it, but I think she is going too without knowing what she is doing

I would be very hurt & angry if the father of my child couldn't even look at the screen during the ultrasound. You sound very immature.

If she doesn't love you, it's done. Child or not.

Push for abortion!

Your feelings are completely irrelevant and worthless, you don't want to be with a person that doesn't love you. Neither do you want to be with a depressed person......or want her to be your child's mother!!!

She may not carry the child through the first trimester.

You need to think long and hard about whether you can handle her and her mental illness....on and off meds. If she carries this child to birth, there could be complications. She will likely be off meds as she breast feeds.

You live at home with your parents. Still in highschool or college? What is your plan to support this child, whether or not you ever marry?

And ALWYAS pull out, regardless if you are wearing a condom or not. I don't understand, why in the world would you bust a nut with a condom on.

No, we aren't in college. We are both 23 (we live in the UK by the way) and both work. She is a nursery nurse just 3 days a week, but I work full time. I'm not going to choose to leave her, no way. She is the love of my life, yes she has depression, but I want to HELP her. I want to support her, to help her get through her problems. I have known about the depression since day one, and I could have ran many times, but I haven't. she is my world, I cant bare to not have her in my life, and I KNOW that in time I will get so happy and excited about the baby, if she lets me. I'm just worried as we have no money, we have to get our own place somehow, she still wants the wedding (well she did!) and I am worried that I'm going to be a bad dad. I want to be a good dad, but I just don't know how to be. I just want her to give me a chance, but because of her issues, I'm scared she wontlet me

And ALWYAS pull out, regardless if you are wearing a condom or not. I don't understand, why in the world would you bust a nut with a condom on.

Huh? Are condoms that unreliable? Is this realistic advice?

What a mess. Neither of you has the maturity, independence, or resources to become parents. Perhaps she will give the child up for adoption.

Huh? Are condoms that unreliable? Is this realistic advice?

It's the only advice that will protect you......condoms break, and you are not suppose to cum in them. And if you do, well it's high risk.

Pull out if you don't want a child, it's the ONLY protection when it comes to "not having babies". Condoms protect you more from STDs.....

My husband and I have used condoms for several years because I have serious side effects with birth control (migraine attacks, stroke-like symptoms). We never had one break. The main reason why condoms are not highly effective is because some people do not put on or store them properly.

I would never recommend the pullout method for anyone unless you are married -- in a solid committed relationship and are well situated to raise a baby if an accident were to happen.

Hey, you do need to talk to someone, a close friend or relative? And open up. You are fantastic for supporting her, but yes you need to evaluate where you are at, and why initially the baby made you feel that way. I completely understand, as I'd panic if I were in your position. And yes it's your baby too. I know my friends at 19 were renting a property and they had a baby, again it was an accident. But they managed to survive financially. I'm in the UK too. I suggest talking out the options with a friend, and maybe seeing a doctor with your girlfriend over the dosage of depressants and pregnancy, and whether she can get any other help.

Some strange comments on this thread though!

Living with a person who has depression is hard. For some it's a battle all their life, others make it out, and it's such a massive wave of happiness if that happens.

Depression is hard to deal with in a relationship. The hormones along will cause her issues. Do you feel she is blaming the depression on you? Are her mess right? Is she going to let you assist her during the pregnancy?

The best thing I can tell u is stay strong the fact that she's pregnant means she's going to be hormonal and since she already has a history of depression and needs meds to help with her moods it is going to be a hard pregnancy to deal with. I think you are a great person for fighting for your relationship and if you really love her that much talking to a therapist is one of your best bets to get some relief. As far as your original reactions to your child I don't understand how you could feel like that but again therapy is the route just remember that if its meant to be you'll find a way if not good luck with someone else if it comes to that