rebound success if it ever happens ?

I'm new on here so bare with , I've been broken up with my ex for 10 weeks and been in solid no contact ,we were only together for 9 months start to finish ,5 of then we were official with 1 break up early on amd a couple rough parts ....she was the one that came back from the first break after a a few days

The issue was she had an ex she had been with for 13 years on and off and she wasn't over him ,she was already planning to break up before I met her ,he was away for a while , he came back and that caused our first break ,we got back together and she wanted to move on from him but in the end couldn't and we had to breakup . She said if she could sort her head out we might work out in the future . I don't think she is back woth him but I'm sure they have met and they will be bin contact with eachother over text, I know that the last 2 years of her rs with him she wasn't happy.

She is over 10 years older than me and has her head in the clouds a bit ...... bad communicator and very indecisive but really do love her and hope she comes back

So I guess this makes me a rebound But we had An amazing time and I know she was so torn about weather to end our rs or not .

My question is has anybody been in a rebound rs and it hasn't worked out initially but then the the dumper has looked back and realised that they actualy want them and got back together

Thanks

Yes and no. The look back and realized how great I am? Definitely. Have it work out? No, and for the best, as it turns out.

Some folks purposefully choose to feel strongest about people whom they can't have on a permanent basis. This choice happens despite their intentions to the contrary. It's a way of protecting oneself from committing and being disappointed. Better to fall in love with someone I can't have, which is what your gf seems to be doing. And when she looks back and appreciates you more than she does now, it will be because she is now free to love you without risk of having it actually work out.

It sounds counter intuitive, I know. Of course it is a way of avoiding the very thing we want the most.

You are better off investing elsewhere.

Have you been in a similar situation?

I find I struggle daily atm with wanting to contact her or one of her friends or just trying to find any way to break the ice and restart some conversation. I feel doing nothing is not going to get her back

That's why you have to get to a point where you say why am I trying to so hard for someone that won't give me the time of day? You can live your life without totally letting g go. You accept she may never come back, but you can keep the door open. Maybe your available and maybe your not. There are many possibilities how thing can end. You have to accept them all and move forward.

Rebounds.. are often painful for both.

One person is not in their right mind to move forward. They're still not over the Ex and the relationship.

Obviously, she is confused etc. She has NOT taken her time to heal mentally & emotionally, yet.

That can take 1+ years to fully recover.

So, being involved with you, she has yet to work on any of this.. and herself.

I think it's best to keep your distance now and let her work on accepting/healing etc.

What also doesn't help things is if she is still in contact with her Ex. that will also delay her accepting/healing.

So, I see no good in this. YOu were a rebound for her.. and it's done, I say.

Have you been in a similar situation?

 

 

I find I struggle daily atm with wanting to contact her or one of her friends or just trying to find any way to break the ice and restart some conversation. I feel doing nothing is not going to get her back

Yes. He married his ex and sent me notes that I later realized were regrets that he was marrying her, and wanted to rekindle something with me after.

Ha, I was his rebound, and once I became unavailable I became the best thing ever but he still chose to marry her.

See? It's silly. I'm confident if he had married me (asif) he would be pining for her instead of for me as he does now.

This is very interesting and I feel / dread that she will come back as soon as I have moved on ,

I often wonder woth her if she will never be able to let go of her past and the history she has with her ex , she is so centimental. It's killing me that I have no control over this and doing nothing seems so counter intuitive to me

This is very interesting and I feel / dread that she will come back as soon as I have moved on ,

 

I often wonder woth her if she will never be able to let go of her past and the history she has with her ex , she is so centimental. It's killing me that I have no control over this and doing nothing seems so counter intuitive to me

You DO have control. Over yourself. Use it.

She has been ping ponging between people because she isn't able to let go. You will HAVE to let go. When the futility of hanging on costs you in a way that you can see it, you will let go.

i understand i need to let go and in the last 10 weeks ive come along alot and feel good , but i feel ive stalled , i guess i hoped i would have heard from her by now .

if i were to contact a mutal friend of hers to see how she is and ask if she has got back with her ex and just where she is at in herself , do you think she would tell my ex ive had been in touch with here , even if i asked her bnot to tell my ex ??

i understand i need to let go and in the last 10 weeks ive come along alot and feel good , but i feel ive stalled , i guess i hoped i would have heard from her by now .

 

if i were to contact a mutal friend of hers to see how she is and ask if she has got back with her ex and just where she is at in herself , do you think she would tell my ex ive had been in touch with here , even if i asked her bnot to tell my ex ??

And so what if she did?

well i want to find out where my ex is at emotionally but i odnt want her to know ive been asking , it could push her away even more ??

well i want to find out where my ex is at emotionally but i odnt want her to know ive been asking , it could push her away even more ??

(1) Assume the friend will say something. They always do, eventually. People use this sort of social information as a way to deepen their bond with one another. Your desire for secrecy would be secondary to both of them. Especially since you would be using the friend to get at the ex, instead of just going directly to the source.

If you can't go to the ex, then you can't go to any secondary channels to get to the ex, either. All channels that belong to the ex lead to the ex. She will find out, and it will be worse. "Why didn't he just ask me?" [eye roll] or "Move on!" [laughter] or maybe "Poor guy." [sigh] -- she will be with her friend(s). This whole idea works against you in every way.

(2) Where are YOU emotionally? That is what matters. How you are is still dependent or reactive to how she is, and that is crippling to you. Stand on your own two feet and make yourself whole. She never will, and neither will anyone else.

* deep sigh * you are right , so do you think that going directly to my ex and trying to spark up a conversation would be a total waste of time , i mean im not getting anywhere in nc so might aswell try ???

ive just read aload of stuff online about if you want your ex back nc is the worst way to go about it

NC will not bring your ex back.

Sparking a conversation won't bring your ex back.

Texting your ex won't bring them back.

The only way to for them to come back ---- of their own free will.

I guess I've come this far without her but I don't like it , I'm not happy with her out of my life , I know im clutching at straws but I'm hoping that once/if we start talking it will remind her of how she felt when she was happy with me

I mean something had to bring her back after our first brrak and something must have made it difficult for her to make the decision to break , If she didn't care she wouldn't have ever come back or would have found it easy to break it off ,

No, it won't. She hasn't forgotten you. You contacting her is you disrespecting the fact that you guys have broken up and it is wayyyyy too soon to be friends.

So, intermittent contact is just plain annoying, like "jeessshhhh, doesn't he get we broke up and I don't want to keep rehashing stuff".

If there is more than one break --- the first one teaches you how easy it is to do. And then when the second one happens, you kinda get that going back for round 3+ is pointless.

Well mhowe your words resonate alot of sense and I'm going to leave it for now, I know im getting annoying now haha but do you think from my brief rundown in my op it's just doomed and I would be wasting my time thinking about reconsiliation in the future , I don't know if in bored on being a rebound or I was just a rebound

Well mhowe your words resonate alot of sense and I'm going to leave it for now, I know im getting annoying now haha but do you think from my brief rundown in my op it's just doomed and I would be wasting my time thinking about reconsiliation in the future , I don't know if in bored on being a rebound or I was just a rebound

It doesn't matter. All of your analysis of the situation doesn't matter.

I'm sorry, it doesn't. Accept what is, which is you are single and need your eyes pointed forward so you can see where you are going. She is of your past. Choose three things you learned or experiences you enjoyed and hang on to those; those are yours to keep. Let the rest go. Go as in GONE. Look forward. Otherwise, you will keep walking into this wall, as would anyone who is walking with their head turned around looking behind them.

You guys are right and it feels good to hear good solid advice , I just hate how hopeless it feel

I don't know why I'm lime this , 2 weeks ago I was so strong and was happy ,I really felt like I was nearly there , I still held hope but I could feel it fading but now it's hit me again , and it's hit me hard

Death of hope is the final gasp. Now you round the corner....and there it is....the rest of your life. Grab it and make the best of it, because your past cannot be changed. Learn from it, and let it go.