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Thread: My life

  1. #41
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    I'm happy for once, or almost anyway. I'm used to things going wrong and now they are going right and I'm terrified bc I feel like something bad is just around the corner, idk what and I hope not, it just seems like things are too good. I've got my lady who I gave my heart to many years ago and never really got it back, I've never been scared of loosing a woman but that scares me. Maybe I'm insecure a little idk, but it's just like everything is so good right now, that I'm scared it will all come crashing down

  2. #42
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    So much going on, buying a house, trying to get moms estate wrapped up, gf, work, son going back to school. Almost too much, sometimes feels like I'm drowning. Relationship is starting to get serious, start thinking of all the other relationships what went wrong, wonder htf she could love me?? I'm Redneck oilfield trash, socially awkward, loner who don't do good around groups of 4 or more ppl, that prefers the solitude of a house way out the sticks with the company of a lab over any kind of town or city or the quietness of my climber in the early morning w/ my Mathews bow hung up beside me watching the woods go from pitch black to gray to orange to broad open daylight, or a duck blind early of a morning listening to the snows, blues bark, the specks yodel, the mallards quaking, the sprigs and widgeon whistle. I've made so many mistakes, let so many ppl down, made an absolute idiot of myself and have gone through the embarrassment of being the black sheep of my family and rejected by all of them while ol Chester the child molester was protected. I've completly failed as a dad and there's no getting that time back. Sometimes I wonder why even bother. Get my son through college, then just fall off the boat one night. He'd collect my life insurance and be set.

  3. #43
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Needless to say I didn't get the house. It didn't pass inspection. I miss Coal

  4. #44
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    I see everybody posting pics on FB of their families and Christmas decorations and get togethers all this stuff. I'm over here like yea well I've got my Benelli and my dog. God I'm pathetic

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  6. #45
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    I should know by now relationships donít work for me. Iím oilfield trash plainly and simply. Wonít ever be anything different. Very easily forgettable, I try to make my family know I think about them while Iím gone, birthdays Christmasís etc. Today I found out just how forgettable I am, none of my family, Dad, Son, Fiancť bothered to say happy birthday. Two of the guys on the boat and my crew coordinator did.

  7. #46
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    Iím ready to go home. Spend time with my son and my dog. Possibly the ol lady. 11 more days

  8. #47
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    Hard to believe that In less than 6 hours 6 years of working for BHP Billiton will be over and Iíll be taking this ol girl around to the shipyard in Gulfport. I got on here to finish her out, brought her out brand spanking new named the Bluewater Chief worked her for a year as the Chief, then Harvey Gulf bought her, renamed her the Harvey Sailor where Iíve served as captain for the past 5 years. Thereís only 3 of the original crew members left on here and I think itís fitting that we 3 take her around and put her up in the air cold stacked. We brought her out and weíll put her up.
    Itís almost like sheís been alive, a part of me, my thoughts and speech both at work and at home. The guys have become family, hells fire Iím with them more than Iím with anyone else. We spend 9 months a year together in the confines of a 205 foot boat, of that only 60í of it is living area. The rest is engines, passenger compartments, wheelhouse and deck. Iím going to miss these guys and this old boat. Had a lot of fun, and weíve been through a lot together, Deaths, Divorces, weddings, girlfriends watched kids grow up, graduate highschool then college, have had some crew members die, and some have kids. Itís been a long fun ride and I guess I should be thankful that Iíve been able to be here for it, but this place has been my only place of consitency while the rest of my life is in a constant state of flux. Now that this is gone Iím not sure about much of anything.

  9. #48
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    Seems like we are just drifting apart and Iím not even sure if I care. All my life Iíve wanted a happy ending, you know, something stupid, house, family, dog the American Dream right? All I get is disappointment wether itís me disappointing some one or someone disappointing me. I come to your house on my off time, pay your rent the first day Iím there and I mean not even sat down good then you start drinking and drinking and drinking more. Every flipping night I was there you were drunk. Is life really that bad? That you have to get drunk every night or is that just so that you can deal with me? You said you had stopped going out to the bar bc you didnít want to drink then drive. First night Iím back at work you call me to tell me about going out to the bar and seeing your ex, his new gf and his ex gf. You said youíd stop going there bc you didnít want me to worry. Guess what, idc what you do.

  10. #49
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    Why canít you just listen for once? Just once. Iím not good enough for you. I canít provide you a big fancy house, a beemer, or a man thatís home ever night. Hell I sound like a hick when I talk bc guess what I am one. I wonít ever be able to go out around your friends, so why donít you find someone that can. Just leave me to the boats, oilfield, my dog and the woods.

  11. #50
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    I want to go home, to my house. Go to the wal mart buy the el cheapo chicken breasts, tuna loin cuts, the great value hash browns, some fruit, rice, jambalaya mjx, sausage, crawfish tails and bouidan. Wake up in the mornings on my couch with a lab pups nose in my face telling me itís time for breakfast, cook him his breakfast then mine then have the option of either a) being real productive or b) do nothing. Pop in Deadliest Catch, Mallard Madness, Running Traffic, Heartland Waterfowl, any of the Primos waterfowl DVDs, Monster Bucks, Whitetail Freaks or any other of the 1000 or so huntin movies I own. Then I want to go shoot my bow, put out trail cams, mineral, then go to Noes and shoot the bull with everybody out there. I want to relax

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