My boss

So I've had this job for a year and a half. My boss is about 45, single and a player. He's always talking to women and partying. Since I started working for him he's been extremely generous, helping my family and me get our lives on track and teaching me about owning a business. He hired me as a manager when I had no experience and through the time we've worked together, he has influenced me in so many positive ways showing me how much he cares about me and my family. There's one thing though.

He tends to hit on me and the other female employees around here. I've asked him to back off so he hasn't done it to me for a while and even when he did I dodged the remarks and tried to keep it professional. Well, I was invited to go on a business trip with him and a group of people for free. I've been very nervous about the situation and just tried to keep calm and trust that he won't try anything-in fact, I told him that if he did I'd hit him and be gone.

My assistant manager just informed me tat he kissed her the other day. She is engaged. My boss knows this. He also paid an employee to kiss him. Idk what to do.

I'm not trying to stick up for him, I think it's highly inappropriate but I also don't think he deserves to lose his business. I love my job so much, I wouldn't want to work anywhere else. I just don't know what to do. This job has set me up in my life and given me so much confidence in myself. I also make really good money because I worked hard for raises and benefits. He gives me time off, I can rearrange my schedule....idk how to handle this. I haven't told my boyfriend yet because idk what he will do....and like I said I don't want to screw my boss out of his business, he has worked really hard for all that he has. Idk

I'm confused. You say you called him up on it and he hasn't been inappropriate to You since then. So, what is it that you don't want him to lose his business over? Are you afraid that one of the other girls is going to take him to the labor board or the human rights tribunal or something?

Is it his business? Or does he work for a larger company?

Was the business trip he took you on a real business trip...that you needed to attend?

It takes two people to kiss....your engaged coworker and her boundaries are not your concern.

Yeah I'm not seeing how any of this is your business.

I second that...were you the one your boss kissed? Why would your BF be upset? Please clarify.

I think I understand what you're getting at, that your boss makes inappropriate passes at all the women he employs at the office and now wants you to go on a 'business trip' with and you're concerned he'll make a pass at you and all the great things you've achieved there will be at risk.

Well, does he only employ attractive women there? He sounds like he's perpetually sexually harassing women there, and in the UK a least he could end up at an employment tribunal or worse. Go on the trip, be prepared to WARN him off, personally if I were you and had learned all these skills there I'd be off looking for a job where I could use them without a misogynistic pig making a pest of himself.

I think I understand what you're getting at, that your boss makes inappropriate passes at all the women he employs at the office and now wants you to go on a 'business trip' with and you're concerned he'll make a pass at you and all the great things you've achieved there will be at risk.

Why not just tell him this before the trip and see how he responds?

Ok, the reason I'm so worried about it is because I'm the manager of this place and my employees are coming to me with this issue and I don't know what to do. They are 18 and 19 years old. The one that is engaged said he grabbed her face to kiss her and she walked away from him and nothing else was said. She has been very cold to him for the past week and I didn't know anything about it until yesterday afternoon when she told me. I expressed a slight concern going on the trip with him. So she told me about what he did to her. I agree it takes two people to kiss but she walked away she didn't kiss him back I guess. That sounds childish to say but she seemed scared and nervous to tell me.

I found out after I posted this that the employee he allegedly paid to kiss had other stuff happen to her. Apparently he came up behind her and put his hand in her pants saying he wanted her, and asked if they should "just finish right there" she thought it was her fault bc tbh she is a flirty person. I told her it wasn't her fault at all. He didn't kiss me, he knows I would no longer work for him if that happened and not trying to be arrogant but I'm the best manager he's ever had. He doesn't want to lose me because I'm valuable to the company.

He doesn't do the hiring, I do. These girls I've hired. He is the sole proprietor of the business. No one is above him. He and I work closely together with the business. The trip is a real business trip, he goes every year with a group of people.

My boyfriend would be upset because from the beginning he has thought my boss was this way. I told my boss to back off and that's why I never told my boyfriend how he is. I was afraid he would want me to quit and it's hard to find a job as good as I have. My boss has had a crush on my sister for a long time, she works for me now, and my bf says you can't find one attractive without thinking the other is too so he thinks my boss already wants me.

I'm just scared. This makes him seem like such a ty person but he's always taken really good care of me and my family. I already told my assistant manager I'm looking for another job. Idk how to explain this all to my bf either. I don't want to go on the business trip so I'm hoping he can't get my ticket. He said he didn't have it anymore. He already purchased a plane ticket though. So that's why I'm afraid to cancel, he already spent money for me to go.

I think I replied to everyone lol

You are playing with fire. Why in gods name did you hire your sister?

Sit down with this idiot and tell him the office is not his private harem and to keep his body parts to himself. Also tell him you will not be going on the trip. Period. End of story

.

And if you have any self respect or respect for you marriage, you will find another job. Working formSatan for the money will kill your soul

Find a document or video on sexual harassment in the workplace from a government site and meet with him. Tell him that the women he's hired have been educated about in their legal rights in school, and he'd better get himself up to date on the legal implications of his behavior, which has been reported to you.

Tell him that this puts you in a terrible legal bind, because if you do nothing, you are complicit, and there is nothing to stop any of these women from phoning the government hotlines to report him--and he risks losing EVERYTHING, both privately and professionally.

So he should consider this a warning that you've documented for your own legal protection, and if he doesn't learn how to comport himself as a professional and keep his hands, his mouth and his words to himself, you'll have no choice but to resign and turn him in.

If he doesn't cooperate but instead fights you on this, then have your written resignation ready to turn in, and serve it to him without notice. Exit the place, and go straight to your local Employment office for two things: to file a claim for unemployment benefits and to file a complaint against the guy for creating a hostile and sexualized work environment. Inform all employees involved that you have done this, and suggest that they do the same.

Ask the employment office for a referral for legal representation.

Where do you live that you fear reporting a sexual predator to the point that you fail to do anything to stop the abuse?

I'm not understanding why you wouldn't have gone to the police, never mind just sitting there being "worried." You are the manager who is hearing stories from women that are being sexually molested by a pervert who thinks he can do what he wants because he pays you? You should be reporting this by speaking to him and telling him that his behaviour is disgusting and inappropriate and that owning a business does not give him the right to do what he is doing to these young girls.

If he fires you, heck even if he doesn't fire you then go to the police and file a report. Would the girls back you up or are they like you, more worried about their job then actually being safe from abuse where they work and just too afraid to do anything that would put a stop to his debauchery?

Wow! I thought this place was to offer judgement free advice but wow.

I will no longer be using this site. I can't believe how awful you all just made me feel. I was scared and unsure of what to do so I ask for advice and you all just put me down for being afraid. I have children to support I can't just quit. I can't risk losing my job right now. I have to find something else first and for the first judgemental person who keeps bringing up God into my posts (a fictional carachter in a made up book), I am not married. Not once did I say that. I spoke with my boyfriend and we have a plan together because He is understanding. He isn't a judgemental .

I am asking both girls if they wish to press charges. If they don't, I will know they aren't being totally honest. If you knew these girls you'd have a better understanding of why I say that but I don't really care if any of you understand. I was reaching out for help and advice and you are all just bashing me here.

For the the last person that commented on here, go **** yourself. I am an adult woman with bills. I cannot afford to lose my job. I assumed people would understand that you can't just not have a job when you have bills over 2 grand a month to pay. I need an income for that. I told the girls I had to do some research but I suggested going to the police. They made the decision not to until I figure out our local laws. You think you're so much better than me, well I make sure my family is taken care of. If I lose my job, I can't feed my kids, I can't pay my rent, my car payment, electricity, heat or anything. So why the hell would I want to just quit??? That is not logical.

Thanks for your awful advice and for making me feel judged for asking a question and seeking advice from people who I thought would actually help and not degrade.

I wish you best in the future but you and your boss need to be very careful the way you go about this and how its done...being a woman you should already know that a lot of women have trouble coming forward about like this stuff just search the site and you will see it.

Why do you think you will get judgment free advice when you are willing allowing a sexual predator to harass women?

Why do you think you will get judgment free advice when you are willing allowing a sexual predator to harass women?

Oh you must not have read everything to think that was my plan. Lol I planned to do something about it, I just didn't know what to do. Did you really think I was just going to sit here and be like, "oh, we're just going to have to let it go!" Instead of helping these girls?? What do you think the point of posting this was? How do I do this without getting myself into trouble? What if these girls are lying? I just accuse my boss of that then lose my job over some little girls playing a game? What if they are telling the truth? How do I confront him without losing EVERYTHING I have worked for?? This is an intense situation. I didn't want to just bust in there with a parade of police officers to arrest him and then completely screw his life up and then it not be true! Or be a completely different story!

First off, the area where the girl says he put his hands in her pants has cameras on it. I can easily access the video to see what happened. That is something I am planning to do. Then, if he did, I have evidence against him. If not, I can fire the girl and continue on in my life.

Adults have to weigh the risks in life to decide what is right for their family. I can do something here without hurting anyone unecesarily in the process. To say that I was going to continue to let it happen is absurd. That's probably where the problem lies though, you couldn't have gathered that I wasn't going to do anything about it.

I just needed advice on where to start.

Surely you can't be serious? You came in here with only half the story and you even excluded the facts of what these girls are alleging and you didn't even really ask how you go about this... You just said you were worried about your job... at least that's the impression you certainly gave in your opening post... and then you come back in after you've been called out on your lack of action to tell us that there is video footage you can access to see if one of the girls is telling the truth (god help any victim if you are the one in charge of their safety). Why wouldn't you access that footage first and then come here for advice on what you should do about the allegations?

Yes, you've been called on how you handled this whole situation because if you have to come here to ask what to do when you are a manager then I think the first thing you should do, after you've addressed the allegations is to get training for what you are paid to do.

Sorry, but you won't be getting any sympathy from me when you've purposely left out important information and you failed to access that video you mention and instead come her to strangers on the internet instead of doing your due diligence first.

Surely this story is not real.

BTW: You failed to tell us where you live that makes you all fear reporting this abuse to the appropriate bodies for investigation. If you fear that he will be shut down for these alleged deplorable actions. Would you want him treating your daughter like he's been accused of treating these young women? Would you totally understand his sexual abuse to your daughter if it meant that the "manager" would have lost her job if she were to report him? O.o

These are serious questions not asked in malice but rather to try and understand your lack of empathy and your excuses for only telling us half the story and only when you've been called out on it, adding important information. Doing that messes with your credibility.

It does come accross like your first priority is keeping this job. Regardless of what you have to do, or not do.

And what is with the accusing automatically of these girls of lying? In your story, your recount how he has been inappropriate with you and your spouse has noticed and doesn't trust him either, and some sketchy behavior you know of for sure on your bosses part.

Maybe it's not out of kindness he hired you with zero experience and has been pumping you through with money and bonus', maybe it is that he has found someone who will say nothing this way. You obviously do not have experience with handling these claims nor with being in a position where you have subordinates under you. Depending on you to support them in doing the right thing, and to listen to their voice.

It really comes accross like this man is paying you off and you are allowing it, even justifying it. "I'm an adult and need to pay my bills". We all do. And sometimes we are put in situations where we have to choose the easy thing or the right thing.

The right thing would be to support these girls in due process and not automatically assume they are lying.

Found out both girls were being dishonest because he wouldn't give them a raise.

Thanks for the advice.

You hired these jokers?

Whole story sounds fishy since the first post.

Ops story that is.

Found out both girls were being dishonest because he wouldn't give them a raise.

Thanks for the advice.

Sounds to me like you got rightfully called out and are saving face. Not that I blame you.

I'd do your female subordinates a favor and resign from your management post. Maybe a leader who's willing to look after them can give it a shot.

Found out both girls were being dishonest because he wouldn't give them a raise.

Thanks for the advice.

Oh, realllllly? How did you find that out? Was it by asking the man that has been doing the alleged assaults? The very man that assaulted you as well but stopped once you called him out on his inappropriate and unlawful actions? If I'm wrong, perhaps you could explain just how you found out they were lying.

Same way they didn't ask her, the office manager, for a raise.

This story has more holes than Swiss cheese. She has trouble with this guy, but hires her sister? She hired these girls? She has no experience but got the job?

The girls won't press charges because they are afraid of losing their jobs! They are young 18 and 19 year old girls and if this is their first job, they may feel they won't be able to get another one and will be blackballed. They are coming to you for help. The girl where he put his hands down her pants could very well go to the police.

If the business trip is a conference for your industry - its an actual conference where many other companies attend, I would go, but travel separately. If its a business trip where the group goes down to Cancun - I would forego it. I think that you as the hiring person or more or less hr person should tell your boss in no uncertain terms what is acceptable, and encourage the girls to report it to the authorities where you will be happy to be a witness to the fact that they reported it to you first. He is not flirting - he is assaulting these girls.