When is it okay to call out a girl that you just started dating?

I am 35 years old and the girl that I met is 29. I met her on an online dating service a few weeks ago and we met last weekend. The day before we were scheduled to meet, she told me that she was really sick. To me, this was an out in case something came up so that she would have a reason to cancel. The next day, she felt better and we went on our date. During the date, I asked her if she was on Facebook. She said that she was, but that she was never on it. I was thinking there was something she was trying to hide. A few days after the date, she showed up in the people that you should on Facebook. I looked at her profile, which is public, and she has over 1600 friends. She had gone to an NFL game a few days prior and said that she went with her brother and his girlfriend. She posted photos from that game and also posted some selfies with another guy. During the date she asked me to a wedding this weekend. She even confirmed with me mid week that I was still able to go. A day before the wedding, I get a text saying that she had bronchitis was unable to go to the wedding. I was pissed because I changed plans to be able to go to the wedding.

To me, this all sounds like she is trying to hide something. I kind of feel like I'm a second option if it doesn't work out with someone else. I'm stuck in a dilemma. I want to say something without sounding like a stalker. I'm also wondering if I should not say anything and just enjoy the "benefits" of dating. I ultimately want to find "the one" which is why I have such a dillema.

Should I say something or not?

You have had one date. She can date whomever she wishes.

Btw...generally 29 yr olds are referred to as "women" not girls.

Thanks for the comment that does NOT answer my question.

To spell it out for you: there is no reason to call her out. She has canceled on two dates which shows clear lack of interest in this boy. You are not the 2nd option. You are out of the batting rotation.

OP,

I think there is no need to call her out on anything. I think the circus has already left town. I would find other dating options.

I'd move on.

I agree with the others. Don't waste your time, she isn't interested, and there is nothing positive that can come out of 'calling her out'.

Unfortunately, this won't be the last time you come accross someone who is flaky/not interested. Better to learn how to roll with it and let it go quickly and easily, without any bad feelings about it. Just let it roll off your back and on with your search for that right person for you.

She isn't your girlfriend and dating is a time where you can explore as many possibilities as you want without being in the wrong so she hasn't done anything wrong

Brandon....she may have not liked your attitude on the first date. While she did leave herself an exit with her "sick", the fact that she played the card again to cancel you out of the wedding is a sign. I am sure if you check her FB....she attended the wedding.

"During the date, I asked her if she was on Facebook. She said that she was, but that she was never on it. I was thinking there was something she was trying to hide."

- Did you expect her to want to add you? silly.

" During the date she asked me to a wedding this weekend. She even confirmed with me mid week that I was still able to go. A day before the wedding, I get a text saying that she had bronchitis was unable to go to the wedding. I was pissed because I changed plans to be able to go to the wedding. "

- Whollay.. expectations!?

Honestly, you only met ONCE. I have no idea WHY she'd even be thinking about inviting you.

meeting one person does not mean they are 'the one'. Dating can go on for months.

I feel you need to lessen your expectations with this.. online dating. There are soooo many people on there and sooo many with 'different' expectations, experiences, etc.

I've been on a couple for over 2 years. have only met a handful and have yet to find someone to 'my liking'. Dont rush it with anyone on these things.

Take it slowly.. get to know someone. if it doesn't pan out.. then it doesn't. Shouldn't be a big deal, really.

I think it's strange that she invited you to the wedding. I don't think she's trying to hide anything; it sounds like she's just not that into you and isn't willing to invite you into her life at this point. I'd move on without saying anything.

Your hot date doesn't think you're worth her time and judging from your bad attitude and insecurity that rivals that of a 14-year old girl, it ain't hard to see why.

Wow, no wonder you are single!

Dude, you guys went on ONE date, count 'em, ONE. You DO NOT own her! She is free to date whomever she wishes to date. She owes you NOTHING! Maybe she found someone less clingy and more mature. You sound very, very, young.

I think it's odd that she invited you to a wedding after just a first date, wait, actually first MEET.

Nothing to call her out on. You guys don't know each other. If she doesn't want to add you on Facebook and told you she doesn't use it much when in fact she does, it's none of your business. She also has the right to date multiple people until you establish exclusivity (ie typically months into dating). I don't think she's trying to hide anything. I'd never add someone on Facebook after just one date. Or two. Or three.

But yes it's rude of her to just cancel the date when you've changed plans to go with her.

How about this, next time, don't change your plans for someone you just started dating and had no idea where it's going, if anywhere.

I'm going to mostly reiterate what other people have said here, but I'm going to say it in the way I believe it should be said--that is, without berating you while you're trying to figure things out.

Definitely don't call her out. That is something left for friends who make mistakes, family members, people who are close to you in some way. She's for the most part a stranger. It's unfortunate if she's lying and making up excuses, but really you're not in a position in her life where you can correct her on those things. And not that it makes it right or moral, but it's mostly par for the course when it comes to dating. People will make up excuses and use half truths to avoid direct confrontation, so it'll be easier if you accept that. It doesn't mean you have to date people you believe are dishonest, but you also shouldn't be alarmed or up in arms when it happens to you. Just realize the person is not right for you and move on.

As for Facebook, I consider that something reserved for friends, or at least for people you would like to keep in contact with long-term. This is my personal stance, but I think you'll find it's somewhat split down the middle when it comes to facebook and online dating. Some people will insist on seeing your facebook page as a matter of safety and authenticity, while other people don't have any desire to connect on social media with strangers they just met. I can see both sides of the argument, so I'd just say look for like-minded people.

For this particular girl, it's best just to take a pass, as her interest is not there, at least not in any consistent way. Don't contact her or try to call her out. Just let it go. And if she contacts you again for some reason, simply delete the message. No need for excess drama.

Cheers.

Changing your id doesn't change anything Brandon.

Thread closed.