Jump to content

I have to admit that I'm catching feels for my FWB of 8 months...what's my move?


ms201242

Recommended Posts

I met him over 8 months ago, and we slept together on the first night. I imagined it would be a one night stand, so I was surprised when he contacted me a few weeks later to get together again. My first impression of him was that he is extremely attractive, successful, and way out of my league. He comes from a wealthy family, and was semi-pretentious, so I was prepared for a sex-only relationship with him. I truly thought he was someone I would never fall for.

 

Over the past 4 months or so, the dynamics have changed. We meet up at least once every week (if not more), when we used to get together only once a month. He does 99% of the pursuing, and frequently tells me he's excited to see me. He's started asking me to stay the night, although I have not accepted the invitation yet. He also told me he's not sleeping with anyone else (I didn't ask or request exclusivity but definitely appreciate it as I am not sleeping with anyone else either). One of the biggest changes I've noticed is that the sex is incredibly passionate, whereas before, it felt like more of a non-emotional interaction. We do a lot of gazing into each others eyes, kissing, etc. He calls me baby and compliments me and my body constantly.

 

We spend a lot of time talking about our daily lives and have intelligent conversations about topics when we are together, also. I'll admit we don't sit around watching movies or netflix marathoning, but our time together is not spent ONLY having sex. We typically spend 3-4 hours together each time we get together. One of our more recent conversations included the topic of wanting children, and where we see ourselves in a familial aspect in the future.

 

I thought I could handle a sex-only relationship with him because I didn't expect to become attracted to him any way except sexually. I've told my close friends about our interactions, and every one of them seems to believe he has feelings for me, but won't admit it (probably because he doesn't want commitment, although he did tell me once that he's tired of being single). I've given him absolutely no indication of how I am starting to feel. I'm not needy, jealous, etc., so I don't see myself making any moves to change our relationship any time soon. I want to really make sure that these are true feelings before ruining what we do already have (which is fantastic). Any thoughts/opinions on how I should approach this, or on how he is truly feeling?

Link to comment

You tell him you've developed feelings for him and this either needs to go to the next level or you are out. And you hear his response, accept it, act accordingly.

 

And no one here is going to have any idea of how he is really feeling or you either for that matter AND you're sleeping with the guy. Up front and bold or you stay quiet, fall more and more, risk getting your heart ripped out down the road.

 

Speak up now before it goes any further. You owe both of you that.

Link to comment

He came into the relationship with no strings attached, as did you. Now, as time goes on, the relationship is deepening for you. You need to communicate this to him. It's like the Billy Joel song, "I Like You Just The Way You Are". One of the lines is ". . now don't go changin' Guys don't always do well when their friends start changing on them. That is why they drift apart. However, you have mentioned some very tender and touching moments that the two of you have shared. Ask him how he feels during those moments. Or ask him what he is thinking. It's a long process, when you hunger for him so. But communication and time in this case are your friends. Don't be pushy or demand an answer right then and there. Just do this every time (or not, he would definitely think something was up) those moments came. You want him to start thinking about the relationship with out making him feel pressured. If he doesn't then you will know for sure that his likes it the way it is. In that case then you have to severe contact and move on

Link to comment

Does he actually "date" you (take you out and do fun things with you?) If he doesn't then you are reading far TOO much into simple conversations about what the two of you think about having children in the future. That's just conjecture of course, because I'm not inside his head but you'd do well to think on it that way because he's done NOTHING thus far that should make you love him. Chatting with you and then having sex with you is not an action of love if that is all he's giving you of himself.

 

So: IS he actually dating you or is he just having sex with you and being cordial prior to that event?

Link to comment

I suggest you don't really wait too much longer, as you seem to have some 'feelings' for him now?

You should deal with that before long, so you don't keep 'falling' for him.. and it doesn't go anywhere.

 

Sadly, I think it's most often the female in this position who gets those 'emotional feelings' creep up over time.. than the guy.

 

But, it's best you know his feelings.. if he has any. So you could back off should he not want any more than this.

Link to comment

^^^ all ways for her to bond even more with him without knowing where she stands. Spending the night means squat. It just gives him another opportunity to get bizzy in the morning. If you want to see where he is without talking about feelings, Op then you'd find out more my actually inviting him out and see what he says or asking him to meet your friends/family. If he's up for that then he's wanting more then an FB. Staying over night just means he likes intimacy but that still doesn't mean he wants you for more then that.

Link to comment
You tell him you've developed feelings for him and this either needs to go to the next level or you are out. And you hear his response, accept it, act accordingly.

 

And no one here is going to have any idea of how he is really feeling or you either for that matter AND you're sleeping with the guy. Up front and bold or you stay quiet, fall more and more, risk getting your heart ripped out down the road.

 

Speak up now before it goes any further. You owe both of you that.

 

Listen to Paris, please.

 

The little subtle games just invite more ambiguity. What if you invite him out and he says yes, but he changes the location? What does it mean? Oh God, what does it mean?

 

Straight forward is so much more likely to give you clarity.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...