Any positive hopeful stories out there...finding someone better after ex?

After having a real on and off relationship with my ex who i still miss i get worried that i will never meet anyone i feel about the way i feel about him. I tried everything to make it work and he just has no desire to. I started dating and the guy is great on paper, we have all the same interests, he lives nearby, hes nice to me, he likes being around me (vs my ex who blew me off and ran hot and cold). ive gone out with him twice but i just dont care really about seeing him again (even though i am tonight) i am basically forcing myself because i dont trust my judgement at the moment since my mind often strays back to my ex and wishing we were together.

My first question is if i should give the new guy more of a chance? or if i am forcing something when i feel no connection? It kind of makes me scared to think of having a new bf too and completely shutting door on my ex (crazy i know since he has said he doesnt want a gf or friends for that matter) when i first met my ex though i liked him instantly and always looked forward to seeing him so i feel like i need to meet someone who makes me feel that way again.

Second question goes to my subject line..does anyone have positive hopeful stories of where they felt like they'd never get over an ex and miss them forever to finding someone new that they just like so much more? I'm just so nervous i will ruin my life and stay hung up on him forever, i want so badly to move on and meet someone i like more. I feel like i'm having trouble detaching from it and thinking pessimistically.

Sure you can find someone better. Someone who does want to be in your Life.

But it takes time....

Time to work on accepting & healing from your break up. And also so you won't be 'comparing' anyone to your Ex (past).

You WILL get over your Ex... in time.

I suggest you do NOT move on this fast. By sounds of it, you are not over your Ex, yet. And are just using this new guy to TRY & not think about the Ex. Don't do that.

I think you should be honest with yourself & him and explain you're just not feeling it nor are you 'ready' to be dating again, at this time.

How long has it been since the break up for you OP?

AND him?

I sense that you are not ready and didn't take time to heal/recover after your last relationship. Usually takes at least 3-6 months after long term relationship.

DO NOT set yourself up for a rebound or date if you are not ready.

As Dof said, how long ago was the break up.

One thing I see a lot of people doing is rushing into a relationship after one has ended.

I feel like that's bad, and a lot of people do that out of fear or the fear of if I don't

take this chance, I might not find another person. I feel some time to be single

and find yourself again before going out with others will help out. You will get

over your ex, if you wiling to open up and be honest about healing and moving

on to a new chapter in your life.

technically we have been broken up for a year but we stayed in contact and saw eachother which made things a lot worse since i thought it meant more than he was thinking. i feel like i've already wasted so much time since i didn't go no contact right after initial breakup. So now its been about 2 weeks since we last spoke and 1 month since we last saw eachother

You only delayed the healing process by keeping in contact with your ex. I know it sucks, but that is really the only way to truly get to that point of indifference. You will find someone, after you reach that point of indifference because you will be in a better place.

I think you should just take a break from seeing the guy you are tonight, it isn't fair to him if your mind keeps wandering back to your ex.

It's plain to see that you aren't ready to date. Just work on you and you will attract the right person at the right time.

technically we have been broken up for a year but we stayed in contact and saw eachother which made things a lot worse since i thought it meant more than he was thinking. i feel like i've already wasted so much time since i didn't go no contact right after initial breakup. So now its been about 2 weeks since we last spoke and 1 month since we last saw eachother

Ok, contact = reset of healing time.

So you are 2 weeks into healing.

STAY AWAY FROM OPPOSITE SEX and take time to heal.

ESPECIALLY if you feel nothing will come of this new date. You can also tell him you are not ready, and if he is a smart men, he will respect that and give you space.

3-6 months, absolutely no contact with ex/opposite sex!!!

Work on your self, focus on yourself and become the best person you can be during this time.....so that you end up attracting a person like YOU! Cause often that's exactly what happens.

Ok, contact = reset of healing time.

 

So you are 2 weeks into healing.

 

STAY AWAY FROM OPPOSITE SEX and take time to heal.

 

ESPECIALLY if you feel nothing will come of this new date. You can also tell him you are not ready, and if he is a smart men, he will respect that and give you space.

Agreed, if you aren't ready it's not fair to you or the guy. If you're not feeling it then you aren't feeling it. If you re-connect at a later time then that's how it's supposed to be, and if you don't - then that's ok too and someone better will come along at the right time.

3-6 months, absolutely no contact with ex/opposite sex!!!

Absolutely impossible. The opposite sex part that is. Contact is JUST FINE, but dating needs to wait a little. To me contact with the opposite sex kind of helped me gauge whether I was ready. I would talk to guys but there was no spark, no real interest...and suddenly there was more and more of it and I could tell i was approaching the ability to date again.

But YES on absolutely no contact with the ex. I blocked mine from social media, phone etc. I also blocked his new gf (the one he had cheated with) and his family members that I was friends with. I told mutual friends that I'd like to stay friends but I want no updates whatsoever and they respected that.

Work on your self, focus on yourself and become the best person you can be during this time.....so that you end up attracting a person like YOU! Cause often that's exactly what happens.

This too - join a meetup group, a gym, take a class... do something new if you aren't doing anything that is a hobby. I threw myself into my hobby and surrounded myself with like-minded people. I also traveled (by myself!) and it was the best thing I've ever done.

You'll do just fine. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to find someone better, NOW. The time will come on its own.

Even though it's been a year since your break-up, the fact that you kept in touch with your ex for a long time afterward has prolonged the grieving/healing process, so it's almost like you just broke up. Thus, you're probably not emotionally ready to date yet, and if a really great guy comes along, you won't be ready for him, and you won't be into it.

I have a positive "break-up-find-someone-better" story. I was on and off with my last ex for five years, during which time he jerked me around, would come on really strong only to back completely off, etc. It finally ended for good when he made it clear he was seeing other people. I had no choice but to let go. That was 2011, and for nearly two years after that, I was in pain (partly because I work with him and had to see him several times a week, and had a terrible time letting go and moving on (he even once told me, at work, to "move on" very rudely -- ugh). As time passed, though, I moved forward, albeit slowly. In 2012, a friend set me up with a guy she knew. We went on three dates, and he just disappeared on me. I wasn't that upset about it even though he seemed like a nice guy -- I don't think I was ready anyway. In 2013, I had one coffee date that went nowhere. The rest of the time, I wasn't even trying to date (though there was a guy I was semi-interested in in 2014 who turned out to be NOT who I thought he was at all, and I'm thankful I never got involved with him!) So, I went for four years having nothing but four dates with two different guys. In hindsight, I think that was a VERY good thing for me. It gave me time to move past my ex, take care of myself, build a good life for myself. At the beginning of this year, when I wasn't even trying to find anyone, a friend introduced me to an acquaintance of hers with whom she thought I'd really hit it off. I was a little reluctant -- I was REALLY enjoying my single life (even though I did like the idea of having a companion) -- but I met him, and he turned out to be GREAT. Eight months later, things are still going really well; he is NOTHING like my ex -- pretty much the opposite of him in every way -- and he is committed and puts in the effort that a solid relationship needs. I wouldn't have been ready for him a few years ago (nor he for me -- he had gone through a divorce around the time of my final break-up with my ex), so the timing was perfect too.

I took a LONG break from dating, and I don't necessarily think that's the right choice for everyone, but maybe you could just use some more time with NOT being in contact with your ex to give you time to properly heal.

Take some time on your own to get the ex out of your mind. I took three years off after my divorce before I started dating again. I hiked, biked, canoed, camped, fished, travelled, enjoyed friends etc.

Still some of the best time I've ever spent in my life. I was beholden to no one and could do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.

You don't need someone to make you happy. When you're actually ready and want companionship again get out there. I'm engaged to be married and incredibly happy.

You don't need to rush things. Theres no best before date for finding love.

Sounds like you aren't ready to date anyone yet. Maybe you should just focus on having fun and worry about making yourself a better person, rather than thinking you need someone to make you better.

Absolutely impossible. The opposite sex part that is. Contact is JUST FINE, but dating needs to wait a little. To me contact with the opposite sex kind of helped me gauge whether I was ready. I would talk to guys but there was no spark, no real interest...and suddenly there was more and more of it and I could tell i was approaching the ability to date again.

Contact often leads to "friendships" which are a mask for dating/relationship (often).