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I am 17 years old, lost my mom when I was 5, in 2003, and my brother was 10. I never really knew her because she had cancer for the last 3 years of her life, meaning when I was 2-5 years old. My dad sent me to kindergarten for 3 years for me to live like a normal child, and feel like a normal one. And I remember so clearly the day she died. She died after 3 days of my birthday, and also celebrated my birthday in the hospital. I couldn't acknowledge her death until years later because I was too young. Then thing is that, I am hurt. I am experiencing an unbearable amount of pain. I somewhat feel guilty, and for some reason having difficulties when it comes to trusting someone. My dad is an incredible dad and I am grateful, and my brother too, but I sometimes need a woman in the family to talk to, not just anyone, I want my mom. I would never knew missing someone you never knew was possible. And yes i go to therapy, but its for something else, i don't like to bring my mom up. Would this feeling get better? Or am I always gonna feel empty in some kind of way?

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I think what you are feeling is normal, given the circumstances. You may end up getting married to a man who has a great mother that will treat you like her own daughter. Maybe that is a exactly what you need?

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is although that terrible disease took her away from you and you never got to really know your mom, it's never too late in life to get the relationship you've always wanted. I know several women who have a mother-in-law that "adopted" them. They are closer to their mother-in-law than they are to their living mother. Maybe this is what you are looking for and you don't know it yet? No one can ever replace your mom, but you can have a mother-daughter type of relationship in your 20s, 30s, and 40s if you get an amazing mother-in-law.

 

At any rate, I'm very sorry for your loss.

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I'm sorry OP, that is heartbreaking you lost your mom so young. let me say something. Both my parents are alive, but I am in a similar predicament to you. I am a guy (25), and my dad is a heavy alcoholic that basically doesn't care about anything other than his next beer. I could never (and still can't) talk to my dad about many things. I have a bad rep with women and dating and part of it is I feel my dad never gave me good advice with women or anything. I never have someone to talk to about it. My mother isn't the same, I don't' feel comfortable talking to her about everything.

 

Do you have ANY relatives that you can talk to? Aunts, cousins, anything? If not, it's hard to say what you should do. But I agree with BMP - find a nice man someday and his mother may treat you like a daughter. You sound like a nice young woman already, just keep your head up. I would say find some friends on this forum female. There are people all out there willing to listen to you if you look. Good luck!

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Thank you so much, and I am so sorry that you are feeling this type of way with your dad. I have relatives, but me my dad his girlfriend and my brother moved to another country so i don't see them. Not a big fan of them either. Also definitely NOT a big fan of my dads girlfriend. But as you said, i hope i can find a good man and good friends to surround me with. Thank you so so much for replying to this post in the first place, means a lot to me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

You can also become friends with woman who give you that motherly feeling. When my moms mom was dying, she became friends with an older woman at a part time job she worked. She got to know this woman who still is a good friend 30 years later. My mom says she's a motherly figure in her life and filled the gap.

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