Trying to Stay Strong

So here I am on day 45 of no contact and want to know why, over the weekend, I am feeling worse?

Are these just emotions I have to let run their course?

I had a missed call today of a private number and thought it could be my ex, or has too much time passed? I think that may have set me back.

Any advice to stay strong? I've come this far.

Thanks

First of all, congrats on 45 days that's quite the accomplishment!

You aren't alone and its perfectly normal to feel worse suddenly or have emotional/mental setbacks. It took me 4 months to get over my last ex. Id be good for a month then a week or two would happen where im completely miserable about her. Then fine again, then angry, then sad, etc. Emotions about exs, especially during NC comes in waves. Hang in there and know that as long as you stay NC, it WILL pass.

In my experience private numbers are normally telemarketers

Many private numbers these days are marketing calls.

Thanks, I just want to shake this feeling off. I really feel terrible. I've felt like this on and off for a couple of weeks. I thought I was getting stronger.

You are, but progress is like a staircase. You advance and then you hit a plateau where it doesn't feel like you are progressing, but you are. Every day is making you better.

That doesn't mean you won't have down days. Weekends especially can trigger that because that's when old habits come into play - things you used to do together, routines, etc. So just keep busy and work on creating new habits, new routines. You will be fine.

I never thought I could come this far and know it would be a big mistake to smash all my hard work to pieces. I don't know why but it's curiosity to know whether he thinks of me. People tell me he probably is so to just leave it at that and not probe further.

Recovery from a break up doesn't happen in a straight line. You don't necessarily get progressively better.

There are times when you've taken 2 steps forward, and then you feel as if you've gone back 5 steps. Eventually, you realise that it was all part of the grieving and processing and that you were getting better.

Feeling awful means that you're dealing with the difficult stuff, even if it's unconscious. Feeling awful means it's coming to the surface, so you can actually feel it and deal with it.

Well done for maintaing NC. Believe me, you'll feel 100% worse if you break it.

Yes, I have a feeling I'll truly regret it if I did break contact. However, I'd just like to hear his voice. I'm even having dreams of him talking to me.

Stay strong! 45 days would all go down the drain and you would find yourself starting over if you gave in to "just wanting to hear his voice"!!!!

Yes, I have a feeling I'll truly regret it if I did break contact. However, I'd just like to hear his voice. I'm even having dreams of him talking to me.

OK, this is when you really need to distract yourself with something. Anything. Go volunteer at a dog shelter. Go out with some meetup group with a bunch of strangers where you have to mingle and do something different. Basically, distract your mind with something, anything at all. If you like to read, go get a new book, if you don't, read one anyway. Seriously - do something you don't normally do just to hit a refresh button in your brain so you don't get stuck in this groove.

I've read all kinds of advice where they say no contact for 30, 60, 90 days helps. Surely my ex must be hurting to if breaking up hurts this bad?

No, and it is counter productive to think that way. Because you are picturing breaking contact and both of you cry and say how great it was and, and, and...

And it is just as likely that 45 days later he has thrown himself into making some changes and is happy.

Great job with 45 days!

Good job keep it up ok. Im still on my first day lol

I've read all kinds of advice where they say no contact for 30, 60, 90 days helps. Surely my ex must be hurting to if breaking up hurts this bad?

Well, the best advice I can give you is stop thinking about him all together. Each thought = deeper into hole.

It's a little dip in your recovery, relax and keep doing what you ahve been doing.

Thanks for all the advice. I don't know whether it's because I'm finally accepting it's finally over. Grief's a funny thing - especially when the person you grieve for is still alive.