Whats wrong with him?

Okay so my ex and me broke up I dumped him because i felt taken for granted and he got back with his baby mama who cheated on him and got preggo by another guy. The breakup was hard on him they were together 4 years and he claims he went back instead of trying to fix things between us(I tried giving him a second chance) because she was the mother of his kids and part of the family he created. and that was hard to give up because he never had a family growing up basically she treats him like **** from what he's told me i don't think theres love between them and he told me a week ago if he could have a do over he would stay with me. and when i asked he said maybe someday we would have another chance. but that he made his bed and has to sleep in it. why would he even say that if he still wanted to stay with her i thought that was inappropriate. Whats wrong with him. i mean if you had a chance to fix a mistake where you made your bed and have to sleep in it you would right. Im just all confused what do you thinks wrong with him. Ive been trying to go no contact but before i got a chance to block him he texted me all this. Im just so upset that he gets to move on with "her" But is essentially robbing me of healing faster by saying these things. He doest want me to move on it seems which is incredibly selfish!

There's nothing wrong with him. He is trying to take responsibility for the consequences of his actions.

He isn't robbing you of anything.

I just wonder why he said if he had a do over he would have picked me if he doesn't want to be with me. Especially when im trying to get over him and he knows it that is very wrong.

To make you feel better. Fact of the matter, life doesn't have a do over button so it's kind of pointless to say that.

I agree with mhowe, to make you feel better. Also quite possibly to keep you with that in mind in case he decides to run back to you yet again or wants to persuade you to be his piece on the side.

None of these things make for a good partner and there is no reason you should even be in touch with him at all. He did, as he said, make his bed and now he needs to lie there fully. That means no contact with other women than his baby momma for one.

Personally, this guy sounds all over the map and emotionally a mess. You have dodged a bullet even if you don't see it now, but people who run back to partners that treat them badly are simply not ready to have a good relationship at all. They get off on the drama and chaos even as they say they don't and suck others into their orbit to create still more drama and chaos.

Refuse to be a part of his problems, go NC and walk away. Or stay and be part of his drama play that he is enjoying thoroughly or he would have put an end to long ago. You can be a good father and not engage in your partner's bad behaviors. His "I didn't have a family growing up" is just an excuse. I know two different people with similar backgrounds, they have families just fine and are drama free.

Sorry, hon it's actually who he is. He likes his drama, he isn't giving up either of you any time soon so long as one or both of you sticks around and continues to let him stir things up. And I say that, because if he was really sincere about keeping his family together he wouldn't have left in the first place, would not have involved outside parties--I.e. you--or would have simply gone for custody of the kids and left her to fend for herself. That's what an emotionally healthy, sane person would do. He didn't.

Plus now he's whining, because the choice he made is harder. He has to be accountable to and responsible for children instead of off having fun with a single gal. Too bad, he should have used birth control if he didn't' want the work that comes with children. I have zero sympathy for people who whine about "shoulda taken the easier road" when they were the ones who put themselves there in the first place. She didn't hold a gun to his head and tell him to have sex with her without birth control. Seriously, just give this guy the boot altogether.

Yeah the "I never had a family" excuse plus wanting to keep the family together makes little sense since the kids are now in the custody of his family. they only have visits because CAS took them away because of things she did. She did dump him but yeah if he was serious about trying to make it work in the future pursuing me was unfair. But I guess yeah he has to step up now and take care of the baby she's pregnant with now since the baby's father isn't in the picture. lol yeah he always whines I don't think im gonna talk to him again he's not who i thought he was.

you can keep telling yourself how horrible and unhealthy their arrangement is, but that doesn't change the fact he keeps choosing it, and has stated his choice is final.

he isn't interfering with your healing. you are interfering with your healing by venting about what an unhealthy choice he made instead of accepting his choice as reality and moving on.

you can start by blocking him.

I think a bigger and better question is, what is wrong with YOU?

Why are you even communicating with this guy. He is no good. Block him already so you can move on and find a REAL man.

Thank you I have now, But you have to admit him saying those things is counterproductive to allowing anyone to move on. Even if it was not his intention. You can't have you cake and eat it too is what I was saying.

He is or isn't doing things to deal with you or your issues. He is saying and doing things to deal with his.

Thank you I have now, But you have to admit him saying those things is counterproductive to allowing anyone to move on. Even if it was not his intention. You can't have you cake and eat it too is what I was saying.

Here is what he is saying.

Be on stand by in case things don't work out on my end.

Fact that you are actually listening is kind of sad. He wants you to be the "stand by" girl......

Just ignore him. Don't be THAT girl.

I see that now... And I guess I just can't believe he's not the person I thought he was. I would never be a second choice. To everyone else he's so kind and generous even to those who hurt him but to me im just nothing when I should be treated like everything. I helped him through his depression/greif caused by her and when he was strong again he went back to her. In the end he doesn't know how precious I am and thats his fault. I really should work on moving forward though. No matter how hard..

I see that now... And I guess I just can't believe he's not the person I thought he was. I would never be a second choice. To everyone else he's so kind and generous even to those who hurt him but to me im just nothing when I should be treated like everything. I helped him through his depression/greif caused by her and when he was strong again he went back to her. In the end he doesn't know how precious I am and thats his fault. I really should work on moving forward though. No matter how hard..

I think there is a lot to learn from this relationship FOR YOU.

a) don't "help" people.

b) work to find the best person you can possibly find, not ones that have trouble/need work/help etc

c) make sure whoever you date is not right out of a relationship. If they don't take time to heal for few months after long term relationship, they are simply not smart and are setting themselves AND you up for failure.

Good luck

He isn't making you feel a certain way...that is your feelings and you have control of what you feel. It does sound like he is placing you on stand-by, although I wouldn't even put it that way. Obviously he has feelings for you and would love to be with you, but he has responsibilities in life, which you were aware of from the beginning, that he is now putting away his personal desires to instead be a father. You need to respect that. If his actions in the near future are to run to you, then you need to keep him at an arms length for sure. But quite frankly, he could easily be stating.

"I would love to be with you, I have feelings for you, but I can't be with you or develop these feelings for you now. I need to be a father. Who knows what the future holds...I just need to be in the present for my kids."

Hold up, his kids are with CAS? SMH he's bulling you totally. A father who cared about those kids would have been there for them, not neglecting his own children right there with her so the State had to step in to protect them.

Ooooh, holding my head, this one has Jerry Springer written all over him. Abort the mission, abort it now. He is walking bad news. And I hope to dear god CAS is on high alert over the current pregnancy. Seriously, people who can't take care of kids have no business having them and he is as bad as her if he let that happen.

"But I guess yeah he has to step up now and take care of the baby she's pregnant with now since the baby's father isn't in the picture."

- he doesn't 'have to'. This was his choice to.

When a couple breaks up and children are involved, the ONLY time you need to communicate is in regards to the children, only.

I agree with his using 'excuses'. He's just plain out selfish and messed up!

Best thing to do now is remove yourself from everything to do with him. Let him deal with his ex and their Life and move on to have one of your own.

Without someone who's this messed.