Thousands of texts deleted, "Just Friends"

I'm sure stuff like this is becoming more and more common, but it's driving me nuts. Here's my scenario...

Last week I discovered that over the past 4 months, over 24,0000 of the 33,000+ texts she sent / received were between her an a guy she used to work with years ago. I knew that they talked from time to time, but never this high a frequency. Not only that, but his name was not programmed in her phone, and she was deleting the texts as they came through.

I called her out on it on Friday, and she insisted they just "B.S. about TV, art, and stuff like that.".

As much as I want to believe her, I'm having a really hard time. She insisted that she wouldn't talk to him anymore, but she doesn't seem to understand why I'm taking issue with it. Had it been an occasional text, it would be one thing. But this was every waking moment. Moreso than anything, she thinks I'm just an a**hole now for looking into it.

Advice.

Walk away. The lies will only increase.

you don't put fake names in your cell phone if your not hiding something.

The real pain in the ass is that I have nothing to go on but her word. I can't "prove" there were any meetings, anything physical, etc. So I'm left with either making the decision that I flat out don't believe her, or trusting that they won't talk again. It's an impasse I'd really rather not be at. We've been together 14+ years and have 2 kids. So if I dump the whole thing over something that looks really bad, I honestly have nothing but my assumptions to go on.

At this point, she's firm on what she's already told me. I'm not getting anything else out of her. My only other option is to contact the guy himself, and I'm not really sure that's a discussion I want to have. Honestly, I'd have no reason to believe anything he tells me.

You're in the right, but she's sticking to the whole "lie long enough, loud enough, hard enough to hope they believe you." Plus she knows or counts on you wanting to believe her, but come on. We all know what that level of texting means and P.S. it isn't sharing recipes.

I did that whole "accept their flimsy excuse" routine and guess what? They still continued to cheat on me, so yeah if it was me I'd be gone knowing what I know now. Or if there's nothing to hide and they're just friends then meeting the two of them together shouldn't be an issue, right?

Also when exactly did she find time to do that much bloody texting in the first place? Are you the one working and paying the bills while she stays at home? If the answer is yes then I think you need to pack a bag for her , call the guy up and tell him you're sending the girlfriend to stay with him for awhile and he can pay her bills 'cause you're done.

what you have to go on are thousands of deleted texts with someone you weren't even aware she was in touch with. one doesn't hide friends and delete their texts and i think you didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday...

so...call it what it is and walk.

Everything I'm hearing is basically everything I'm thinking, but I guess I'm having a hard time admitting it.

As I had stated, messaging here and there is not something that would set me off on something like this. It's that the #'s are staggering.

And yes, I am the one working full-time plus, while she's at home. Again, another reason I'm upset about it is because every time she said she didn't have time to do something, my immediate thought is "because you were talking to him all the time".

She is hiding stuff from you and getting into inappropriate and disrespectful behavior (when it comes to your relationship).

Besides, isn't this a rule in your relationship? No single opposite sex friends?

I would just end it....she is no good....

This is were the opposite sex friendship NO NO comes into place for me...If this person is that important, obviously he would of been brought up or mentioned in some type of convo. He was hidden from you. If it was just Art, then why did she never say anything...Because there is obviously more going on.

He's not single either, which is something I even brought up. Does his fiance know that he's spending all his time talking to her? Highly doubtful.

So because he is engaged, you are willing to "drop this" for the sake of WHAT?

Relationships are based on honesty and trust. Yours has neither.

This isn't going away...she is doing this for you...not for the relationship. she sounds resentful in the way you came accross. I doubt deep down she thinks she is wrong. she will probably find another way to communicate with him..

He's not single either, which is something I even brought up. Does his fiance know that he's spending all his time talking to her? Highly doubtful.

His relationship status is not your concern.

Heck, HE is not your concern.

Your girl is your only concern and she should no longer be that......

your only concern now should be that your gf is a proven double dealing liar. i think you need some self respect and not make light of her transgression.

his marital status and her simply saying it's over with them changes nothing.

just gets weirder, cause I notice now that I can no longer see his profile on Facebook. This can mean one of two things. She did get in contact with him after our discussion on Friday, or he noticed that he's blocked from her stuff and he got scared. Man I really don't want this to be happening.

I just went thru this - except e-mails - Walk

seriously.

dude. she had been in concealed contact with him for 4 flippin months. refused to take responsibility-for over thrity thousand deleted texts; and acted like you're an a-hole for calling her out on it. do you honestly expect to find an excuse or proof that this isn't in fact happening?

seriously.

yeah. seriously.

I appreciate the honesty, and I'll be the first to admit that I've been trying to tread lightly. But it seems more and more like that's not even realistic and I'm just trying to convince myself that she's telling the truth. I was planning to have someone keep an eye on the house while I'm at work this week, but I couldn't hold onto it all weekend and through today (I work at home on Mondays), so I confronted her on Friday. Guess I should've tried to stave it off and find even more truth, cause there's apparently nothing but lies going on here.

That is on average 200 texts a day by my calculations. She isn't 14 for goodness sake.

Do this. Tell her you have been thinking about it and since this guy is such a big part of her day everyday that you all should have dinner together. You and your wife and him and his fiancé. If she says that he isn't a big part of her day simply tell her that they text back and forth over 200 times a day so you would like to meet him and get to know him too.

See how she reacts.

Doing nothing is not an option unless you are willing to eat your emotions forever.

I would bet there are other red flags you have been ignoring and your gut has been telling you something isn't right.

When you suggest the dinner be upbeat and happy about the idea like you are going to finally going to get to meet one of her long time friends.

They will probably switch their communication to snap chat so you can't track them on the cell bill.

Keep your eye and ears open, something isn't right and you know it.

Lost

There is nothing else for you to find.

You already know she is up to no good. This won't change.

A decent woman will not engage into "friendships" or "relationships" with other man. As they are not naive and know that such thing is simply impossible.

99.99% of men will never be around a woman they don't find attractive. And that is NOT a definition of a "friendship"....or a foundation of one.

I find it suspicious. I text some people (male/female) and it's nowhere NEAR that much. How is she able to get things done? Totally inappropriate.

Oh, and fake names/deleting texts just from him? no way.

Everyone on here is so quick to tell this guy to walk. While I agree that she is definitely doing something inappropriate with the other guy and that she will never admit to everything (she may admit to a small part of it in hopes that he'll stop asking about it), they have children together. Walking is not so simple in that situation. What about seeing a relationship therapist? The problem is that even if things get "fixed," you'll probably always have trust issues and that will impact the relationship. I just think it's careless for everyone to tell this guy to walk when they have kids. If there were no kids, I'd walk immediately. Children complicate the situation.

Everyone on here is so quick to tell this guy to walk. While I agree that she is definitely doing something inappropriate with the other guy and that she will never admit to everything (she may admit to a small part of it in hopes that he'll stop asking about it), they have children together. Walking is not so simple in that situation. What about seeing a relationship therapist? The problem is that even if things get "fixed," you'll probably always have trust issues and that will impact the relationship. I just think it's careless for everyone to tell this guy to walk when they have kids. If there were no kids, I'd walk immediately. Children complicate the situation.

Nope, I agree with you. Counselling first and foremost. Even couples without children, if they are committed, may opt for therapy too. But with kids involved, you should try to avoid splitting up the family if you can help it. Maybe it can be repaired.

Well, yes. They should try to work it out wherever possible, especially if there's kids. However, it complicates matters when his wife is obviously keeping secrets from him. When confronted she did nothing but beat around the bush instead of admitting straight out, "Yes, I was texting with him. It was inappropriate. I'm sorry. This is how it happened and this is why..."

I would hope that she would want to open up to him so they can work it out, one way or another, but a marriage can't possibly survive if only one person is holding up their end.

But yeah, it's hard when there are kids involved. Since they've been together for 14 years, they're obviously underage as well. I'm sorry this is happening to you, OP.

My 2 cents...that ridiculous amount of texts and deleting them...hiding them under a fake name...it's pretty damn obvious what's going on. This is the crucial time, where your wife can try to turn around and become a better wife and mother, or let things get worse.