Littleblondeon Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 My partner and I have been together almost 4 years, living together for 3. When we first got together there was a lot of messing around I.e he went on holiday and met a girl and cheated on me. Eventually we resolved this and have been in what I thought was a committed relationship ever since. I however have several problems and doubts leading me to ask for advice. In summary ut was really hard to build a castle on the quicksand at the start of our relationship therefore I feel I have always been looking for signs of him being unfaithful. Still I have tried to maintain control esp in lads holidays for example. Having said this, I have found him emailing a girl who he states is just a friend numerous times including saving a photo of her on his phone as her mate had a large chest and he wanted to show his friends... The holiday romance from all these years ago, he checks on social media for regularly... The whopper that caught me off guard as the several online Skype sex sessions from chatroulette... Even messaging one of them whilst I was in bed next to him. Our sex life has tanked and he claims this helped him to feel horny again and he doesn't see it as infertility. On top of this, he doesn't seem anywhere near committing to getting engaged despite being 34 and all our friends are taking their relationship to the next level.. And I wanted too. Despite the above when we're together we have fun, he is constantly declaring his love for me and it's like I'm dating 2 people? I am ready to settle down, I don't want to waste my time on the wrong person but I nit sure. What do you think / would do if your partner had taken his fantasies out of your bed and into Skype? Please help! Link to comment
DoF Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 You don't want to waste your time on a wrong person YET that is exactly what you are and have been doing. Why in the world would you stay with a man that cheated on you at the beginning of the relationship? THAT is the way forward......and to think that you are actually considering Long Term Relationship with him tell me that you have some issues you need to workout ON YOUR END. That is quite troubling and not smart at all. Link to comment
Littleblondeon Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Agree with you there I think I was at a low ebb when we met and the rejection at the start turned into a challenge to make it work.. Now I'm worse off I agree with you! Link to comment
DoF Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Think of early relationship/dating as "interview" (to an extent of course). You are constantly evaluating the person in your head and making sure they are long term relationship material and if they are fit. You are also looking for red flags. You missed all of that with this relationship. This is ON YOU. I also recommend holding off on intimacy for this very reason. When you get intimate too fast it makes you blind and cloudy to these things (above). You also put the relationship into overdrive and skip crucial steps. Hold off until you know the person WELL. This takes TIME. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I cannot fathom why you would stay. His actions and his words are not even in the same language. He is not committed to you nor the relationship. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Well, cheating more than once points to him being a serial cheater, those never change. They just talk a great game about how they will, but nope. It's time to exit and never look back no matter how much he swears "this time" he really means it. He won't. He has a twisted need to have you in the background while he pursues fun, because it's convenient for him. Never mind what you need or want. There are other, far better prospects in the world. Heck, being single is better than being with a chronic cheater bluntly speaking. And making a bad relationship isn't like running a marathon. You shouldn't have to feel challenged that you need to make something work when it's barely gotten off the ground. Kids and property in the picture or two countries going to war if you break up yeah well maybe, but if you need challenges I hear mountain climbing is a whole lot better. Much less time wasted too. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Your trust has been jeopardized since the beginning... And to this day... you do NOT trust him. "I feel I have always been looking for signs of him being unfaithful. Still I have tried to maintain control esp in lads holidays for example." You KNOW of all of the things he's been doing. Why play blind to it? This is sad. Sorry you've been messed with for so long Can you actually see this EVER succeeding to a 'healthy' relationship?? So, YOU answer this...>> "What do you think / would do if your partner had taken his fantasies out of your bed and into Skype?" And, on more thing... NEVER compare your life/situation to anyone else's. Everyone moves along at their own pace... Things change, people change, things happen. it is not YOUR Life. Link to comment
Littleblondeon Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 Thanks for the advice all I really appreciate it. Completely right I know what I need to do! Link to comment
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