A state of deep depression.

My ex dumped me about a month ago, she said that she wanted to figure out who she is outside of a relationship, a lie obviously. Turns out that she was unhappy... I loved her so much.. The amount of love that I had for her could not be comprehended, seeing a smile on her face was my goal.. She is 18 and I'm 19 and we dated for 9 month.. When she dumped me and then kissed a dude 2 days later and then 3 more days later she had sex with him, she was so heartless and she told me that she won't date for a very long time, fast forward a month later she is now day if a guy that used to be my friend, he lied to her about me, he told her that I cheated on her, dated two girls before her, drink alcohol. Non of that is true. She is now dating him which means that she must believe him, I told her that he is a liar and he is using her and she called me a sore loser and said that I am trying to ruin things.. I'm not... I fear for her because deep Inside I still love her... I can't unlove her, I told her what this guy that used to be my friend did, there was this girl that he kept leading her on for a year and he told her he liked her and then just left her and went with my ex.. I showed her photo proof of what he did and she didn't reply for like 10 minutes and then she blocked me off of everything... I don't know why... I'm so depressed... Our one year was supposed to be tomorrow, I'm trying to move on and I did what my friends said and slept with another girl but it didn't help, if anything it made it worse, I'm trying to move on but it's so goddamn hard.. I need help, I cry my self to bed everyday while she is out there. Keep in mind that she dumped me on text when she was away in South Africa, she is back now. All what she did there was smoke weed and get high and drunk and hooked up with the guy that gave her her weed.. After all the promises, after she promised me that she will never leave me... I am destroyed, I feel like dying.

First sentence: I don't think it was a complete lie. Many people do feel lost while in a relationship and feel that their own personality gets swamped. Try a wife, grown up daughter, dog, etc. I feel very buried under it all and I'm about 3 times your age.

What is totally clear to me is that she just didn't dump you out of the blue. Even though she may have hidden it from you, she had probably been considering and planning an exit for a few weeks. I can tell you as both dumper and dumpee that, usually, by the time the dump comes, that there's little of no feeling left. When I was the dumpee, I always considered that the dumper deliberately went out of their way to hurt me as much as they could, like dating my friends. NOBODY likes their friends dating their exes. As you have found out, there is lots of truth twisting and the chances are she's lying to him as well as him lying to her and they're both telling porkies about you.

Having said that, there's no guarantee, that they won't eventually settle down together. Whilst, I sympathise with you (having been there!), to her you are a sore loser. The fact is that she had moved on emotionally before she dumped you and, 3 months later, you haven't yet. There's no magic formula for moving on and getting over someone. I cannot pretend it was easy but there is life after love and can be love after love, says he 20+ years into his 2nd marriage.

Like the person said above, sometimes people really need to find themselves, and some people find themselves through other people. I believe there are two kinds of people in the world, one capable of deep introspection and finding happiness from within, and one needing approval through others, seeing themselves in the mirror that is other people. Social media is a great reflection of this phenomenon, but I digress.

All in all, I understand what you are going through. I have actually been there as the dumper, not knowing what love/commitment/devotion was, though I think I've always handled it much better and with much more respect since that is important for me. For some people however, the most important thing is to get out and do it for themselves, which involves throwing the previous relationship under the back-burner.

We are all still young and I would be lying if I told you it was easy to move on. I recently had a bad breakup of my own and almost a month and a half later, I still find it difficult to date other women because of the memories it would bring up, and these are wonderful people too.

Only time can heal this pain, but just stay strong, work on yourself.

It is so much easier to give advice than to actually follow it. I understand the feeling of wanting her back, and knowing how important she was, but that is really out of your control. If she truly felt the connection between you two, she will be back.

Good points. Although I am capable of deep introspection, I do need validation from others. Fortunately, with a grown up daughter and dog, my wife is not the only source of this validation. I have never been able to find happiness from within, only when good things happen in life. When I was younger, I achieved validation by competing in various things and winning a shedload of trophies.

When one relies on one person for over half of their validation (as I once did), when the relationship ends, one's whole life breaks down. Been there and got the T-shirt, I'm afraid.

You need to stop talking to her all together. Until you do so you can't start the healing process.

Think about it though, what kind of a girl breaks up and 2 days later gets involved and ends up sleeping with another guy/rebound type of a deal.

The answer: not a smart one.

This is NOT a girl you want.

Ignore her/block her and give it TIME. Don't do what she did and jump into another relationship without being ready. It's going to take few months for you to get over her.

It WILL get better with time. But you cannot start this process by communicating with her. Cut her off completely......

Good luck