Does online cyber relationships count as affairs?

I have been married 7 months to a man I met a year and a half ago. We have been having a rough patch because he recently lost his job and he has become depressed. We started to see a marriage counselor and have been to 4 sessions but cannot afford to continue. The other night i found an email from him to another woman telling her "Now I can help you get a divorce" I was a little floored by this and asked him what this was about he said it was just a friend looking for Divorce advice. When i looked into previous emails it became appearent she was not just a friend but that there was sort of relationship going on. There was some intimate talk and use of words like babe and honey. He later admitted that he had met her through a dating site but that because she was from the Phillipines and was already married he never considered her for a relationship. It just appeared to by some heavy flirting and fantasy role playing, It was harmless. My concern is that he met around the time he met me. When we were getting serious he told me he had ended all previous online and real life relationships and actually really kept hammering that point home. We became engaged several months later and he continued to tell me that he was an honorable person and that cheating and flirting were not things that promoted a good marriage. I later found via the emails that he was carrying on this relationship up until our marriage and continued to have her as a face book friend. He claim it was nothing but every time I asked something new came up. She went from being just a friend to being an online dating relationship, he admitted to chatting with her talking on the phone with her skyping with her all while we dated and were engaged. While he admits it was ill advised he feels he did nothing wrong. Her emails to him discuss her developing feelings for him and i feel that not only did he lie to me but that he was leading her on as he didn't end it when she was telling him she was developing feelings. the way i see it is if you are in a committed relationship you don't discuss things of a sexual nature and skype with some one who is A. married and B. just a friend. He says i am blowing things out of proportion. He did send her an email telling her that it wrong for him to offer divorce advice as he was newly married and he took her off face book. i now feel as if i have been cheated on and i feel I married some one I never really knew.

Any relationship that has to be hidden, or one that you are not welcome to participate in, I consider an affair. Online or not - and dating site people should be cut off, especially since you both are married. This is a bad sign.

Any relationship that has to be hidden, or one that you are not welcome to participate in, I consider an affair. Online or not - and dating site people should be cut off, especially since you both are married. This is a bad sign.

Agreed. Whatever you hide, can't do in front of your spouse, do behind their back etc = affair (imo).

Yes, it is a form of cheating. Whether it is as bad as a snog or worse is down to whether photos of an intimate nature have been exchanged.

Well you married him after 11 months? That's way too rushed imo. But what he did and is doing is wrong and it is cheating. I wouldn't stay if I were you. Would get the marriage annuled.

he told me he had ended all previous online and real life relationships and actually really kept hammering that point home

well, how many online relationships were there? i would have felt a little weird about someone who frequently escapes into fantasy pseudo relationships with screen names.

imo, either you come up with a way to continue counseling (it's a shot) or tell him to take her up on the helping with the divorce offer. a divorce is also pricy btw, i agree maybe look into annulment.(i also agree it may have been a rushed marriage. it appears you haven't gotten to know him as well as you'd have wanted to, had doubts about his contacts on (and off?)line, and if i'm reading it properly, when times were somewhat rough financially...i wonder why you'd rush in.)

he knows intimacy behind your back is an issue, whether online or off. i'd call one who consistently goes behind your back with other women and crazymakes you for protesting a p.o.s. frankly and i wouldn't try to find a middle ground with a person whose ethics i considered to be on a significantly different level than i would deem appropriate. you'd have to live with the knowledge of his moral plateau and find a way to be fine with it- and the thing is the back tires when one forces themself to stoop that low for prolonged periods.

don't want to give an impression that everyone should just split at first sign of trouble (it seems popular to point that out whenever someone suggests the partner's consistent failure at respecting certain standards is a clarion call to move on to better suited ventures). but i am saying that he has shown what his level of honesty and conduct is, and he has shown he doesn't intend to hold himself to a higher level, by calling your expectations/standards ridiculous basically.

when a cheater and a liar ridicules you for your "moralistic attitude", i doubt you have anything to look forward to if you stay.

couple's theraphy is geared towards people who appreciate one another and are willing to learn how to show that. not people who want you to stop expecting decency from them, or fixing rotten characters.

I'd say he doesn't have much realistic intention of changing.

I don't think length of time before marriage is, in itself, a good indication of how long a marriage will last. There were special circumstances that I won't go into but I met and married my wife very quickly. I was with my ex wife for years before we moved in and we still split anyway. Some people just are not morally nice people and they are good at hiding it.

Yes, this situation is an emotional affair, and your husband is unfaithful and dishonest. I am so sorry!