early 20s/quarter life crisis

I'm 23 pushing 24 on the 29th of this month, hitting my mid 20s now. But I feel like I'm having a quarter life crisis. Why?

-Growing anxiety at times. Depression at times of reflecting on past regrets of not reaching social milestones(lots of friendships, having sex, going to college parties. Bascically not reaching the "traditional" American college male gender role)

-I haven't had sex and that's to the best of my knowledge despite "brain fog" from the college "fast lane" of alcohol and marijuana smoking. I've been to parties, and had been close to have sex but didn't. The closest I've been to having sex has been Dec 2014 and March 2015. Dec 2014, my friend and his FWB girl and his other male friend and I nearly had a 4 way in her house; we somewhat did foreplay(clothed) somewhat in bed. I did touch her a bit and I thought we were going to have sex because I thought his FWB was taking her shirt off and I was about as well. But we didn't. The second time I almost had sex, was when I asked my friend about hooking up with his FWB girl for a three way. He was cool with it and pitched it to his girl, but she declined.

-I lie that I slept with 5-6 girls when I'm in college or at bars to maintain a degree of "masculinity." I mean it feels "cool" to say I've "slept" with girls to claim masculinity/heterosexuality. I haven't had sex per se but I've been around people that have hooked up, but I can bs saying that I have to make it appear like I have.

-I haven't been in a relationship in any part of my life. Like I've said, I know I mostly like girls but I haven't actually been in a LTR or FWB at all.

-Brief times I question my sexuality. Of certain male friends I hanged out with(maybe one or two), I've felt some "closeness." My younger friend T (that had the FWB girl) and I had hugged a lot and did brush his hair once or twice. I felt it was more fraternal/platonic/"broish" somewhat. At times, I question my sexuality when I want to "hook up" with a younger guy. I mean I have somewhat of a preference for younger guys in my college(18-21), White, preppy, blonde, mostly straight, curious. However, most of the time, I prefer girls to have a hook up with. Lately, I keep posting Craiglist ads of wanting to hook up with a 18-21 White preppy curious guy.

-I'm in grad school, but I act like I'm 18-19-20 still why? My first go around in college('10-'14), had sucked but this time I want to make "one comeback" of trying to get with a few girls, go to some good parties, have a crew of bros(friends), etc. I have gone to a few good parties, I've established some friendships, but have not had sex yet.

-I question the status of my friendships. I have made friends in "College Part 2.0" as I call my grad school life. Most of my new friends in "College Part 2" are younger than me, because I live on campus. I was close to two friends(T and R).We got a long okay to a degree. I mean we did have good and bad times, it wasn't perfect but we worked all our bs out. I felt somewhat of acceptance in college for the first time, because I was hanging out with T and R on almost a daily basis from late October to early May of this year, and I nearly did that with anyone I had been with. I felt some connection to them and it bothered me, when T's fire alarm went off in Feb '15 because of weed smoke and had an eviction notice. Thank the good lord I wasn't there(knock on wood), because I would've got expelled from my college. T wasn't expelled just kicked out of the dorm though. I felt bad, because I felt a connection to T and I should've told him to stop smoking in the dorm.

I did know people in my grad program but didn't hang out with them on the reg like T and R. I mean, I did get a beer or two with some people at the Chilli's on campus but I didn't consider my classmates as "friends." I did know this one stoner girl that I split an edible with as an acquaintance and this other girl JS as a friend somewhat, but she was a stoner. Her friends and I and her had chilled one time at a bar, but afterward she had commented that they had said some critical things about me. I wasn't drunk off my butt at the bar, she said it was more of my personality or whatever. JS was somewhat of a confidante I would talk to about bs I was dealing with in the Spring. I though she was single but she wasn't, but she did have guy friends though.

I didn't have friends in the history department in the history department last year(14-15), but this year I'm somewhat making an attempt to change that. I have a friend as I consider him one, this guy I'll Th. Th is cool and he isn't arrogant or braggart like other people I've met in the department. He's near my age. Th is always busy with his work and we haven't hanged outside class. I've invited to get some beers but he's always busy the times I text him up. I do talk to other guys that are new to the program, but waiting to exchange numbers with them.

I haven't "hanged out" with much people this semester so far. "Hanging out" I mean partying and such. I've hanged out with J, he's a friend of T from high school that goes to the same college as I and lives in the same apartment/dorm complex as I. J and I have hanged out since about mid September probably about 1-2x a week. I would have a few beers and a few shots with him and his friends, and maybe smoke some green. I don't smoke too much weed like J and his friends. J's crew is different from hanging out with T. J's crew is a bit more fragmented at some points but they are cool to each other. T's core was at least me, T, R,. J's core is fragmented somewhat.

-I go to a bar alone because I don't have a "wing man bro" that's near my age to go to the bar. Like I said, most of my friends I know are under 21 and can't go with me to the bar legally. When I go to the bar, I try to break the ice and talk to people at least. And also I go to the bar, looking to hook up with a single girl. I'm not alcoholic or anything, I typically go to a bar 1-2 a wk and average 3-6 drinks and that's it. But I either "hang out" with someone(like J) or go to the bar, that's my "weekend" out look per se. I get bored of not "having a weekend" because I'm wanting to go for my "final hurrah" of college(partying a bit, hooking up).

-I feel a degree of inferiority in comparison to the majority of male students(18-24) that attend my college. In terms of sex, partying, friendships/social skills/life, I consider grade myself maybe a D+ TO C- scale to everyone else at times. And I do the same thing to people's feeds(pics of partying, girls, etc) on Facebook to mineself. I rate myself low at times when I compare myself to "success" of people.

-I'm in grad school and the workload I want to stay up hours and hours up. I somewhat skim reads of books because the texts are so dry. I don't take notes from the reads but still can muster enough to bs a few points to say in class. I feel like one of those guys from the show Mad Men, that stay up hours and hours up working. I do this from Sunday night to Wednesday night. Then Thursday night-Saturday is my "weekend."

I'm 23 pushing 24, but I feel like I haven't had enough friends, haven't had sex, don't have the 40k job yet, don't have a good GPA in grad school(I have a 3.28 and I feel like it's "Crap"), I don't have the girl of my dreams yet, I don't have the good looking car to drive around. All that bs bothers me a lot and it gets to me at times, because it seems like every year I'm in college and I haven't reached a specific "milestone", I feel like a failure compared to people.

I do see a counselor and I do input my own feelings and such, and it does help a bit.

I do not know, if I'm having a quarter life crisis or what. Not sure what people can say or comment on me because I feel so confused and unsure about my own identity and sexuality and the status and quality of my own life.

First of all 3.28 is a pretty decent GPA. Plus you're already in grad school.

I'm in my late twenties, and I can tell 23-24 was when I truly started to figure out who I was, and stopped caring about impressing others. Consequently, I became more confident and girls started liking me. Pretending to be someone else was pretty counter productive for me, people either see through it or you attract the wrong type of people. Once I found passion and interests in school, everything as started to fall into place.

First of all 3.28 is a pretty decent GPA. Plus you're already in grad school.

In graduate school, that is not a good GPA. College professors expect you to push 3.50+. If you are an undergrad, that's fairly exceptional.

I'm 23 pushing 24, but I feel like I haven't had enough friends, haven't had sex, don't have the 40k job yet, don't have a good GPA in grad school(I have a 3.28 and I feel like it's "Crap"), I don't have the girl of my dreams yet, I don't have the good looking car to drive around. All that bs bothers me a lot and it gets to me at times, because it seems like every year I'm in college and I haven't reached a specific "milestone", I feel like a failure compared to people.

You are beating yourself up with these unrealistic expectations. I'm not even sure what you are comparing yourself to that created these expectations, but they are certainly making you very discontent with yourself and are not helping you. Perhaps it's your depression/anxiety that is pushing people away from you rather than drawing them close.

Focus on the reason you are at school right now- for a better degree to find a career. You should be buckling down and studying to bring your GPA up. Partying is going to get you to flunk out. Most people in the graduate program all just want their degrees and get the heck out because they are working in careers on the side. You can party when you are done with college, have a job, and money to spend- which is what I did.

I felt that way until I had money in the bank and a stable job. I think graduating from college and moving on to the next phase of your life is just hard a lot of the time. Don't expect it to get too much better for a while, but on the bright side you'll probably look back and reminisce on how big and intimidating the real world used to seem. Like appies said, pretending to be someone you're not is going to take you down the wrong path, just be yourself.

Sorry if you're not comfortable discussing this but have you actually hooked up with any guys yet? Sometimes when one aspect of our lives is out of balance, it throws everything else off too.

24 is young enough that it's not weird to be friends with undergrads, I don't see how that's a problem unless you're getting stuck in a phase of your life. Just wait until you get a job! It'll give you at least some kind of peace of mind.

Enjoy each moment for what it is, you don't have to have it all figured out, you just have to keep trying.

In graduate school, that is not a good GPA. College professors expect you to push 3.50+. If you are an undergrad, that's fairly exceptional.

 

 

Its totally dependent on the program. Yes, grades can be inflated in some programs while others aren't. Some of the most successful people in my program had the lower GPA because they were more focused on their research and thesis.

@snny. 3.0 is the minimum GPA to "stay" in my MA-History program. I have a 3.28 about a 3.3 if rounded.

@meoww. You asked if I hooked up with guys. I'm a guy, I'm 23, and no I haven't hooked up with guys. I feel somewhat unsure about my sexuality sometimes. Like I said, I do feel somewhat curious about trying to get with younger guys at my college. I do have a preference like I said: White, Blonde, preppy, 18-21, mostly straight/curious. I thought about just giving it a try and see if I'm bi or what.

If I do hook up with a guy, it'll be a 18-21 and White and Blonde and mostly straight.

Then again, I do like women as well. So maybe I'm bi curious, I do not know. It's one of those things, I'm going to have try and see how it goes.

Hahhahahaha!!! Bro I'm sorry to say this but yeh you should get laid. But also you should maybe stop depending on other people to get you laid. If anything getting a hooker yourself would be more initiative than what you are doing now lol! Asking your bro to let you his buddy hahahhahahaha!!!!!! No wonder she said no. For real tho like maybe you are gay I have a gay radar and it's going off a bit strong like honestly nothing in the world is black and white it's different shades of grey but at the same time I somehow doubt it because you would be a bottom probably so you like dominant men which is the opposite of who you are saying you "perfer" in men. You just really need to get laid and you misdirected your sexual energies to people who you admire or want to be aka your friend with a buddy or those younger guys because you want to be them you feel a strange attraction. Ask yourself this do you want to suck their ? Or put your in their butt? Or have their in your butt and to come all on your back? Or do you want to have them suck your ? Maybe your a top hahahahha but I doubt it. I'm being mean because you got to stop faking and start making.

Let me give you some real advice.

1. Spend some money on a haircut not a cheap one get a decent one and gel it.

2. Ask your friend to help you pick an outfit for the night.

3. Make a game plan aka have place ready where your ganna go if you score. Car whatever.

4. Go to the bar, maybe one you dont go to often in case you don't want to be recognized again as the guy who sits there by himself all the time doing nothing.

5. Walk through the whole bar take careful note of the people also so everyone sees you once you don't want to pop out of nowhere.

6. Lower your ing standards hahah!! Find that older okay looking one that's alone maybe drinking by herself.If not that you are probably ed cuz yes u don't have a wingman. And you don't have game so you won't be able to talk a girl into ditching her friend for you.

7. Go to the girl and said these exact words and practice them in front of a mirror if you can't say them with confidence and practice smiling before too: "hi, my name is "_____" could I buy you a drink?" Don't say it too fast say it nice and slow and smile.

8. She can say no. In that case go to the next one and ask the same thing. But oviously be slick about it.

9. If she says yes, buy her a drink and then ask her random about herself like her name ect ect she could end up being really intresting. Don't think about sex, girls can see right through you, instead be genuinely intrested treat it as if you are interviewing her for a job aka a blowjob. KEEP BUYING HER DRINKS!!

10. Wait for the cues. You will be able to tell. When you are thinking wait could this be it that is when it is it. Try to transition the conversation smoothly and tell her this; "hey I got a confession to make. You arnt going to believe this."

Pause for her answer and dramatic effect.

"I'm a virgin."

Two things will happen either she gets turned off because she knows that if she takes your virginity you may get clingy and she doesn't want to deal with that . Or she takes it cuz girls get off on that too hahahhahahah!!!

Sorry for being mean your not going to do anything if I'm not. Good luck.

Haha wow what if she says "me too" you guys should just do it right there on the bar table.

But one last thing don't be down because of rejection. It's not a reflection of your self worth it's just someone's twisted perception of it. Only you know the true worth of yourself and you are a unique human being who deserves to pursue happiness just like everyone else.

@minrl. Your last few posts made me feel more depressed than I'm already. I'm 23, pushing to my mid 20s, and I consider myself a "failure." The way you just told me that I need to get laid and have sex, is the same type of attitude my dad has been nagging at me about brining a woman to the house since I was 18 and has the preconceived notions of Mexicano machismo. I mean he wants to be straight 100% not gay. My dad was born in 1952 and with a Mexicano upbringing. I think that's the reason why he wants to have a girl, because it represents masculinity and not "being gay." He had made B.S. assumptions if I was gay. I'm not gay per se.

Also, minrl I didn't consider having the three some as something fancy. It was more of a spring break casual sex thing.

And I don't know where the hell you got the whole top/bottom crap from. All I said, was I had brief sexual feelings for a few close guys friends in my life. That doesn't mean, I'm going to have sex with any guy I see. Though, I do have some bi curious feelings it's not something I would act on a whole lot let me point out.

And also, I've been in not a good mood lately. As I get closer to my birthday(Oct 29), I've been getting more anxious and more depressed. And I just feel like a failure sometimes, because I haven't really gotten to a point of some success or value. And the stuff you posted, signify what I've missed out in. And I just felt the same of disdain I got from people, who had claimed a sense of superiority over me when they claimed they slept with X amount of people. And every time people did that, I lost points of masculinity. And with that, I see myself a failure. And I try hard to be a man. I work out and eat right. And you have the damn balls, to assume that I can't get laid because I don't try. Bro, you don't know me. You haven't walked one second in my shoes, to understand anything of what I've dealt with.