I married a con

OMG I should have heeded the warnings everyone gave me. I'm so hurt, sad, and it's ending. Not over, because the worst is coming.

I told him I couldn't live the way he's insisting, he needed to get his life together. My mom, so generously said we, yes both, could stay for a nominal monthly fee, get our stuff in order. He was way too excited about that offer. I told him go to his moms, figure his stuff out. All hell breaks lose.

His plan all along was to steal my mother blind, through me. Not one thing he says comes to pass, and he has a million excuses.

He left me broke, in a car desperately in need of repairs, and gas. A very kind man gave me $20, to put gas in my car. I was able to get to my moms, she was expecting my arrival, 3 days has turned into indefinitely now.

He never has time to talk, doesn't answer my calls, my ex answers when I call because I'm not a caller so if I do its important. After our talk, he blocked me on Facebook, removed all evidence of my existence, uploaded a face photo of himself, he told me he hates Facebook and never uses personal photos, which is why our marriage wasn't announced, etc. Another lie.

He spent a night with a female coworker, next day story changed, his extra bed was used for a guy. He's added said girl as a friend, recent addition. This woman and I got into an argument at a sale, he took her side.

Blamed me for purposely losing my debit card, this is the first time I've received my full check. His promises to repay never happen, never his fault, of course.

I can't find him to serve him, he has a warrant, he's not coming back here, despite what he says. His Facebook says he lives in Utah, mom is my guess.

I'm really shocked honestly. I loved him, he's a con, incapable of love. He's out to get whatever he can from whomever he can get it. I gave too much. I asked my mom to hospitalize me, she calmed me down, but so many emotions. Jealousy, heartbroken, despair, anger, frustration, feeling powerless, overwhelmed.

He robbed me blind, I couldn't put him in my moms home. I don't trust him. They were right all along. Maybe I was desperate, he was a white guy. This is my karma, I was awful to my daughters dad. Not financially, but emotionally. I deserve it on some level, but I feel like dying, I want to die, but I'll survive, I always survive.

I have hidden all job accounts for now.

Are you divorced? Does he have any current influence on your finances? I think right now you need to focus on making sure you're ok-- visiting a counselor, financial counselor, maybe even lawyer, to make sure you have yourself in order. Try not to think about him too much, awful people exist and you were so unfortunate in meeting him. But you can get through this. Your body still works and you have family for you. Remind yourself that finances are not the most important thing in life by a long shot. A support network like you have in your mother is so, so much more important.

Please know that you do NOT deserve this. You were conned by a con artist, they are very good at sucking people in and that's what he did to you. It's NOT your fault.

Look up psychopath on the Internet. No, not all of them are serial killers - but many of them are serial abusers, cheats and cons. Worse still, they do it with no compunction and remorse.

This is what you've just experienced. Certain people are more vulnerable to these predators, those of us that are vulnerable and perhaps emotionally needy. That describes a lotbof the population, so you're not alone.

Get advice from a good solicitor, or legal aid about what to do. If you can't get back what he took for you, then accept it as part of the learning experience.

Life's a b*tch sometimes.

Jetta, this is a terrible situation, but it's good that you see who he really is now and can move forward and make decisions for yourself that do not include him.

I wonder if you can get an anullment instead of a divorce? I know in some cases they can be granted on the basis of fraud on the part of one party. It might be worthwhile to check into this.

Your only concern should be getting as far away from this guy, as fast as you can. Unfortunately, you had to lose a lot to find out who he really is, but at least you know now and can spare yourself further pain and suffering caused by him.

Looked into an annulment months ago, too difficult and expensive. I went to the law library and have the divorce decree, serving it is my issue. I may have to return to the police, reopen my fraud case.

I'm weak, physically and emotionally right now. My mom is being an angel these days. I have to let go, I know but it's so hard. Why did I fall so hard? I used to pray to be in love with my daughter's dad, he's a descent human being. And she's a sweetheat.

My daughter is so worried about me. She cuddled me last night for an hour. She just stayed around me most of today. She's glad he'll be gone, but sorry it makes me sad.

My best friend just looked him up. Her dad was a county deputy. I really should have asked her this info. She found out so much, money is a huge problem with him. 2 embezzlement charges. Numerous bank issues, with large bad checks.

It's just beginning. He embezzled me! But I'm a person. I'm worried about my future.

Thank goodness you left him! I'm glad to read that considering you last two threads about him. You're way better off without him. I hope you have the strength to reopen the case and maybe you can prosecute him. Whatever is in you means, I hope he doesn't get a dime more from you!

Your situation sucks, but you are an adult and you knew you were getting involved with a con before you got involved - despite everyone's warning not to - and now your child is affected. First she loses her family unit to divorce, then sees you get involved with and then dumped by a jerk she obviously didn't like as she is glad he is gone, and now she has to act like the parent and comfort you because you are crushed.

You really need to pull yourself together for her sake and get busy rectifying the situation to the best of your ability and be a parent. Be strong. If you can't do it for you, then do it as an example for your daughter.

My heart goes out to you, Jetta. I'd make it my goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resiliency and ability to bounce back from this. Make your daughter proud.

Most of us have needed to take the long road and the hard way to learn stuff about someone that we did not want to learn. Consider this your liberation from the guy, and trust that your future gets better from here.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

Oh he blocked me on facebook. Deleted my existence. My mom could serve him though, her account is how I found out the other stuff.

He still says he's coming here Thursday. Wait and see.

Your situation sucks, but you are an adult and you knew you were getting involved with a con before you got involved - despite everyone's warning not to - and now your child is affected. First she loses her family unit to divorce, then sees you get involved with and then dumped by a jerk she obviously didn't like as she is glad he is gone, and now she has to act like the parent and comfort you because you are crushed.

 

You really need to pull yourself together for her sake and get busy rectifying the situation to the best of your ability and be a parent. Be strong. If you can't do it for you, then do it as an example for your daughter.

Her dad and I have been divorced 10 years, he's been remarried for about 6. My daughter is a sweet kid, also a young teen. But even when I was sick once when she was 2 she offered her favorite stuffed animal as comfort. Your post is harsh and really uncalled for.

Oh he blocked me on facebook. Deleted my existence. My mom could serve him though, her account is how I found out the other stuff.

 

He still says he's coming here Thursday. Wait and see.

Do you want him to come there? What's the point?

If there are warrants out for his arrest, you could notify the police that he intends to come there, but here's zero point in you having any sort of confrontation with him.

Holding you in my thoughts,

Cat

Why is he coming?

The only way my state allows divorce served is in person or mailed with signature confirming receipt. He has no address.

I'm having a 3rd party serve him. But yes I want him to come back for that reason.

As far as warrants it's not here, and my friend didn't see it in her info. He has made some payments towards the fine, so maybe it hasn't been issued.

Minnesota allows for serving via publication if you've made reasonable efforts to locate the person and can give that proof to the court. You would just need a court order for it(again, though..proof of reasonable efforts).

Hopefully you'll listen to the advice of friends and family in the future so you will not repeat this mistake. Sometimes they see things we are blinded by due to the chemical rush of love and infatuation. Good luck.

Jetta, listen to us this time. NO MEN until your life is back on track and has been for awhile. You seem to dig yourself a deeper and deeper hole every time you enter a relationship. This has to stop. Focus on you and your daughter for a few years. Get a career going and get your life in order first.

Her dad and I have been divorced 10 years, he's been remarried for about 6. My daughter is a sweet kid, also a young teen. But even when I was sick once when she was 2 she offered her favorite stuffed animal as comfort. Your post is harsh and really uncalled for.

Keep in mind that other posts you've called harsh have been full of the advice you didn't want to hear at the time.

What this poster is saying is that it's unhealthy for a child to be the caretaker. Chances are when she was 2 years old she understood that her mother needed caring for, sick or not.

If you can pull yourself together and show your child that you're strong, this will serve her incredibly well in her own relationships. Watching you fall apart is likely confusing and scary for her. You're sending the message that relationships are dramatic and frightening, and this could cause her to avoid closeness with a partner in the future.

Keep in mind that other posts you've called harsh have been full of the advice you didn't want to hear at the time.

I think its a case of someone needing to hit rock bottom and get a wake up call before they admit that things are out of control and need to change. That is the first step of healing and change.

Oh he blocked me on facebook. Deleted my existence. My mom could serve him though, her account is how I found out the other stuff.

 

He still says he's coming here Thursday. Wait and see.

He has an ip address that police can track. They can find him if he is answering her on Facebook. Or if he had sent any messages to you or emails recently.

Okay here's the problem, I mourned about 2 days. She happened to be here during that time. I was coming to a realization, and making a decision to divorce, which goes against the vows I meant and made, which my family already thinks I don't take seriously.

She felt my sadness. I thought she was trying to stay up later. I told her I needed to go to bed, and asked her to get ready after the show was watching.

She came and snuggled with me. After a while I asked her a few questions, than determined she was there because she noticed I was upset. She stayed a little longer, than went to bed.

She's seen me strong, I also think she needs to see that decisions like this don't come easy. Nor should they be made lightly. She's just happy she doesn't have to be around his stink anymore, she says he smells. She liked him at first.

I learned that lesson already, my son did not like her dad. See him anywhere?

She actually approved at first.

Life lessons are often learned the hard way.

There isn't one person on this forum that didn't ignore advice or their own gut feeling and did something anyways. "Don't touch that, it is hot" and as soon as mom turns her back you have to see for yourself.

You made some mistakes, misjudged him and choose to do what you thought was right at the time. Well it didn't work out like you had hoped and there is a big mess to clean up. Time to roll up your sleeves and get to cleaning.

Piling on at a time like this isn't helpful. There will be time for reflection later, right now dealing with the immediate problem is your number one goal.

Get a game plan together (with help), write down your plan and then execute the plan. Staying focused on that will help you stay calm and determined in these early stages.

I am sorry this has happened in your life but you can make your way out one step at a time. I do definitely think you need to stay single for some time and focus on being a great mom and build a good life for yourself for yourself.

Lost

 

Piling on at a time like this isn't helpful.

I disagree that this is any form of "piling on." I also think that it's fine and true that we all make mistakes, but when there's a child involved, I personally will not cease calling someone out on [continuous] poor choices. Finally, I think it's valid for posters here to point out the inconsistencies in behavior, so should the poster find herself in a similar situation down the road, she can look back and see that maybe her judgment isn't always stellar.

I also think she needs to see that decisions like this don't come easy. Nor should they be made lightly.

Some might argue that this decision should come extremely easily.

The vows were broken already because the person you married married you to take you for a ride. He did not marry sincerely out of love and the interest of building a life with you permanently. And what about you? You married awfully quickly instead of taking time to get to know him for several years. If a relationship is good and marriage is right, there is no difference if you delay marriage 6 months, a year or more so you fully know the person.

The vows were broken because he never intended to live them up - Just like someone who forces a 16 year old to marry them, someone who is already married and committing bigamy, or someone who marries for a quick VISA - I would NOT look at divorce from someone like that the same as a deeply loving marriage of 30 years, etc.

The problem here is not you divorcing him (actually, you could probably even have this annulled) - divorce will protect you by severing legal times to him and his right of access/contact - the problem is the filter you have for choosing men, and the fact that you will run at 100 mph towards something or someone mom doesn't approve of.

So - get yourself legally away from this man and take the rest from there as it comes. I am sorry that you are going through this.