Should I break up with my boyfriend? Not an easy yes or no answer, need advice.

I am not a person to take bull. I'm in a difficult situation right now because I love my boyfriend dearly, and I know he loves me too, but we're both very busy people (we are both art majors and are very dedicated to our work). However, despite my double minor and involvement around campus, I know how to balance my social life with my academic life. My boyfriend is very interested in ceramics and spends all of his time in the studio, throwing, even if it is just for pleasure and not for an assignment. I completely understand this - he's trying to get the best out of his time here. However, it's getting to the point where I never see him. I feel it's useless to ask him to spend time with me, unless it's eating terrible campus food together, which doesn't really happen during the week due to conflicting schedules. We really aren't spending quality time together, and recently, if we do, it's because we've fought over something trivial and need to talk it out. I'm beginning to question the quality of our relationship, or if it's beneficial to either of us anymore.

We had a pretty serious talk recently about breaking up, but he felt it would be silly to break up over "not having enough time". He also told me that sometimes he prioritizes his art over me. That's fine -I didn't come to this school to date people - however I think it's fair of me to expect some kind of effort to at least spend an HOUR with me a week. And when I say spend time with me I don't mean eating food together. I don't know if I'm being selfish or needy by expecting that, but I think the only time I'll see him is over breaks when he will be cut off from the studio completely. I feel like I'm not important for him to make time for me, and maybe he doesn't believe that, but it certainly doesn't show. I'm worried we're together because it's comfortable at this point, and because we are so attached to one another.

I'm scared of breaking up and making the wrong choice, but I don't see the point of a relationship if he doesn't even try to make time for me. I'm tired of accommodating him. I also am not one to break up and get together - it happened once before in this relationship, and though it was a very short breakup I had a very difficult time knowing if I had made the right decision in getting back together. It's so hard because neither of us have done anything horrible that would make it easy to end everything. I really need some advice...

A relationship is a time commitment and a prioritization. He simply, regardless of attraction, doesn't want to do either. An hour a week isn't a relationship. I would break up and keep to it this time.

I really disagree. Everyone is so ready to breakup and not work it out on here.

I think you should simply tell him what you need. Quality time within the relationship. Romance.

You love him and you wouldn't ask for advice. I say give it a shot before you call it quits.

If you have clearly expressed your needs to him and he makes no effort to meet them-- break up. He won't change past this, and a satisfying level of communication is incredibly important to be compatible as a couple.

If you want to end it, you do what you gotta do. If you feel unappreciated, then I think you should go and find someone who appreciates you. Don't wait around for someone who won't make time for you.

well it isn't that he needs to have done something horrible for a break up to make sense. it is that he has done nothing- relationship wise.

there is little point telling him what you need, or giving it a shot, since he has made it clear he is unwilling.

you're right, there isn't any point in continuing a relationship that he is completely uninvested in.

I know you girls think with emotions, but Us guys don't. We are usually pretty clueless about things and often need to be told what you want or need. Be clear and firm with him. If he doesn't change, then your good. Love isn't always easy.

If you are clueless, avoid relationships. They take common sense, not some mystical understanding of an alien species.

Agree with MH- a relationship requires connection which means time together. Without that, it dies.

I had an artist boyfriend like that once - a painter. I actually really admired his dedication and passion for his craft, and I had zero doubt that he loved me. But he made it clear through his actions that art was the number one priority in his life and I was a distant second or third. I happen to be in a creative and all-consuming field as well, but I always make time to be with my guy because that's important to me. It wasn't to him. No one was wrong - we just weren't a fit. So I ended it. While I did miss him like crazy at first and sometimes wondered "what if", I never went back, and I have no regrets.

To me, it's rather insulting that your boyfriend is telling you that not spending time together is a silly reason to break up. He is dismissing your needs. I hope you won't do the same. You know what's important to you and you know he can't give that to you. My vote is also to let him go.

i don't think i would bother explaining my needs to a guy who thought i need to nag and hope for an hour of his time weekly.

I know you girls think with emotions, but Us guys don't. We are usually pretty clueless about things and often need to be told what you want or need. Be clear and firm with him. If he doesn't change, then your good. Love isn't always easy.

She DID tell him what she needed. His response: "...he felt it would be silly to break up over "not having enough time".

And that's my point exactly. You are expecting this guy to have esp and know exactly what she needs. It is called communication. Talking to each other. Stating what you both need. Relationships take effort. Cut and run mentality is pretty jaded to me. There are some things worth fighting for. If she has done that, then she is good. Otherwise, she should speak with her partner, openly.

I really disagree. Everyone is so ready to breakup and not work it out on here.

I think you should simply tell him what you need. Quality time within the relationship. Romance.

You love him and you wouldn't ask for advice. I say give it a shot before you call it quits.

She did speak with him, and nothing changed.

You shouldn't have to ask someone who cares about you, to spend a couple of hours together. .

OP, he is demonstrating that you are not a priority in his life - always go with the actions, or lack of.

I would end it. It's not a relationship .

And that's my point exactly. You are expecting this guy to have esp and know exactly what she needs. It is called communication. Talking to each other. Stating what you both need. Relationships take effort. Cut and run mentality is pretty jaded to me. There are some things worth fighting for. If she has done that, then she is good. Otherwise, she should speak with her partner, openly.

Are you not reading what we read? I suggest you go back and reread the post.

"We had a pretty serious talk recently about breaking up, but he felt it would be silly to break up over "not having enough time". He also told me that sometimes he prioritizes his art over me"

Hello, thanks everyone for the comments - I'm very new to this website (made an account to get advice). We talk a lot - we're pretty good about talking through things. We've been together almost two years so we know each other pretty well! He is my best friend and I can't really think of anything we don't tell each other. I'm not sure what it is about this year, but last year we didn't have these types of time issues. Maybe this is because our studios are becoming more specific (like now he is able to do what he really wants). He's a really good guy, and though we talked about this just last week I don't think he understands the importance of spending time together. I think he see's it as "later later later" but I just can't do that. I wanted to see how this would go after talking but I don't think I can do it anymore.

Both of y'all have to meet somewhere in the middle. The problem with our generation is that we're so easily ready to pick up and move on when we don't get the desired response. I get it, you just want more quality time with someone you care about but to him it may be coming off as you trying to pull him away from something he loves to do which will always be a losing battle. With a man its all about how you bring a concern to the table. If it's demanding & nagging...most likely your emotions will be disregarded but if its brought in a way where you're talking to him and not at him then you'll have a better chance of being heard. Time is a critical fabric in a relationship & if it is lacking it needs to be addressed. The challenge is that there is a right way to address it (as any concern) and a wrong way to address it. Think about more than just what you want to happen when you bring a concern up & if that person truly cares about you you'll get a response at least in the ball park of what you were looking for.

I've been talking about this with him. I think what is most hurtful is that we both recognize we need to spend more time together, but he doesn't want to actually try and fix this. His response is always that he's just too busy - he doesn't try to even make time. I love him and I really want to make it work but if it's a one sided effort it's really not gonna work.

I've been talking about this with him. I think what is most hurtful is that we both recognize we need to spend more time together, but he doesn't want to actually try and fix this. His response is always that he's just too busy - he doesn't try to even make time. I love him and I really want to make it work but if it's a one sided effort it's really not gonna work.

You're right. His actions speak volumes.

Well, I ended it. It was a very good and mutual break up. We will be friends... might be a little strange at first but I'm honestly feeling a lot better and so is he. Thanks for all the help!

A life coach of mine say that people make time for things they care about, no matter how busy they are. I had friends in medical school with a young child, and they made time for date nights. There is honestly no good excuse, hardly ever, besides a lack of interest.

Well, I ended it. It was a very good and mutual break up. We will be friends... might be a little strange at first but I'm honestly feeling a lot better and so is he. Thanks for all the help!

My heart goes out to you. I hope you're feeling some relief, like the adrenaline rush of leaving a dentist's office after a horrible procedure. But that settles down, and then you're left with pain. And that's natural.

Write more if it helps, and we're here for you.